Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Western Bulldogs (77) v North Melbourne (100)
North Melbourne hadn’t beaten a top eight opponent under Alastair Clarkson until this game.
By becoming the first top eight side to lose to them in that era, the Bulldogs are now no longer in the top eight.
North fans would be please that when challenged, the Roos didn’t collapse into the foetal position and instead decided to hold onto the lead right until the end.
The Bulldogs’ season has been a bit like every relationship I’ve been in.
It started very excitingly, then there was some bad luck, some bad decisions, a key forward went down and suddenly it's tense.
Then you spend months trying to recapture the magic, only for nothing to compare to those magical first few months, and suddenly, you lose to North Melbourne.
In a sentence that could come back to haunt me, so save it away, the Dogs are the definition of making up the numbers if they play finals.
Friday
Brisbane (125) v Hawthorn (58)
Six days before Brisbane had given up 154 points to Carlton, this week the Hawks couldn’t manage to put 60 points on the board.
The worry for the Hawks is if you stop Nick Watson, you tend to stop Hawthorn.
Against Brisbane, he was less a wizard and more like a kid’s party magician.
Less Gandalf, more Greg from accounts who does magic as a sideline even though it’s keeping him single.
Brisbane needed to respond after that game and they certainly did against a club above them on the ladder.
Here’s what’s scary about the Lions. They haven’t played that well this season and they are fourth on the ladder.
They even get the Suns next week. It’s scary how much talent they have on their list.
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Saturday
Melbourne (113) v Fremantle (109)
A game for the ages, as two top sides reminded us that football is still the greatest thing ever created by human hand.
It was one of those games where no team lost any respect.
The Dees proved they deserve to be up the top, while Freo played so well that any doubt they can win at the MCG in finals should be gone.
If the finals are anything like this, we are in for one of the greatest finals series ever and both these sides play the sort of football that is a joy to watch. The type of football where you try to win.
It had everything. High-flying marks, extraordinary goals, massive momentum swings, a nail-biting finish and some strange umpiring decisions.
The umpires should have known Bayley Fritsch’s mark in the dying moments was out of bounds, given he knocked over a rather well-curated cheese platter and a bottle of Chablis while taking it in the third row.
But there’s no sense crying over spilt Chablis when you’ve just knocked off the ladder leaders.
The Dees are the real deal.
Forget Wharfie time, on Saturday at the MCG, it was Patek Philippe time.
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Sydney (167) v Port Adelaide (70)
It was during the nine goals in a row that Sydney were pouring on in the second quarter that I thought ‘Port may be in trouble here.’
The gulf in class was huge. One team is a private jet, the other a flight to Bali on a budget airline.
Port had all the signs of a team who knows its season is over but has to get through the next few weeks until they too can get on that flight to Bali.
The only good news for Port was Jason Horne-Francis has been cleared of any major knee damage after the game.
Sydney got to work after a wasteful first quarter and then just cruised. They get Essendon next week and then North.
How do you get so many byes leading into the finals?
Geelong (117) v Essendon (50)
The Cats looked like the best team money can buy on the weekend.
They destroyed the Bombers with the same ease they beat an AFL inquiry.
Essendon didn’t even score a goal until the 27-minute mark of the second term.
Scoring one goal seemed to remind the Bombers that they are allowed to, and they came back a bit, but that was because by then the Cats were pretty much in the showers getting ready to go home.
The only negative for the Cats was when Gryan Miers hobbled off in the second quarter.
Luckily, after some time with the physio and a quick sign of a waiver, he came back on.
Adelaide (63) v Richmond (54)
The Crows should be sending a lovely gift basket to Tom Lynch for kicking 0.3, otherwise this would have been very different.
Adelaide looked genuinely annoyed that the Tigers gave them so much trouble.
It was like getting a substitute teacher who insists on working harder than when your actual teacher is there.
The Crows were expecting the teacher to put on Charlotte’s Web and instead they got an algebra test.
Sometimes it’s good to win even when you play like a bunch of people who just consumed a lot of tequila, but heading into finals it’s not a great sign for the Crows.
Sunday
Greater Western Sydney (77) v Gold Coast (79)
Manuka Oval in Canberra might need a roof given only 5,814 people showed up to watch this, partly because it was cold and wet but mainly because it was the Giants playing the Suns.
Even for the Giants and Suns players, this was a small crowd.
We now know that at least Matt Rowell was sick of losing, finishing with 40 disposals, 17 clearances and 16 tackles.
After losing ten games in a row, Rowell was everywhere, willing his team over the line.
The Suns got lucky though with a goal awarded to Bailey Humphrey that could be described as a bit strange.
I could write more, but I doubt anyone is reading a Suns-Giants review. In fact, I’m so sure no one is reading this bit that I’d like to confess to several murders.
West Coast (98) v Collingwood (117)
Nick Daicos is a very handy footballer.
The Eagles did everything to stop him. They tagged him, hit him late and in an out-of-character move, the West Coast fans booed him.
This all worked, as they kept him to just 39 disposals, 10 clearances and 12 score involvements.
What a loser! He'd better learn to play through that tag.
This was a fun game to watch, as Harley Reid also ran amok with 30 disposals and six clearances, despite battling through a corked leg.
I had a corked leg once and took two weeks off work. The boss pointed out I work from home and at a desk.
“It’s a standing desk,” I quickly replied.
That’s me. Always playing 4-D chess.
They let me go a few weeks later.
St Kilda (62) v Carlton (106)
Watching St Kilda in the first quarter was jarring. I haven’t heard so many cries of ‘medic’ outside of a Vietnam war movie.
Barracking for St Kilda is like dating my mate Simon. No matter how much he says he’s changed, he will let you down every time, often in very public, embarrassing ways.
You can even spend a lot of money trying to support him, shower him with new toys, and he’ll still make you wish he’d never met him.
St Kilda’s problem is they are cursed and they don’t even have a name for the curse. It’s denial. The first step is admitting you are cursed.
The Saints can technically still make the finals, but it’s doubtful anyone wants them too, and that includes the players.
Even the biggest Blues fan couldn’t have dreamt what is happening. The Blues are now two games clear in tenth spot.
Just consider what Josh Fraser has taught the Blues players in just a few months.
Things like kicking, handballing, catching a football, basic coordination, running, tackling, trying and enjoying being a footballer.
It would be the most Carlton thing ever if the Blues don’t offer Josh Fraser the job and he goes on to win them the premiership this year.
You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus
COMMENTS
Dane
Aug 10, 2026
How many non Melbourne supporters had to look up what a Patek Philippe was? And, how many were lucky that Google knew what they meant when it was spelt wrong?
Billy Ray Valentine
Aug 10, 2026
The media and you keep saying that it was norths first win over a top 8 side under clarkson, but they beat the suns 10 weeks ago when the suns were 4th ?!?
Across the Face
Aug 10, 2026
Watching the first 1/2 of the ADEL - RICH game was like watching a Greco-Roman wrestling bout between two one-armed midgets. Then the rain pelted down and the quality of the game improved significantly.
Alan didak
Aug 10, 2026
By friday.
Hird will be coaching Essendon and Carlton will not employ Josh.
Two teams renowned for their stupidy and ignorance.
Let them both languish in the doldrums for another 20 years.
The G-Station
Aug 10, 2026
When the messiah went down, there was a collective sigh amongst the crowd except for Rossy who with great expectation in his eyes, exclaimed to his assistants, “we could be chance to kick less than 10 goals now”
Rick
Aug 10, 2026
Who did you murder Titus? How did you do it, and why?
Discomute
Aug 10, 2026
So Bulldogs still count as a top 8 side but gold coast don't (when they were 4th when we beat them)? How does that work?
Patricia Connor
Aug 10, 2026
The umpires should have known Bayley Fritsch’s mark in the dying moments was out of bounds, given he knocked over a rather well-curated cheese platter and a bottle of Chablis while taking it in the third row.
Best critique of the season Titus
Ian Campbell
Aug 10, 2026
It wasn't the 10 free kicks to 1 against Freo in the last quarter that upset me.
It wasn't the Bailey Fritch hairdo .
It wasn't the Mark in the third row.
It was having to listen to Michael Voss explain what Fremantle did wrong.
Hate the Vic media
Aug 10, 2026
So, Geelong looked like the best team money can buy when they beat the 18th team by 67 when at the same time in the state just to the east, another team beat the 15th placed team by 97?
So, you really are just another Vic media old boy after all aren't you Titus?
Rob Foster
Aug 10, 2026
Titus , it was an absolute privilege to be at the G on Saturday. Best game I've seen live and the atmosphere was stratospheric. In GA one expects to sit with any supporter and I've got to say Freo have some pretty decent folk supporting. Kings Birthday was a ripper game but this had everything I want to watch in our great game. Superb!
Ian Coate
Aug 10, 2026
I thought Fritch marked it sitting on Wayne Harmes lap
No we never forget
Roly Hill
Aug 10, 2026
Freo missed Pearce as a player and organiser. Drop both Coxes- too slow and bring in Darcy
Dogs Tragic
Aug 10, 2026
Doggies just making up the numbers in the peloton. I even started barracking for Norf after half time.
Bundyjack
Aug 10, 2026
Who said 1 poor decision will decide a game.
Do I hear the Crows vs Sydney
Do I hear Melbourne vs Freo
There is a big list, getting bigger
Gyfox
Aug 10, 2026
Titus, you disappoint me with your knowledge of wine. Everyone knows that Demon supporters do not drink Chablis. I'm sure it was a Pinot Noir!
the g train
Aug 10, 2026
Agree with everything you wrote this week, Titus. Although there were some confusing moments. Very, very confusing.
"The Bulldogs’ season has been a bit like every relationship I’ve been in.
It started very excitingly, then there was some bad luck, some bad decisions, a key forward went down and suddenly it's tense.
Then you spend months trying to recapture the magic, only for nothing to compare to those magical first few months, and suddenly, you lose to North Melbourne." Titus, at least you had some exciting and magic moments for a few months That's gotta count for something.
"St Kilda’s problem is they are cursed and they don’t even have a name for the curse. It’s denial." True enough. But there is a singular word, uniquely coined, to describe the journey of a St Kilda supporter: EternalSuffering. I am a St Kilda supporter.
Gyfox
Aug 10, 2026
PS: You could be murdered for that, Titus!
Mich
Aug 10, 2026
Your confession haha.
Giants v Suns, a showcase of our joke national competition. Bring on Tassie and NT.
Crowy
Aug 10, 2026
Great work again Titus. Agree that the Dees v Freo was great footy to watch and hopefully is a taste of what is come in the finals. Superb comment on the Fritsch mark in the 3rd row. Loved the 'very subtle references' aimed at Geelong!!
son of plugger
Aug 10, 2026
A beautiful KJR this week, Titus. But just to make it clear, beautiful is used here strictly in the idiomatic sense.
Again Titus shows true spirituality: "North Melbourne hadn’t beaten a top eight opponent under Alastair Clarkson until this game. By becoming the first top eight side to lose to them in that era, the Bulldogs are now no longer in the top eight." That's a literal metaphor for retributive karma, in a strange way.
But Mick Malthouse put it much better (no offence, Titus): The ox is slow, but the earth is patient.
Running Dog
Aug 10, 2026
Breaking News: Prominent footy pundit and cheese-gobbler Titus O'Reily arrested for several unsolved murders. Police not ruling out possible link to mysterious disappearance of capable Bulldogs coaching personnel. In a potentially related incident several Patek Philippe watches are missing from Whitten Oval.
No Worries Mate
Aug 10, 2026
Kudos to @G Station. He's sees the positive within the greatest of calamities.
My personal advice to The Messiah and St Kilda--pull up stumps on NWM's season. It's not worth bringing him back quickly, even if St Kilda somehow make the top 10. I pulled a hammy in Div 7 amateur league and come back in 2 weeks. Did the hammy again in the comeback match and that was my last game of footy. And I've had chronic hamstring awareness ever since. A plight not wished upon for any man, woman or child--not even a Collingwood supporter.
Lilac Mist
Aug 10, 2026
It’s seems for once you actually watched a Freo game! Plenty of truth in the write up, the Dees were hot in this game.
PC
Aug 10, 2026
"The gulf in class was huge. One team is a private jet, the other a flight to Bali on a budget airline."
Didn't fool me Titus. A thinly disguised depiction of the supporters of both clubs default mode of air travel.
saint peter
Aug 10, 2026
You say the players are cursed, what about the fans. Always being let down when the crunch comes. Nas aside, if the players were as dogged as Carlton were at the start I think we could have won the game. They hunted in packs. No one really helped the other team mate, when he was getting molested by a Carlton player.
And now we are going to lose Corey Enright. Our most favoured coach, is waiting on the sidelines, for a call up to the main job and he has got it at some other club. After for 62 years barracking/supporting the club & 48 years as a member I'll give it away when I get to 50 yrs if we lose Corey. Why get him in if we only lose him to somewhere else.
saint peter
Aug 10, 2026
PS great work Titus. Very funny & very witty.
Kookaburra
Aug 10, 2026
Because everyone hates Geelong, comments like "they destroyed the Bombers with the same ease they beat an AFL inquiry" and "Gryan Miers hobbled off in the second quarter. Luckily, after some time with the physio and a quick sign of a waiver, he came back on". Gold! Even my partner who isn't into football, laughed. And she has no sense of humour. Seriously, none.
Hird Train
Aug 10, 2026
Titas, I watched the Adelaide v Tigers match and, whilst it’s nice that the AFL is committed to handing back some games to Adelaide for previous major umpiring blunders, it was a bit hard to watch.
They should investigate the umpires mistakes from the last quarter. Too many to count. Richmond were robbed.
Glen
Aug 10, 2026
Hey Mich! Lau off the Tassie and NT teams. When they join they will be ace. Two teams from real footy zones with exciting players. An NT team full of Longs, McAdams, Jurrahs, McLeids, Motlops, Whites, Campbells, Bonsons, Tipungwutis will be incredible.
UpTheGuts
Aug 10, 2026
Ahhhhhh Cats, you’ve dunnit again. It’s a bit like trans women playing against the girls, deep fried ice cream, Trumps new ballroom or maybe Jim”s revised CGT tax - seemed like a good idea at the time but goes horribly pear shaped when argued rationally.
Stevo
Aug 11, 2026
"Luckily, after some time with the physio and a quick sign of a waiver, he came back on". Gold!
Macca RB
Aug 11, 2026
Bundy Jack
I can add two poor decisions in 5 minutes during the GWS / Gold Coast match. which cost GWS the match.
The non-goal decision to Bailey Humphries, when the ball touched his bum before sliding over the line.
The holding the ball, against Toby Greene, in front of goal.
A similar mark, held by Charlie Curnow - the previous day - was identical and awarded as such.
A free kick was awarded to Gold Coast because Greene was judged as holding the ball !
ABC radio commentary concluded that in a season of dreadful umpiring - this was the worst, all season.
David
Aug 12, 2026
There weren't any cheese platters near us in the MCC 50years members section on level 2. But for some strange reason we were in a row of mostly Freo supporters, who seemed to enjoy the game as much as we did. A game for the ages
PIES TRAGIC
Aug 14, 2026
Compliments to you Titus on another fine piece of football commentary. I feel the need to unburden myself by confessing to enjoying the weekly comments almost as much as your excellent prose. This week's prime example was some brilliant work from Ian Campbell in referencing Bailey Smith's hair, which produced an involuntary response that I had not previously experienced.
Andrew Deakin
Aug 20, 2026
Watching a rejuvenated and resurrected Carlton is a joy. The departures of TDK, CCurnow, & Silvagni seem not to have mattered. Each is languishing at clubs either underperforming, or in Curnow’s case, imploding. Schadenfreude ..,