The AFL has released a detailed plan to reinvigorate football in Tasmania, called ‘Stop People Complaining about Tasmania’.
It has three principal aims:
- Give the appearance of doing something about Tasmania
- Have the media stop talking about Tasmania
- Hold an AFLX Tournament in Hong Kong
The AFL recognises that achieving this won’t be easy, after all, we’re dealing with Tasmanians, and they seem to think they deserve an AFL team just because they’ve loved the game since at least the 1860s.
The AFL, however, does recognise we have to pretend to try because it’s distracting from the considerable success of AFLX, which we’ve told people to like.
The Stop People Complaining about Tasmania will deliver the following key initiatives:
- Print the Stop People Complaining about Tasmania strategy on really glossy paper and get what’s their name in graphic design to do us a nice logo
- Maybe get a PowerPoint done too with a few waterfall charts and a three-stage approach slide or something
- Have Gillon McLachlan drive very quickly through Hobart and fly over and wave at Launceston
- Rebuild the game in Tasmania by providing significant funding for Australian Rules on the Gold Coast and Greater Western Sydney
- Grow the game in the critical Tasmanian regions of India and China
- Re-record all the good club theme songs with the soul removed from them
- Continue to not so secretly hope North Melbourne are forced to relocate there
We’re confident these initiatives will reinvigorate the apathy most footy fans have towards Tasmania and build on the work already undertaken by Travis Auld’s brother.
Titus will be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and the Sydney Comedy Festival.
Tickets Here: https://www.frontiercomedy.com/titusoreily
You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus