The Australian Sports Anti-Doping Authority (ASADA) is seeking someone, anyone really, to become our next Chief Executive Officer (CEO).

Our last one ‘retired’ because they launched an ill-advised joint investigation with the AFL. Then they never delivered an outcome.

They also treated the NRL in a completely different, though no less glacial manner.

Now the whole thing's stuffed and a retired Federal Court judge has been bought in to try and wrap this mess up.

To say the Federal Government thinks the organisation is completely incompetent would be seen as the ‘Pollyanna’ view round here.

Wow, this is probably over sharing for a job ad.

Anyway, now we need someone else who wants to be a CEO of a beleaguered, lumbering government bureaucracy.

The successful candidate must meet the following criteria:

• Wants to be a CEO
• Wants to be CEO of ASADA
• Has skills in report writing and delivery
• Feels comfortable in media conferences involving 30-odd people that make ridiculously over-the-top claims
• Is willing to work and probably live in Canberra
• Has a vague awareness of drugs in sports as an issue
• Is keen to spend lots of time with the egomaniacs that run the various sporting codes.
• Has a ‘sciencey’ type background
• Enjoys ‘completing’ tasks. Possibly has a to-do list.
• Has a name Ministers can pronounce
• Can look like they know what they are doing to the media
• Knowledge of doping regimes, legislation, techniques etc, is nice and all but hardly essential.

The role comes with an office that has one of those nice little meeting areas in it, which is cool. The salary is good, If you consider it in the context of actual output.

You’ll also get free tickets to pretty much any sporting event you can think of, so there’s that too. Full disclosure: The scope for bribes is not as good as you would think unfortunately.