Dear Jeff

Great to see you on the ground immediately after the Preliminary final win. Well, actually not great, more intensely irritating.

You see Jeff, it’s as if you never got the countless emails, phone messages, Facebook posts, letters and messages tied around bricks and thrown through your window.

All these messages were to remind you that you are no longer President. That other guy, what’s his name, is President not you. Clear?

But given we’d just clinched a spot in the Grand Final, I was feeling charitable when I saw you grinning, with that bizarre buzz cut sans beret for a change. We exchanged an awkward high five because I’m a nice guy.

Imagine my delight at hearing you on the radio on Monday morning taking all the credit. I felt about you at that moment like I usually feel about the wall of the coach’s box.

I’ve got to say Jeff, it reminded me of that morning you went on radio and said you would have suspended me from coaching because I pointed out to a junior umpire that both teams were kicking to the same end.

Getting advice from you on how to speak to people is like Dane Swan advising you not to get a tattoo.

What about that time you approached powerbrokers at the club wanting me to stand aside for a match during our losing streak then denied it later?

And who could forget that very helpful letter you wrote to members after a loss to Sydney where you said we were ‘outplayed and outcoached’.

Let’s be honest, you know as much about coaching as I do about silly looking French headwear.

We play the Swans again this week and it would be really great if you could not ‘help’ any more.

Perhaps you could instead direct your energy into something else? My suggestion would be an online beret store.

Wishing you would go away forever,

Alastair