The AFL have already clearly explained why they introduced ‘Variable Ticketing’ but confusion still reigns over the way tickets are now priced.

Basically, every AFL game is now placed in one of four grades:

Grade A

Criteria: Collingwood are playing, it’s a Showdown of Derby, Essendon are still playing for points or Carlton and/or Richmond are playing early in the season.

Grade B

Hawthorn or Collingwood playing a good interstate team or one of those second tier Melbourne teams like North Melbourne or Carlton when they are having a bad season, so almost always Carlton.

Grade C

Any game involving Melbourne, GWS or a bad interstate team in Melbourne.

Grade D

A Melbourne game during a really good ski season or a Richmond game when the wheels have really come off the bandwagon.

Categories

These grades enable the AFL to determine how much to charge in each of the following categories in order of highest to lowest:

Category 1: For people who don’t ever need to look at their bank balance and annoyingly ask people at work ‘when is pay day again?’

Category 1 ticketholders work in white collar jobs like banking, the law or the worst kind of people ‘management consultants.’

They often wear suits to the footy and spend most of it inside a function room, oblivious to the game itself.

They’re basically rich people whose parents forgot to put their names down for the MCC when they were born.

Category 2: For people who are doing alright for themselves and would have been category one if they’d worked harder back in high school.

You’ll find a lot of real estate agents and marketing account managers sitting in this category.

If you win one of those competitions at work that sponsorship are giving away, this is where you’ll sit.

Category 3: Actual football fans who go regularly enough that they can’t afford to pay for a higher category week-in-week-out.

If you’re in Category 3 at Etihad Stadium, you’ll have a better view of the roof than the ground.

This is where you’ll find anyone with more than one child. Taking a family to the footy requires you to now take out a small loan.

Category 4: Collingwood supporters and other disadvantaged groups.

Category 5: GWS Giants Tickets. Free to a good home.