Dustin Martin has been forced to apologise to a woman after a drunken incident at Mr Miyagi restaurant and bar on Saturday night. Here he rings to offer a heart felt apology.

Richmond’s Media Manager: Dustin we need you to ring and apologise to the woman you abused on Saturday night.

Dustin Martin: Do I have to?

Media Manager: Yes. Now I’ve written an apology for you, just stick to the script and you’ll be fine. It’s ringing, be nice.

Patron: Hello?

Martin: Hi, it’s me.

Patron: Sorry?

Martin: It’s me.

Media Manager: Dustin it’s a phone, she can’t see you.

Martin: It’s Dustin Martin, I’m the guy who abused you at the restaurant on Saturday night. The one with neck tattoos and a strange haircut. I was brandishing a chopstick. Do you remember me?

Patron: I do remember, despite your chameleon-like ability to blend in with the crowd.

Martin: Well, I’m ringing to read you an apology the media manger wrote for me.

Patron: You’re doing what?

Media Manager: Dustin! Just read it don’t say I wrote it.

Martin: I’m ringing to apologise but I’m not doing it because the media manager is making me and I’m definitely not reading from a script.

Patron: That’s certainly reassuring.

Martin: Hang on, my mobile’s ringing. I’ve got to get this, it’s a friend-of-a-friend’s cousin who I don’t know that well.

Media Manager: Look, I’m sorry, Dustin’s had to go, something vitally important has come up. I just want to reiterate how sorry he is.

Patron: He sounded absolutely shattered.

Media Manager: Look, I’m really sorry. For everything. Just everything.

Patron: Well I appreciate that and I’m sorry you had to write an apology that didn’t get used.

Media Manager: That’s OK. I just got the last apology I wrote for him and changed the dates.