People laughed when I released part one of my cricket manifesto. They laughed a bit less at the second part but that was because most people were bored by then and didn’t read it.

After the eight wicket loss in India though, I bet a few people are looking back and thinking, ‘That Shane, he wasn’t all wrong. He is arguably the greatest cricketer of all time and he did snag Liz Hurley.’

And those people would be right. I actually feel sorry for those people who can’t handle my truth bombs.

The loss in India is a disgrace and you know who is to blame? Everyone who laughed at my manifesto.

I now know how Jesus felt when people laughed at his manifesto.

A lot of people in the media said my manifesto had a lot of jobs for my mates. Well last time I checked, my mates and I won a lot of cricket.

We won so much people started to say it was boring how often we won.

I hope those people are now excited that we have a below average cricket team.

The Australian cricket team I played on was tough. How tough? We could have taken all the Stilnox in the world and stayed up all night knocking on each others’ doors and we still would have won.

The media pointed out that all the people I suggested to run cricket were too busy or making too much money doing other things to be coaches and selectors.

This brings me to part three of my manifesto, putting cricket on a war footing.

Australian Cricket is at war with mediocrity and mediocrity is winning.

When you’re at war, you devote the whole country’s resources to winning. We did it in WW1 and WW2 and in the current war against hair loss.

What am I talking about? Conscription.

Everyone I mentioned from Mark Taylor to Glenn McGrath, will be forced, by an Act of Parliament, to leave their current employment and start work at Cricket Australia.

But that’s not where conscription ends. Every male under the age of thirteen will be forced to report to compulsory cricket camps. There, they will be drilled night and day to become the superstars of world cricket.

Who will train these kids? Thousands of mums and dads will. They will be released from non-essential industries like education and health to teach a cricketing revolution.

We will also encourage more refugees from India, Pakistan and anywhere else who shares a love of the ultimate summer sport like England. Let’s get them over here and assess them on their hand eye coordination and how they look in a baggy green.

How are we going to fund this? Easy. A tax on mining. I’m pretty sure this would be politically popular and easy to get through Parliament. We will take 95 per cent of the mining companies pre tax revenue and plough it into cricket facilities and coaches. I mean what’s the point of a mining boom if you’re not having a cricketing boom?

To ensure those lefty koala lovers do their part, we will also take the proceeds of the carbon tax and introduce a new tax on fixed gear bikes.

With billions of dollars at our disposal, we can begin investing in our cricketing future.

We also need to ensure the entire country shows their support. Wearing cricket whites will become mandatory at all times.

Not liking cricket will be illegal and all citizens will have to pass regular tests on the rules of cricket and its history.

Finally, a Cricket Czar will be appointed for life and will replace the Governor General to ensure we see this thing through and never end up back were we are now.

Who should this be?

Ok, I’ll do it, just to get things on track.