Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Brisbane (126) v Sydney (83)

Welcome to a truly horrible round of football, and this was one of the better games.

Brisbane have been only OK all year, but anyone who has paid some attention to footy in the past few years knows they often look poor early on, only to then blow everyone out of the water.

It’s almost like Chris Fagan is more interested in the end of the season than the beginning. What a weirdo.

The Lions exposed the Swans game, showing it’s hard to do little handballs to each other if you’re being relentlessly smashed by your opponents.

Brisbane’s biggest opponent seemed to be the umpires, who again made a howler after a siren.

This time Logan Morris had a goal he kicked wiped out after the umpire ruled that he didn’t return to his original line.

I don’t blame the umpires for this. 

The AFL have overcomplicated the game to the point that there are so many invisible lines, subjective decisions and magic fairyland rules, that it’s impossible to umpire.

Turns out adding more umpires and the AFL Review Centre makes the game worse, not better. I’m shocked!

With the World Cup on, this week’s Sports Bizarre Podcast looks at the first-ever World Cup, a hot mess of a tournament.

Friday

Hawthorn (96) v Greater Western Sydney (82)

A somewhat wild game, with the Hawks getting up to a 43-point lead in the third quarter, only for the Giants to come surging back.

The Hawks managed to hold on, but like a drunken man on one of those rodeo mechanical bulls at a bar in North Queensland. It was effective but not convincing.

Injuries played a huge role with the Giants losing both Brent Daniels and Max Gruzewski within minutes of each other.

Hawthorn had their own problem, with Nick Watson sitting out the second half due to hamstring tightness.

I believe ‘hamstring tightness’ fits above ‘hamstring awareness, but below ‘hamstring tear’.

I should add, I’m not a doctor, so that could be wrong, but I’ve heard numerous AFL commentators use those terms, and I think all of them are doctors.

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Saturday

Carlton (117) v West Coast (64)

Who knew there was such joy in not being coached by Michael Voss?

The Blues players played for Voss like a bunch of children who had just been asked to get off their iPads and empty the dishwasher.

Under Fraser, they play like they’ve all been told everyone’s off to Timezone for unlimited free games.

And yes, Timezone still exists. I was dragged there for several children’s birthdays recently, and it is the loudest place on Earth.

There I learnt I’m old. I used to spend hours in arcades, but now I last a few minutes before I have to go find a café and have a coffee and a piece of cake.

Carlton have now won six in a row and 12^th in the ladder. Suddenly, they could make the wildcard round, and the Blues making the finals is wild.

West Coast’s strategic flaw was they kicked the ball directly to Carlton’s defenders rather than their own forwards.

You’d think that would be something you could adjust on the fly, but no, that never seemed to occur to the Eagles players or their coaching staff.

Collingwood (106) v Richmond (72)

The real hero in this one is whoever managed to pull together a highlights package on the AFL website, because it was slim pickings.

Six goals to one in the second quarter saw the Pies break the game open, and then they just held the Tigers at bay.

The Pies were certainly helped by the fact that the Tigers don’t really tackle, and their skills are painful to watch.

Collingwood’s skill wasn’t that much better at times, as they butchered opportunities up forward.

Still, I kept watching, as the alternative was chatting to my family, and they were dead against that.

Port Adelaide (97) v Adelaide (71)

Once again, the Showdown shows ladder position isn’t relevant.

The Crows have been on fire, while the Power have been below average.

That all changed thanks to Zak Butters.

Against the Crows, he delivered 37 disposals, 13 clearances, nine score involvements and six intercepts.

He even trapped Izak Rankine’s leg in a tackle, forcing Rankine off, returning later with his knee strapped and limiting him to 12 touches.

Port Adelaide are lucky to have a player like Zak Butters.

He’s the sort of player you can build a team around for years.

With him on board, things just seems brighter, and you know you’ve got one of those extremely rare players who are irreplaceable.

No wonder Power fans are excited about the future. 

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Sunday

North Melbourne (79) v Essendon (65)

I feel if you’re not a Bombers supporter, you’re in a win-win situation at the moment.

Somehow it seems the Essendon Football Club have positioned themselves between having either James Hird or Dean Solomon coach them next year.

I’m excited by both those candidates. I mean, not if it was for my team, but for Essendon, I say go for it.

While Josh Fraser’s impact at Carlton has been remarkable, Solomon’s has seemed to have little or no impact whatsoever.

Granted, it’s a team that seems borderline uncoachable, and a senior group of players who seem to actively dislike playing football.

Essendon keep saying they want to get a ‘real Essendon person’. Surely, given their history this century, they should be doing the opposite?

It seems ‘real Essendon people’ got them in this position. Surely doubling down ignores reality.

Oh, North Melbourne won this game.

Fremantle (80) v Gold Coast (29)

The Gold Coast Suns are like Ferrari’s first-ever electric car, the Luce.

No one was ever asking for it to exist, but the people in charge decided to spend 100 of millions of dollars developing it anyway, and the end result is an unimpressive mess that no one is interested in.

Against Fremantle, the Suns were up against a real Ferrari. A disciplined, fast and powerful team.

Gold Coast came out of the blocks slowly and stayed there.

They scored a measly three goals for the entire game and seemed like they were taking inspiration from the World Cup.

They’ve now lost five straight games and would not play finals if the season ended today, even if the AFL now hands out finals berths like they’re participation prizes.

Fremantle are the opposite, winning 14 straight and sitting eight points clear on top.

What an awful place to be for Dockers fans. They’ve never had things go this well. They’re not built to handle it.

Byes: Western Bulldogs, Geelong, St Kilda, Melbourne

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