Dear Hawthorn fans and the lesser footy community

I have been made aware that some of the weaker ones among you are unsettled about recent trade moves we have been making at the Mighty Hawthorn Football Club.

It took me a few days to become aware of this, as I’m not on social media for it is for pale skinned, indoor types with unnaturally soft hands.

I also pay no attention to the traditional, declining media, as they are feeble minded word writers who have never tasted the thrill of battle, or if they have they have been found wanting.

No, instead I’ve been busy ensuring the many premierships cups I’ve won for this club are polished, and there is room for the many more I shall bring.

Sure, it sad seeing two champions of the club leave us but remember, I’m really, really, really good at this coaching stuff.

Mitchell is 34. That’s like being 80 in AFL player years, and Lewis chooses to go to Melbourne, which obviously shows a severe decline in his decision-making abilities.

So stay strong true believers. The weak among you didn’t seem to complain so much when we were hoisting up cups three years straight.