Today at AFL House, the equalisation sub-committee met to finalise a plan to present to all clubs at next week's AGM.

As often happens, the minutes to the meeting were quickly leaked. Here they are:

6.30am- Eddie McGuire begins ranting

10.30am – Meeting begins. AFL Chairman Mike Fitzpatrick opens proceedings

10.31am- Eddie McGuire turns bright red

10.32am- Andrew Demetriou begins to outline the league’s equalisation plans

10.35am- Eddie McGuire’s head actually begins to pulsate, radiating an intense heat. A clock on the wall melts.

10.36am- Hawthorn president Andrew Newbold says something to make himself seem more reasonable than McGuire, even though it’s the exact same point Eddie was making before his head exploded.

10.37am- A general argument ensues.

11.37am- Port Adelaide CEO Keith Thomas, Bulldogs President Peter Gordon and Richmond CEO Brendon Gale arrive. They apologise but say they had to all share a cab to fit within their travel budgets.

The cab had to come all the way from Adelaide, Keith Thomas explains. Picked up the others on the way. Cabbie still outside waiting to be paid.

11.40- AFL ask the other clubs to lend them a cab charge voucher. West Coast’s CEO Trevor Nisbett says it would just encourage them to catch more taxis. AFL pays cab driver.

12.00pm- Lunch. AFL Players Association (AFLPA) CEO Matthew Finnis is sent to get sandwiches.

A minor argument breaks out when Andrew Newbold overhears Mike Fitzpatrick saying he wants COLA. Turns out it was a drink order and after a mild scuffle, everything calms down.

12.30pm- Meeting resumes with Port Adelaide CEO Keith Thomas outlining his club’s views. General agreement that it’s nice he’s on the sub-committee and not Kochie. Eddie McGuire asks what’s with that guy and why does he feel the need to run his mouth off in the media all the time? Stunned silence follows.

12.51pm- AFLPA outline their proposal which is basically a diagram of more money going into a players wallet. Western Bulldogs President Peter Gordon asks what the AFLPA is. Andrew Demetriou sends Matthew Finnis out on a coffee run.

1.07pm- Eddie McGuire presents an equalisation model developed by Collingwood, West Coast and Hawthorn. The PowerPoint has the phrase ‘Get Stuffed’ on several slides, interspersed with graphs done by expensive consultants that don’t actually mean anything.

2.09pm- Brendon Gale presents the case for the poorer clubs. It’s written in lipstick on a serviette. Gale is quick to explain the lipstick was found in a bin at the subway where the poorer clubs met.

While smudged and hard to read, the message is clear, ‘give us money.’

2.45pm- Cost of Living Allowance (COLA), which allows Sydney-based clubs to pay an extra 9.8 per cent above the salary cap is discussed. Everyone agrees they hate the Swans for using the extra 9.8 per cent that they are actually allowed to use. Almost everyone in the room has heard of the GWS GIANTS.

Matthew Finnis suggest that instead of cutting the 9.8 per cent COLA, why not just give the allowance to every team. Demetriou says he wasn’t born yesterday and makes Finnis sit in the corner facing the wall. No final decision made although Swans look in trouble.

3.00pm- Meeting concludes. No final plan reached. It’s agreed to keep working on it in the coming days. Port Adelaide CEO Keith Thomas asks if he can take some of the mints on the table home with him.