After Mitchell Starc went down with an injury, the Australian cricket team used the team’s ‘massage therapist’ Grant Baldwin as a fielder. Here’s how that was decided.
Darren Lehmann: Right guys now that Starc’s injured, we need to work out who will field in this historic day-night pink ball test being played under lights for the first time at the picturesque Adelaide Oval.
Steve Smith: I’ve got a few ideas but I think we should all take a moment to admire this sunset. I can only imagine the beautiful pictures their getting on the broadcast.
David Warner: What about the 12th man James Pattinson or Stephen O’Keefe? Sort of the reason for having them.
Lehmann: We released them for Shield duties. The Shield should be the top priority too, not a Test involving the national side that millions of people are watching.
Smith: What about Grant Baldwin?
Peter Siddle: What? The physio?
Smith: He’s not a physio, he’s a massage therapist.
Mitchell Starc: Everyone knows massage therapists are much better fielders than physios, it’s aromatherapists you really want though. Amazing fielders. Could we get an aromatherapists?
Siddle: Despite appearances, we’re technically a professional sport team. We can’t get the physio to field, this isn’t fourth grade cricket, despite Shaun Marsh’s involvement.
Smith: Massage therapist! He’s a bloody MASSAGE THERAPIST!
Warner: I hate to be the sensible one in the team again but this seems a bit silly. Surely there are professional cricketers nearby?
Lehmann: I’m afraid not.
Warner: Sorry, that just seems a bit unbelievable. Surely we can just get someone on a plane if there are none in Adelaide?
Lehmann: Yeah David, planes from around Australia are just arriving in Adelaide every few hours!
Starc: Hang on, if he fields do I have to do the massages?
Lehmann: That would be great, that’s the sort of can do attitude we need.
Smith: Right that settles it, we’ll get Grant to field and Starc can give me a massage.
Siddle: For what we are about to do, may god have mercy on our souls.
Warner: Can we get Simon from marketing to replace Shaun then?
COMMENTS
b3108
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily "With what shall we replace it, dear Liza, dear Liza..."
DamianSharry
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily if only you could of worked James Brayshaw in there......
Gribnib
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily bowlologist "...despite the involvement of Shaun Marsh." Harsh. But fair.
Billious
Nov 29, 2015
If Lehmann wasn't so stuffed after that dumb foot race he could have bloody fielded himself he couldnt be any worse than Smithy was trying to catch a bit of pink.
Billious
Nov 29, 2015
At least we can now say that test cricket has caught up with the times. Day night play, modern day men playing with pink balls and out call massage services delivered to the wicket. All we need now is Sam Newman in his pink tutu to be 12th man and we have the complete package of modern Australia.
McSeanD
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily they keep making it easy for you, don't they Titus?! Great that it only took about 24 hours for the Nine team to catch up....
JustinCarroll3
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily nobody seems worried that they've got the groundsman bowling off spin
Luke Shannon
Nov 29, 2015
Haha this isn't a 4th grade game despite shaun marsh's involvement. Gold
Ian Swann
Nov 29, 2015
When does the match start?
Andrew Smith
Nov 29, 2015
Surprised Warner didnt want his wife, with baby in hand, to do it
Tony TC
Nov 29, 2015
I was hoping I'd get a chance to field today. Schucks!
Malcolm Makkinga
Nov 29, 2015
Is this still satire or actually how it happened?
Rod Freame
Nov 29, 2015
Next test maybe we can have a "lucky seat" in the crowd as 12th man and give a different person a once in a lifetime experience each day.
Geoff Schaefer
Nov 29, 2015
Does the massage therapist get a baggy green?
Snert Underpant
Nov 29, 2015
I bet he starts every sentence from now on with "When I played cricket for Australia..."
Nathan Blechynden
Nov 29, 2015
I hear simon from marketing has a rocket arm
Zoe French
Nov 29, 2015
Jordan Mathews This is too good
Alyssa Graeme Sims
Nov 29, 2015
Just pull that bloke from the crowd who caught the six. At least he can catch, even while drunk
Nathan Blechynden
Nov 29, 2015
I'll probably get a gig today, hopefully they have a spare set of whites
Alyssa Graeme Sims
Nov 29, 2015
Reckon lehmanns might fit
Nathan Blechynden
Nov 29, 2015
The tighter the better, shows the rig off
Ashley Michael Crooks
Nov 29, 2015
He actually bowled an over for Australia in a tour game
Brad D Weekes
Nov 29, 2015
Andrew Rout check out sids comments half way Down
Andreas Biddiscombe
Nov 29, 2015
Jack Cook Ned Cook the shaun marsh roasting is gold.
Anthony Mosel
Nov 29, 2015
Lochie thought you'd like this
Ricky Walsh
Nov 29, 2015
Great question.
This is probably close to what really happened haha
Leighroy Robinson
Nov 29, 2015
Stew Scale Dean Williams Luke P Drummond Christopher Lyons U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602 some of his best work to date
Lizzie Fancy Pants
Nov 29, 2015
Georgie 'Peter' Parker lolz
Eric Pipersberg
Nov 29, 2015
Just so good.
jckstnr
Nov 29, 2015
Spot on Titus. What the hell were they thinking.
Nt11Smd
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily Very good. Great laugh.
marksmith1981
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily I still think we should have had Eddie Betts fielding in the "Eddie Betts pocket"
MakeBirdiePutt
Nov 29, 2015
TitusOReily WWOS9
The replacement fielder for CricketAus should be through a rotation process of the Channel 9 Commentary Team!
Andrew Sewell
Nov 29, 2015
Chris Hasenkam for your consideration...
Tom Lyons
Nov 29, 2015
David Warner is a nob! As if me and Luke couldn't field adequately!
Ainslee Gallagher
Nov 29, 2015
That's all I'm saying
Ainslee Gallagher
Nov 29, 2015
This is the most interesting thing that has ever happened in cricket ever
James Wynne
Nov 30, 2015
David Clarke Andrews too funny
Hamish Smith
Nov 30, 2015
Haha 'this isn't 4th grade cricket, despite Shaun marsh's involvement'. That's gold!
Mr Wisdoms Whopper
Dec 01, 2015
And then Shaun Marsh virtually guides us home! Titus obviously spurred him on with his vitriolic comments ha ha.