Dear AFL Fans

Guess who’s coming to Bondi! Me!

The beaches, the beach, Icebergs, other stuff. It’s going to be awesome.

The lifestyle should be amazing. There’s that pool near the beach and all the women. I’ve grown up watching Bondi Rescue, so this is certainly a dream come true.

I’m going to get a really nice pad. Probably with a huge deck for BBQs. It’s going to be a real party house, you know? People around all the time.

Probably worth investing in a good sound system throughout the house. Maybe with Airplay built in.

Oh, I probably should also mention I’m also going to be playing a bit of AFL with the Sydney Swans. This definitely contributed in a small way to my decision!

Originally, I was going to Greater Western Sydney Giants. That would have been fine. I probably could have still lived in Bondi but it would have taken weeks to get to training.

Then the Swans came along and offered even more money and I wouldn’t have to give up playing finals.

I couldn’t believe it. More money, better team! What is the AFL doing!

Didn’t Sydney pinch Tippett from the Gold Coast last year? It’s like Brian Waldron is doing their books.

They’ve equalised the competition by sending me from the current Premier to the previous Premier! Idiots!

I’m getting $7 million over five years. I hope that’s enough. Apparently Sydney is really expensive. Unlike Melbourne which is pretty much free to live in. I hope I can eke out an existence up there on such a paltry sum.

Anyway, it’s a lot of money and it will really help me to invest in my future and tattoos.

I hope GWS members don’t take this personally. I’ll ring both of you if that would make you feel better.

Leaving Hawthorn will be tough but I’d felt I’d run out of nightclubs challenges in Melbourne

For Hawthorn fans, I want to let you all know I appreciate all the support I’ve received. I know this is sad but let’s be honest, you spent most of the time I was at the club waiting for me to do something really stupid that would tear the club apart.

Instead you’ve got two Premierships. Let’s consider that a win for everyone and move on.

For Swans fans, I want to assure you I’m fully committed to the lifestyle in Bondi. I will give it everything and leave nothing behind, in true Bloods fashion.

See ya in Bondi!

Buddy

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