It has come to my attention that members of the media and the public have come to doubt my version of events about a recent night out in Hawaii.

This is obviously saddening to me, but as I vaguely recall, one of the many homeless people I encountered on the night told me, ‘haters going to hate.’

To those people who doubt me, I ask, is it more believable that I just got drunk and fell onto a rock or that the far-fetched plot of the movie Taken actually happened to me?

When you think about it like that, it’s clear that the latter is more likely.

You see, unlike the rest of you, I’ve accomplished something with my life and it makes me a target. I’ve won over $27 million on the PGA Tour.

That’s why I could be so generous and reward the person who saved my life with $1000.

You can afford that sort of money when you’re a multi-millionaire.

The real problem I face now is that Taken has two sequels, each more fanciful, cartoonish and unbelievable than the first.

And just like Liam Neeson’s character in that series, I’m sure weird things are going to keep happening to me.

But I sort of know what really happened on that night and all that matters to me is that those close to me pretend to believe me.

So you doubters can ahead doubt, but I’m Robert Allenby, professional golfer and I’m off to the bar.