The AFL has announced an ‘inner city’ themed round in response to the weekend’s Rural Round.
AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan said the aim was to honour the ‘godless, hedonistic, left wing, bleeding heart people that make up the inner city’.
“While country people are salt of the Earth and the backbone of this great nation, inner city people are drug addicts and young professionals, usually both.”
“If it was up to them, the country would be an open shooting gallery for the heroin pouring through our open borders via refugees.”
“We choose to honour them because they have considerable discretionary spending power despite often looking like homeless people.”
Each year, the game will be played between the teams Ross Lyon and Paul Roos are coaching to simulate the ‘congestion’ of the inner city.
“We’ll be serving all kinds of inner city foods: sliders, beer in mason jars, artisanal meat pies, cold brew coffee and kimchi tacos. All at ridiculously inflated prices of course, so normal for the AFL and the inner city types won’t notice any difference,” said McLachlan.
“Outside the MCG there will be a farmers’ market, bike repair shop, barber and countless food trucks, which are normally there but we’ve got them to just say everything’s organic for the day.”
“We’ve got a mock graffiti filled alley set up outside with a real dumpster in it to provide an authentic feel.
McLachlan said special appearances will be made by the Apex gang across the weekend.
Public transport will be available but probably won't work they'll be no car parking on the day.
“The game is a great way for us to say, ‘You bearded and/or tattooed hipsters contribute nothing to society but we’ll happily take your money’.”
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COMMENTS
McSeanD
Apr 16, 2016
TitusOReily great concept....pretty sure Essendon will still be looking to be involved in this "new initiative"...
colinjb
Apr 16, 2016
TitusOReily it's about time. Feel so left out
RhombusHatesYou
Apr 16, 2016
TitusOReily Everyone deserves the chance to sip coffee from a thimble while sitting in a 'piss soaked alley with dead junkie motif'.
Borissimo
Apr 16, 2016
Laughing
mattyob16
Apr 16, 2016
TitusOReily emmasq
AFL announces a game of footy that will actually use the AFL rules... #ItWillSellOut #AFLBluesDogs
DanRobMat
Apr 16, 2016
TitusOReily emmasq what about a coastal themed game? Surfboards and zinc cream U0001f3c4U0001f3c4U0001f3c4U0001f3c4
Dale Cumberland
Apr 16, 2016
To be played in Ballarat.
Sam Pauley
Apr 16, 2016
Hey that's not fair, country people choose to live in remote areas making them better than everyone else!
Kate Darroch
Apr 16, 2016
Kadie Said to your point on Thursday night!!!
Grant Haye
Apr 16, 2016
If anyone thinks this is a serious post.. I pitty you..
Mathew McArthur
Apr 16, 2016
Finally a themed game I can get behind
Titus O'Reily
Apr 16, 2016
Whatever do you mean? All my posts are serious.
Jim Woodcock
Apr 16, 2016
I'll start growing my beard out in preparation.
Grant Haye
Apr 16, 2016
I like the cut of your jib ;)
Jim Woodcock
Apr 16, 2016
I'd also like to propose that before the game, the PA system should only play bands no one has ever heard of.
Ash Spender
Apr 16, 2016
Collingwood v Richmond, right?
Kadie Said
Apr 16, 2016
It's never ending!!!
Kate Darroch
Apr 16, 2016
Kadie Said he is on the same page as you!
Matt Landy
Apr 16, 2016
Essendon have to be involved. Every themed game has them because they're the idea of that spud Sheedy.
Narelle Evans Italiano
Apr 16, 2016
Titus please give us something drenched in sarcasm re hawks/umpires winning in tassie. What a disgrace U0001f620U0001f620U0001f620U0001f620
Tassy Kontogiannis
Apr 16, 2016
Good to see the guy who used to paint the Lethal Weapon windows outside video stores is still working.
Paddy Ryan
Apr 16, 2016
“While country people are salt of the Earth and the backbone of this great nation, inner city people are drug addicts and young professionals, usually both.” Nick Mendes
Nicholas Wanless
Apr 16, 2016
Michael Holland some of the best from Titus. The YP's and drug addicts, usually the same people
Ian Swann
Apr 16, 2016
Will both teams all have beards, wear black jumpers and drink skinny lattes at half time?
Tom Veitch
Apr 16, 2016
Andy Mašanauskas sounds fair enough
Andy Mašanauskas
Apr 16, 2016
I'm offended that there's no suburbs game, but I look forward to the sure to be scintillating semi-rural minor business district match
Matt Fechner
Apr 16, 2016
What's a jib?
Grant Haye
Apr 16, 2016
Haha somebody promote this man!
Matt Fechner
Apr 16, 2016
Is the poop deck really what I think it is?
Casey Moulton
Apr 16, 2016
Emily Borrett read the comments
Joshua Honey
Apr 16, 2016
fantastic article Daniel Flint
Aaron Grogs
Apr 16, 2016
like an afl logo but the a replaced with a h for hawthorn
Kelwyn Richard Chaston
Apr 16, 2016
Junkys versus hipsters, Richmond are representing where are you Fitzroy?
Shane Cameron
Apr 16, 2016
Northcote should be the curtain raiser.
Kadie Said
Apr 16, 2016
Lol okay now I've read it. I saw the title before and just assumed :-)
Raph Kardachi
Apr 16, 2016
All players to wear skinny jeans and grow ginger beards.
Teresa Glenn
Apr 16, 2016
So when is Ross Lyon or Paul Roos coaching Essendon.......
Sean Lyons
Apr 16, 2016
In-ground muggers and beggars?
Snert Underpant
Apr 16, 2016
Yep. That's Melbourne.
Hugo Von Winterhalter
Apr 16, 2016
Will both sides be wearing all black?
Leigh Nielsen
Apr 16, 2016
Surely Fitzroy would be resurrected for this
Hugo Wilson
Apr 16, 2016
Paul Wilson dan Dan Craigjane Jane Craig
Brad D Weekes
Apr 16, 2016
Travis Park brilliant Titus today
Travis Park
Apr 17, 2016
Haha all food vans serving organic cracked me up
Gary Bruce
Apr 17, 2016
Yea, the way the umps made that Saints ruckman miss a goal attempt from right in front was disgusting
Golby Thomson
Apr 17, 2016
Nailed it,spot on as usual
Narelle Evans Italiano
Apr 17, 2016
Yeah Gary that was the incident I was talking about
Jason Alexander
Apr 17, 2016
The South Yarra game. George Pagotelis
scarce_sense
Apr 18, 2016
TitusOReily perhaps one day they could even have a football themed game.
ThemAgain1
Apr 18, 2016
TitusOReily beers will be served in empty jam jars, they will play with scarves and Uni students will be employed to complain at the breaks
Damian Stubbs
Apr 18, 2016
Lyndon Stubbs
Thought you'd like this after the country game.
Pablo
Jul 16, 2017
Well I'm on board
Btw: what does a deconstructed meat pie look like?
Mike Larkins
Jul 16, 2017
A special caravan will be set up to simulate Melbourne's infamous "4 seasons in 1 day" phenomenon
Anonymous
Jul 16, 2017
You know, that sounds so crazy it just might work!
Tom
Jul 18, 2017
Love it. At half time they can cut to features with footballers in empty nightclubs reminiscing about all the good times they had at there when they were younger (i.e. the bye round).
Drop Kick
May 18, 2018
Yeah, loved your show at the Melbourne Serious Festival Titus
Magpieboy
May 18, 2018
Don't forget the "Man-Buns"!!!
macca
May 18, 2018
I had to google artisanal.
Just to make sure you spelled it correctly and weren't just taking the piss.
Oh wait...
Dean Fantismo
May 18, 2018
‘“Special appearances by Apex gang”
Bellissimo!!