Hello Port Adelaide fans and the Sunrise Family (which is compulsory for Port fans)!

What a season for the Power. It’s easily the best season we’ve had in a couple of years.

I wrote to you all at the start of the year telling you I would turn the club around and that’s what I’ve done.

Since then, I’ve had lots of people ask me how exactly I did this so quickly.

Especially Angus Johnson from the Brisbane Lions, who texts me every five minutes. He seems a bit desperate.

So here’s my plan for turning around any football club:

1. Hire Ken Hinkley

I really can’t overstate the importance of this first step enough. Hiring Ken Hinkley is something every AFL club should do. Not only is he a great coach but he’s a really, really great coach.

Ken seems to know heaps about football. He talks about strategies and stuff and I nod and act like I understand. He even knows the name of all the players!

He also lets me come into the rooms after games, which is a real thrill I can tell you.

2. Sit back and relax while Ken Hinkley Coaches

This step is a good one. It took me a few games to get into the hang of it but after awhile a President of an AFL club should be able to sit back and just watch Ken Hinkley coach.

After a few rounds, all I worried about was what expression I should have on my face when the cameras cut to me. Eddie McGuire provided some invaluable lessons here but I can’t do that ‘my face is so red because it’s about to explode’ thing he does.

3. Draft Ollie Wines

This one is a no brainer. If it was up to me, we would draft Ollie Wines every year. Ken says this makes no sense and isn’t actually possible. I guess I just have to trust him on this one although it seems counterintuitive.

Ollie is only 18 years old which makes you wonder what you were doing when you were 18 years old.

I was in the library studying and wondering why Linda O’Shea wouldn’t return my calls.

The jokes on you now, Linda! Good luck getting Port finals tickets next year.

4. Have a National Breakfast Show

Having your own national breakfast show is a great way to attract sponsors to your football club.

Sure it comes with some criticism every now and then but as Melissa Doyle once said to me, while brandishing a knife and a bottle of vodka, ‘haters gonna hate.’

5. Follow an Inept Administration

Peter Jackson at Melbourne told me this. He said following Cameron Schwab meant just parking in the right car spot, tying your own shoelaces and filling out forms correctly made him seem like a genius.

I’m not saying the previous Board of Port was inept, I don’t need to, it’s current knowledge (they totally were).

So there you have it AFL fans. Turning around Port was easy. Other clubs would do well to follow my plan.

All the Best

David ‘Kochie’ Koch