I like to prepare for writing a draft preview by never seeing any of the players in a single game and then forming incredibly strong opinions about their future success.

In that regard, I guess I don’t differ from most people commentating on these things.

This year's draft crop is arguably the most even ever. How do I know this? I heard a lot of people say that so it must be true.

PICK 1. ST KILDA

Christian Petracca (Eastern Ranges)

H: 186cm W 92kg

Christian has worked hard all year and his reward is a career at St Kilda.

Life is a cruel mistress.

He may be the only draftee in the entire history of the draft to hope to slip to Melbourne.

Petracca is a damaging half forward/midfielder whose agent is already speaking to Geelong, Sydney and Hawthorn. Geelong are favourites, which means he’s off to Hawthorn in three years.

PICK 2. MELBOURNE

Angus Brayshaw (Sandringham Dragons)

H: 187cm W: 86kg

Angus is a tough midfielder who loves contact, so he will stand out at Melbourne like a James Hird hater on the Essendon Board.

He is pretty thrilled that he will be drafted at a time when Mark Neeld is safely tucked away at Essendon and Melbourne have finished their awkward Cameron Schwab phase.

PICK 3. MELBOURNE

Patrick McCartin (Geelong Falcons)

H: 194cm W: 94kg

McCartin is a huge full forward in the traditional mould and he loves to crash packs.

When he’s not on the field he is a big softie though, who loves the movie Frozen and insists his friends call him ‘Elsa.’

PICK 4. GWS GIANTS

Jarrod Pickett (South Fremantle)

H: 177cm W: 74kg

A lot of draft previews describe Pickett as a ‘Chris Yarran’ type. I’m not sure what these people have got against Pickett. He’s actually pretty good.

Jarrod says moving to western Sydney to play football is like ‘every nightmare he’s ever had occurring in real life all at once.’

PICK 5. COLLINGWOOD

Jayden Laverde (Western Jets)

H: 189cm W: 82kg

Jayden is the perfect fit for Collingwood. Not necessarily in terms of football but due to having the name ‘Jayden.’

PICK 6. GWS GIANTS

Jordan De Goey (Oakleigh Chargers)

H: 187cm W: 82kg

De Goey was against going to GWS until he saw what Tom Boyd managed to achieve there.

Now, he’s trying to work out whether to get a Ferrari or an Aston Martin Vantage in 2016.

PICK 7. GWS GIANTS

Hugh Goddard (Geelong Falcons)

H: 196cm W: 94kg

As the cousin of Brendon Goddard, Hugh is keen to avoid being drafted by a team that turns out to have massive cultural issues, only to leave them and end up at a club mired in a two-year doping scandal with no end in sight.

PICK 8. GOLD COAST

Liam Duggan (Western Jets)

H: 183cm W: 75kg

Liam said playing under Rodney Eade would be ‘fine, I guess’ before saying he was going to his room to play FIFA for ‘at least a few hours.’

He later came out when the pizza was delivered.

PICK 9. COLLINGWOOD

Darcy Moore (Oakleigh Chargers)

H: 199cm W: 93kg

Despite having a higher media profile than most actual AFL players, Darcy has actually never played a game in the AFL.

If you listen to Collingwood supporters, Darcy has already led them to several premierships. So, no pressure then.

PICK 10. GEELONG

Peter Wright (Calder Cannons)

H: 203cm W: 102kg

All Peter’s life he dreamt of growing up to be a blogger writing about sport, locked in a dark room with no friends and no idea what he was really talking about.

Unfortunately, that hasn’t worked out and instead he will be forced to make a living playing AFL professionally.

PICK 11. WEST COAST

Lachie Weller (Broadbeach)

H: 181cm W: 74kg

A former member of 5SOS, Lachie has turned his back on the boy band to pursue a career requiring less coordination.

His former career is essential to the Eagles though, whose post-match singing of We're the Eagles has been described as ‘a crime against humanity’ and ‘the worst thing ever.’

PICK 12. RICHMOND

Paul Ahern (Calder Cannons)

H: 181cm W: 77kg

While there’s no doubt about his talent, some people question Paul’s consistency.

A lack of consistency is hardly a deal breaker at Richmond however; if anything it’s a required cultural fit.

PICK 13. FREMANTLE

Sam Durdin (West Adelaide)

H: 197cm W: 87kg

Sam was born in 1996, two years after Kurt Cobain died. You feel old, right?

What’s he like as a football prospect? He’s tall but how about that Cobain thing?

Mind blowing.

PICK 14. ADELAIDE

Jake Lever (Calder Cannons)

H: 193cm W: 84kg

Jake had an ACL tear in January and spent a lot of time bored out of his mind as he recovered.

This is the perfect preparation for a career in Adelaide.

PICK 15. GOLD COAST

Kyle Langford (Northern Knights)

H: 190cm W: 73kg

Don’t be fooled by Kyle’s light frame, the TV show Breaking Bad is based on his life.

Of course, the TV show does take some liberties, Kyle never taught at a high school and is still a highly successful criminal kingpin.

PICK 16. NORTH MELBOURNE

Nakia Cockatoo (NT Thunder)

H: 186cm W: 86kg

Nakia said the only downside of going to North Melbourne is having to hear James Brayshaw speak more often.

“I’ve tried avoiding the cricket commentary but this pretty much means I’m going to have to get used to it.”

PICK 17. ESSENDON

Jarrod Garlett (South Fremantle)

H: 177cm W: 73kg

The loser in this game of Russian Roulette.

Gartlett has made it clear he would like to avoid any unnecessary injections and is running for the Essendon Board on an anti-Hird platform.

The good news is he’s likely to play every game if ASADA get its way.

PICK 18. SYDNEY SWANS

Isaac Heeney (Cardiff)

H: 185cm W: 82kg

Isaac was built in the Sydney Academy using DNA from Paul Kelly and an actual swan.

This means he’s aggressive at the ball and mates for life.

PICK 19. CARLTON

Caleb Marchbank (Murray Bushrangers)

H: 193cm W: 85kg

When told he was likely to be coached by Mick Malthouse, Caleb said he need to be alone for a while.

He then went and stood in the backyard and stared at the sky for almost two hours.

It was both weird and totally understandable.