The Brisbane Lions are seeking a senior coach to build a half decent team upon the ashes of our once great club.

You will be responsible for almost a half dozen AFL players, an underground gym that was modern in 2000 and a giant inflatable lion.

The successful candidate will report to a CEO who thought bringing Daisy Thomas and Mick Malthouse to Carlton was a good idea.

He also thought having live lions on the ground before a game was a really good idea.

We are looking for a self-motivated individual who doesn’t mind having that motivation slowly crushed under something heavy.

Preferably, you will have played in a premiership for Brisbane, have red hair and don’t mind humidity.

Exceptions to these criteria include: Jonathan Brown.

Also, being someone who doesn’t act like a baby because they’re no longer living at home would be great too.

If this sounds interesting to you or because every other AFL side said “no”, send your application to AFL House because with all the money they’re going to be giving us, they’ll be the one picking the successful applicant.

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