Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Western Bulldogs (64) v Adelaide (121)

I was surprised at the ease with which the Crows won this, almost as much as the Bulldogs where it had started.

The Dogs looked like the sticky tape that’s holding them together this season was starting to peel off.

Having a defence that would need help getting things off the top shelf at the supermarket is not helping them at all.  

Early in the season, the Crows looked about as threatening as The Wiggles.

Fast forward a few weeks, and they look more threatening than your partner when you come home six hours later than you said you would.

It was when the Crows got to a 47-point lead that I decided the Bulldogs might be in a bit of trouble.

Jordan Dawson booted three first-quarter goals in what is truly becoming an inspirational season.

He’s forcing me to battle some deeply unsettling emotions. Do I like a Crows player? 

With the World Cup on, this week’s Sports Bizarre Podcast looks at the history of FIFA, an organisation that makes crime syndicates look like model citizens.

Friday

Geelong (105) v Gold Coast (60)

While collapsing as the season goes on is the only tradition the Suns have, it doesn’t make it worth keeping.

The Cats barely got out of second gear against an ineffective Suns outfit.

Damien Hardwick threw his toys out of the cot after the game, criticising the umpires for being influenced by the crowd.

You’d have to say it was a stretch, given it was a 45-point loss. Perhaps the Suns midfield was influenced by the crowd as well?

He is right to be annoyed with the AFL, though.

I mean, what have they ever done for them?

Apart from 12 first-round picks on their list, an academy, and the 100s of millions of dollars in funding that keeps them going.

But apart from all that, what have the AFL ever done for the Suns?

The Suns have not won a game since playing in Darwin. They should have never left.

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Saturday

Melbourne (95) v Essendon (50)

The only real question emerging out of this game was how did the Dees lose to this team in Gather Round?

The Dees didn’t even play that well, but they still ran rings around and Essendon side that seems to shoot itself in the foot at key moments.

In this case it was their kicking foot, when in the third quarter, as they got on top, they then missed shot on goal after shot on goal.

Another loss is something Essendon fans can handle; they’ve got experience there.

It’s the search for a new coach that is driving them mad.

First, it was James Hird, now it’s apparently Dean Solomon. Or is it? What’s media speculation and what’s true?

All I know is the process feels like someone on Tinder at 1am swiping right constantly in the hope that something lands.

I’m sure Essendon fans will take comfort that their club usually makes the right decision.

North Melbourne (74) v West Coast (73)

Two sides you don’t normally associate with entertainment, but this was an exciting game.

This was North’s second ‘home’ game in Western Australia. Their first was so bad they shouldn’t have been paid. That money should have gone to the people of Bunbury for ticket refunds.

This however proved it’s always hard to beat North at home at Optus Stadium.

A game of momentum swings, it was all most a full forward shoot out, at least as much as a game can be these days.

Nick Larkey up one end booted four, while down the other Jake Waterman booted three.

He also missing a set shot in the dying moments, a shame given he had been a big reason the Eagles almost pinched the win.

He was probably put off by the ferocious North Melbourne home crowd.

Port Adelaide (90) v Sydney (93)

If there was an award for most wins in an unconvincing fashion, the Swans would pretty much have it sewn up.

Winning when you’re not playing well is, however, a skill most top teams possess and the Swans have it in spades.

Again, the Swans left things late; they were down by 20 points in the second quarter.

They narrowed that to nine points at three-quarter time before coming over the top in the fourth.

Port’s biggest problem is that they kept letting the Swans off the hook in key moments, missing shots at goal, and at one point spoiling each other for a mark.

It was the sort of game that leaves fans wondering why their team is out to ruin their life. 

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Sunday

Richmond (80) v Brisbane (115)

The Lions only beat Richmond by 35 points. It’s enough to trigger a Royal Commission.

Richmond currently has a team made up of kids old enough to be firebombers and fringe VFL players, yet the Lions made this look hard.

In fact, Dustin Martin was playing in Hobart too, for Clarence, and he could have made this Richmond side but probably didn’t want to go down a level.

Brisbane’s only consolation is that they’re playing terribly this season but are still seventh on the ladder.

Oh my god.

They’re going to win the premiership again, aren’t they?

St Kilda (96) v Greater Western Sydney (88)

This game was scheduled to clash with the Socceroos game, and many people complained. I think the AFL should be applauded.

Minimising people’s exposure to Ross Lyon coach teams should be everyone’s aim.

Friends don’t let friends watch St Kilda.

And the Socceroos were great, disciplined, skilful and explosive when it mattered.

Both Socceroos goals were quality, and I would give anything for them to beat the United States.

Byes: Collingwood, Carlton, Hawthorn, Fremantle

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