The AFL Commission has placed restrictions on the Sydney Swans regarding trading and recruiting free agents.

These restrictions are part of the phasing out of the ‘Cost of Living Allowance,’ often referred to as ‘COLA’

The Cost of Living Allowance means the Swans are required to pay an additional 9.8 per cent of the salary cap to all players to compensate for the higher cost of living in Sydney.

The Cost of Living Allowance will be phased out and replaced in 2017.

What are we doing?

The AFL has informed the Sydney Swans that they cannot trade players into their club in the next two years unless they want to bring an immediate end to the Cost of Living Allowance.

The club will also be unable to lure restricted or unrestricted free agents before the end of 2017.

Why are we doing it?

There are several important reasons of varying degrees of logic behind this decision.

Massive over-correction

We really went a bit far with this Cost of Living stuff.

The Cost of Living Allowance allowed Sydney a bit of an advantage to other clubs.

It became pretty unpopular and we felt the need to get things back on an even keel.

Of course, like anyone that feels like they’ve made a bit of a mistake and are a bit embarrassed by it, we have massively overcorrected the situation.

Like when you forget your girlfriend’s birthday and make it up to her by upsizing her meal the next time you are at McDonalds. You even eat in. No drive thru this time.

Eddie McGuire

Have you ever had Eddie bang on at you for years? Well yes, of course you have, so you know what it’s like.

After a while you just want it to stop. You would do anything in your power to just stop the noise.

This should really do the trick. For a few days at least until he gets a bee in his bonnet about something else.

Precedent

Following the rules of the AFL and its policies is no protection from arbitrary decisions.

Not long ago we fined Melbourne for being found not guilty of tanking.

Now everyone knows they did it and we could have found them guilty, but it’s more fun to say they were not guilty and fine them anyway.

Can’t think of too many jurisdictions that do that. Russia? Probably bits of the Middle East?

In this case, the Swans didn’t even break any rules but we’re punishing them anyway.

This means you can now be found not guilty and be punished, actually not be guilty and be punished and potentially, be guilty and be punished.

Too good at it

Sydney made one tactical error. They used the allowance properly.

They could have gone and got Heath Shaw like the Giants, but no.

Instead, they stole Buddy from our team the Giants.

By using it properly, they drew attention to it. Why couldn’t they have just tried to finish eighth or ninth each year?

They could have had COLA till the end of time.

Felt like it

Partly, we at the Commission just felt like it.

If you’ve seen the movie The Hunt for Red October you would remember that Russian submarine captains like to perform a move called a ‘crazy Ivan.’

A ‘crazy Ivan’ involves suddenly altering course for no reason to see if anyone is following you.

It keeps them guessing.

The AFL has studied this movie and we like to occasionally throw in a ‘crazy Ivan’ of our own every now and then.

Just for the hell of it really.

We’re also pretty fond of doing Sean Connery’s Russian accent. Sometimes we do it for whole Commission meetings.

Anyway, that should explain everything.