Dear Footy Fans

I’ve been asked recently, how we determine ticket prices under our new ‘Variable Ticketing’ framework which we introduced for this season.

I was going to run this explanation past our media team but they’re all at lunch, so I’ll just send this out.

I don’t believe there’s anything controversial in what I’m writing.

To begin, ‘Variable Ticketing’ is part of our unofficial ‘Disdain for Fans’ campaign that has been gathering steam for a few years now.

‘Variable Ticketing’ is really just a nice way of saying, ‘let’s charge as much as we can possibly charge for the big games.’

It’s just simple supply and demand. If lots of people want to see a game, let’s throw it open to the market.

We are, when it suits us (let’s not mention equalisation or the fact we’re really a monopoly in the world of Aussie Rules) rabid capitalists.

If a corporation or a rich individual can afford to pay more for a ticket than say a family or lifelong fan then so be it. That’s the invisible hand of the market at work.

My personal message to fans who can’t afford good tickets to the big games, is ‘work harder’.

If you’d gone to the right schools and put in the effort, you could buy a ticket to any game.

Otherwise buy Foxtel.

The most common question I’m asked though is ‘how do you determine prices for individual games?’

First, we look at the teams playing. Melbourne, St Kilda or Bulldogs? Let’s leave prices low.

Interstate team in Melbourne? Again let’s not get carried away.

GWS Giants anywhere? Who wants a free ticket?

Collingwood? Cha Ching! Money, money, money!

Second, we look at the relative success of the two teams in recent history. Geelong playing Hawthorn? You’re going to be paying till it hurts.

Thirdly, we just work out how much we think we can get away with.

If it’s a blockbuster between Collingwood and Carlton and let’s say they’re both playing well (ha!) I just say to the guys, ‘let’s make these suckers PAY!’ Then I chest bump someone.

So there you have it. As you can see it’s a pretty obvious plan and not exactly complicated.

Anyway, I’ll see some of you at a game.