Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Richmond (82) v Carlton (69)
Carlton certainly do have a brand; it’s making their fans’ lives a living hell.
To think, it seemed their ex-president would claim the most embarrassing moment at Carlton this year, but it turns out he wasn’t even close.
I once said Norte Dame would be rebuilt before Carlton. It opened to visitors last year.
Up by 41 points in the second quarter, Richmond fans were getting ready for a long season.
But Carlton is a hope machine. Not for themselves but for their opponents.
Like my mate Keith after a few bourbon and cokes, there’s always a chance with the Blues.
Richmond not only had a clean out last season, but they had three debutants and a very rusty Tom Lynch.
But they had one advantage over the Blues, wanting to play football, a handy advantage.
When the pressure came, the Blues wilted. Their skills were terrible, and they had senior players being pushed off the ball by skinny rookies.
Blues fans could only marvel at the predictability of it all, while the Richmond bandwagon has filled up once again.
Friday
Hawthorn (111) v Essendon (85)
Bombers fans will be a bit over being told to have patience.
Essendon seem to always be stuck in one of two phases, starting a new rebuild or giving up on the old rebuild.
After all, Hawthorn’s rebuild under Sam Mitchell is just three years old, while
Essendon’s is entering its third decade.
Most rebuilds are a bit like your tightarse mate promising their round will be next. It’s always going to happen, it never does.
Even more frustrating was that Essendon dominated the clearances but didn’t seem that sure what to do with the ball when they had it.
Their talls played with the effectiveness of those wavy blowup things out the front of a second-hand car yard.
The Hawks had two victories before some teams had even played this season.
They once again looked fast and competent which is disappointing.
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Saturday
Geelong (147) v Fremantle (69)
Why do the Dockers keep doing this to their own fans?
Everything from marking, to hitting a target seemed hard work for Fremantle, as they wilted under the pressure of the Cats.
If it wasn’t for first gamer Murphy Reid bobbing up and booting four goals in just six minutes, this could have been even uglier.
I’m not one to overreact over one game but put a line through Fremantle.
Oh wait, I am one to overreact. I’m also a bit of an idiot. Still Fremantle need to fix about forty things.
Once again, Geelong look set for a good year.
Headband connoisseur Bailey Smith made an impressive debut with 32 and a goal.
It’s just nice to see Geelong finally land a big recruit.
Sydney (82) v Brisbane (86)
After Cyclone Alfred delayed their start to the season, Brisbane rolled out this year’s model of Ashcroft.
The Levi edition looked the goods, and last year’s model, the Will, again proved classy.
Not to be left behind, Sydney had the Warner Brothers.
Surely these breeding programs are an unfair advantage?
I want to know what my club is doing to breed the next generation of superstars. Is gene editing a possibility? Cloning?
The Swans got out early to a 23-point lead in the first, leaving Sydney fans to wonder where this had been last September.
The Lions managed to get back on top and started wearing the Swans down.
It leaves the Swans 0-2. You can’t win a premiership from there. Right, Brisbane?
Western Bulldogs (113) v North Melbourne (97)
The Bulldogs focus in preseason was injuring their players, a questionable approach if you ask me.
They were missing Marcus Bontempelli, Adam Treloar, Cody Weightman, and Liam Jones.
They’re the only Bulldogs whose names I know, but the other guys put up a fight against a spirited North side.
The main talking point was when Jackson Archer’s knee collided with Luke Cleary, leaving Cleary knocked out.
Archer got three weeks, but it seemed more unlucky than intentional to me.
Perhaps the Match Review Officer remembers Glenn Archer and the AFL are now handing down an inter-generational tax on some players.
Collingwood (136) v Port Adelaide (45)
We didn't get through one quarter of the new season before Port fans called for the club to sack Ken.
It doesn’t get much to get a Port fan to call for Ken to go, and the club did sort of sack him in the offseason, but this was quick even for them
This was very poor.
Given Collingwood are apparently old and slow, I’m not sure what that makes Port.
Young but disinterested perhaps?
Succession plans seem to never really work. I mean, you don’t start going out with someone before you dump your current partner.
Well, you shouldn’t.
It just results in a whole lot of hurt feelings.
Even worse, former Power player Dan Houston ran amok and Tim Membrey relished not being at St Kilda, which is understandable.
Are Collingwood back, or are Port just terrible, and will Josh Carr be coach before Easter?
It’s going to be an intriguing season.
Sunday
Adelaide (135) v St Kilda (72)
St Kilda’s major problem is they don’t have very good players.
You can analyse gameplans all you want but not having very good players is a fair indication of how your team is going to go.
Add to that the fact that a Ross Lyon side that can’t defend is a bit like a boat that can’t float. It’s kind of the one thing they’re built for.
Yet Adelaide found scoring early on Sunday as they piled on five goals to none in just the opening 18 minutes.
St Kilda seemed to get a bit interested in putting up a fight in the second quarter, before finding that a bit too much trouble in the third and the floodgates opened.
It makes the Crows another team to wonder, are we good or did we just play one of the worst teams going around?
Melbourne (74) v Greater Western Sydney (77)
Some losses aren’t the disaster of others are, and as the Dees fans packed away their cheese platters, there was a sense that this wasn’t the complete end of the world.
The new kids looked good, the Dees probably should have won it, and the Giants are no slouches.
The big problem is when it really mattered, the Giants leaders lifted and a few of the Dees leaders didn’t.
Toby Greene is super annoying to play against. He just knows where to be.
Everyone at the G just got a sense he would be the difference, and it proved to be true.
The Dees had a few chances to seal this, and games like this come down to taking those.
When Aidan Johnson missed a shot at goal, it seemed inevitable the ball would go up the other end and result in a goal.
It stung to watch Lachlan Keeffe mark at the end and convert.
It’s like I always say, you never want to let Lachlan Keeffe beat you.
West Coast (49) v Gold Coast (136)
The Suns had their biggest victory ever on Sunday, as the Eagles fans resigned themselves to another year watching quite a bit of garbage.
West Coast’s midfield may have been out on the field but on TV it was hard to spot them, as the Suns seemed to have complete control of stoppages.
At times, the ease at which the Suns went forward made it look like a late evening stroll.
Tim Kelly and Harley Reid not playing really hurt the Eagles.
Lucky for Andrew McQualter, Eagles fans are a patient loss, and he’s got plenty of time to turn things around.
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COMMENTS
the g train
Mar 17, 2025
Titus--agree with everything you wrote. Except about St Kilda's major problem. It's Ross.
Titus--as a regular reader of your Knee Jerk Reaction, I was offered exclusive access today to interview Ross Lyon. When I entered his private office, 40 km below Moorabbin Oval, Mr Lyon was reading his very recent one year extension contract.
I asked Mr Lyon about his contract extension in light of the team's considerable loss yesterday. "Look", Ross said, "St Kilda extended my contract because they now have confidence in my tactics and game plan, and especially my long term vision for the team".
I asked him what his current game plan and tactics were. The Great Coach responded: "To kick no more than 10 goals in a game". I then asked him what his vision for the team was. He replied: "To hold our nerve and continue to kick no more than 10 goals per game". I then told Mr Lyon: "But in your interview with the club late in 2022, you promised a more attacking style of footy".
Ross Lyon aggressively responded: "Don't be naive, lad. You've never lied in your job interviews?".
Daniel Flesch
Mar 17, 2025
Thanks for yet another selection of incisive analysis, Titus... Why does Michael Christian have so much power all to himself? There should be at least two if not three MRo's. If there were I suspect it would've been unlikely neither Jackson Archer nor Jack Scrimshaw would've got three weeks each. Neither action was intentional , and if players are going to get rubbed out for carelessness we won't have many left... However I am glad you're disappointed that the Hawks look like they're going well, and I'll also be glad if you took the trouble to look up the big diff. between disinterested and uninterested. It's a common mistake to use dis. when you mean un. ,but you don't have to make it. Cheers, mate.
Andrew Hudson
Mar 17, 2025
The Dees fans were careful in packing away the cheeseboards. They needed to be aired and re - oiled before being put away due to the rain.
You may have missed 2 highlights. First the giant "windscreen wiper" across the scoreboards pretending to clear pretend rain during the storm. Second, the collection of lasses (presumably all called Colleen) who "Riverdanced" to "Lord of the Dance" after each Demons goal in keeping with the St Patrick's Day/ St Jimmy Stynes Day celebrations
Son of Plugger
Mar 17, 2025
Ripper second week KJR, Titus.
"Up by 41 points in the second quarter, Richmond fans were getting ready for a long season." Given that the bookmaker odds for a Richmond win was $11 before the game, I asked Elon Musk what the odds would have been for a Richmond victory at the moment the were down by 41 points. He said the true odds were $625, but the bookies would have given $60. Because they like to make a profit, he said. I know Titus doesn't like gambling, and is a bit apprehensive about Musk, but he IS a world-renowned expert on cheating in sports. So, Titus--was the fix on?
"Headband connoisseur Bailey Smith made an impressive debut with 32 and a goal." That's a lot of headbands.
Tremendous heart stopping win to GWS. Joyous to watch T Green and T Greene do their thing on Sunday. And just wait until Jake Stringer dons the orange.
John
Mar 17, 2025
Insightful as always, glad season underway
Thanks
Woof
Mar 17, 2025
I am a Carlton fan (queue solo violin dirge).
I am holding onto the fact that after last season’s horror ‘die in the ass’ at the end, we are aiming at a massive end of season taper that will see us bolt through the finals, but leaves us in rounds 1-3 looking like idiots who couldn’t hit the side of a barn and losing the first 3 games, as Brisbane did last year, due to being tired after a monster training block.
Alright! Alright! A bloke’s allowed to dream isn’t he!
Joel Biden
Mar 17, 2025
Please don't let Hawthorn start winning flags again.
The Daicos Factory
Mar 17, 2025
Just checking whether clones automatically come under the father-son rule.
Mark Jenkins
Mar 17, 2025
Titus, I never read anything about the games that don't feature our Dee's and even then, it can only be after a win.....
You hit the nail on the head about Toby (former Wesley Boy so considered closer to Melbourne than someone from a Government school!!) - he knows where to be when the ball is close by and that is a feature of a champions game.
But onto the players representing the MFC, 5 had a reasonable game for someone who would rather be Australia's next Lebron and play for anyone else but us... 13 was excellent and whilst he has eyes on a checken farm near Little River, I'm happy to keep him.
I was told we had a few new players but didn't recognise many as the numbers on their backs made them look like the blokes who had them last year...
11 was very good at tapping the ball - did anyone mention to him that he'll need to kick it straight at some stage this year?? A little bit of practice wouldn't go astray me thinks!!
All in all a game resembling a one of those Wife swapping parties where you end up going home with your own - they call in a win, win but it still leaves a you wondering where it all went wrong
MJ
Son of plugger
Mar 17, 2025
@DANIEL FLESCH
Interesting about the dis vs un interested debate. But I reckon Titus has nailed this one, this time.
Fat Side
Mar 17, 2025
Yes, at Tigerland we had the bandwagon full of chicken manure, ready to tip on Yze's lawn, but after that win we've had to empty it out so we can fit all the supporters back in.
DON FRANCISCO'S SISTER
Mar 17, 2025
*Archer got three weeks, but it seemed more unlucky than intentional to me.
Perhaps the Match Review Officer remembers Glenn Archer and the AFL are now handing down an inter-generational tax on some players.*
It would be interesting to compare the suspension rates (their frequency and severity) for players in Top 8 teams early in the season with the suspension rates in Top 8 teams as the Finals approach. I'm sure there'd be a clear difference.
Fairwestuff
Mar 17, 2025
That de facto AFL side GC Suns finally looked like the money invested in them is bearing a return, with imports from all states of of Oz with Dimma impressing on the graduates and seasoned players the need to win away from Carrara they demolished the Wet Toast on their own heap. Make no mistake they are where GWS were a couple of years ago and they looked hungrier than a refugee from Gaza. Meanwhile the Weagles rebuild is still at pouring the footings level and look light years away from being competitive Oh well….back to local side in the WAFL least I know that I will see a competitive match there-just need a few ex players to return from being drafted under our noses.
Andrew Deakin
Mar 17, 2025
It is a gambling truism that anything over 5/2 in a 2 horse race is exceptional value, and should be backed regardless of form. Richmond’s pre-game odds against Carlton were 9/1. In this instance, ‘regardless of form’ should have been unnecessary, given Carlton’s record over the last decade. Astute punters should backed Richmond into odds-on favouritism.
Little Docker Lost
Mar 17, 2025
Titus by name Titus by....
Hard to believe air would ever come out of your backside when you are on one.
Much appreciated.
LDL
Daniel Flesch
Mar 17, 2025
@ Joel Biden. Collingwood, Carlton and Essendon have all won 16 Flags. Hawks were later entrants to the old VFL and have won only 13 so still have some catching up to do.
saint peter
Mar 17, 2025
Excellent value Titus. You summed up every team to perfection. St.Kilda I am hoping are now going to concentrate on playing the kids. I mean can we fit the offspring of the following players into our side: Wilson, Collard, Travaglia, Keller, Henry, Hastie, Phillipou, Tauru, Garcia, Hall, Boxshall, Heath. Now that is playing the youth. They should all be strong & tough enough to play. I think Ross should be coaching by the time these kids come through. At least we have a plan now.
John TURNELL
Mar 17, 2025
Titus,
Love your work. Sorry to be a pedant but, grammatically, it’s bourbons and coke.
JDT.
Geoff
Mar 17, 2025
You had the Febeys, the Vineys and the McDonalds back in the day. I think the Dees problem was too many brothers!
Payne Clavicle
Mar 17, 2025
Borrowed Longmuir is on time. Consecutive will eighteen save him wins only.
Um
Mar 17, 2025
"Young but disinterested perhaps?"
The word you want is uninterested, Titus.
Disinterested means impartial, as in having no financial interest in something.
Pedantically yours,
Um
Fifth Umpire
Mar 17, 2025
Excellent Titus though you forgot to mention that the Cats all went off for a cheeseburger at halftime and, returning at three quarter time to find the Quokkas only 21 points behind, still managed to win by a margin greater than any score ever recorded by a team coached by Ross.
Woof
Mar 18, 2025
RE: JOEL BIDEN MAR 17, 2025
Please don't let Hawthorn start winning flags again.
Here’s my theory:
1897-1958
= 62 seasons
= Collingwood wins 13 flags
= next flag takes 32 years
= 1990.
1961-2022
= 62 seasons
= Hawthorn wins 13 flags
= next flag takes 32 years
= 2054.
Belinda Adams
Mar 18, 2025
Hey guess what Titus? We have another Ashcroft model in the academy, the Lucy, who will no doubt be playing in the AFLW in a few years, along with a female Browny model. Look out, our succession plan is here!
Doug Piranha
Mar 18, 2025
@Woof.
Looking forward to that Hawks 🏆 in September 2054. It will give me something other than my 99th birthday to celebrate that month.
Regarding your theorey though,
1961-2015
= 55 seasons
= Hawthorn wins 13 flags.