Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Fremantle (99) v Geelong (90)

It’s getting a bit ridiculous now.

A win over Geelong means the Dockers have thirteen wins in a row, with four of their next six games at home.

Down 28 points in the second quarter, the Dockers seemed in trouble, against a Geelong side missing Bailey Smith and Tom Stewart.

They needed something special.

Enter Luke Jackson, who delivered 28 disposals, three goals, nine tackles and 25 hitouts. He’s an elite midfielder trapped in a ruckman’s body. 

It’s like in Jurassic World when they mixed the DNA of a T. rex with a Velociraptor and the thing got loose and they had to shut the park.

I mean, how many times do they make the same mistake in those Jurassic movies?

Surely the first movie taught us not to mix dinosaurs and people, especially in a theme park setting. Yet they do it time and again. It’s an alarming lack of risk management and the lawsuits would be immense. 

All the sequels should just be class actions in court.

Wait, what were we talking about? 

With the World Cup on, this week’s Sports Bizarre Podcast looks at the Battle of Santiago, the most violent game in World Cup History.

Friday

Gold Coast (97) v Hawthorn (113)

Four losses in a row for the Gold Coast, and it’s a bit hard for Damien Hardwick to argue the umpires were at fault in this one.

The Suns were thereabouts in this until the Hawks unleashed a four-goals-in-four-minutes barrage at the start of the four quarter.

Hawks fans would be thrilled with Will Day returning to his top form but less thrilled with Josh Weddle breaking Daniel Rioli’s jaw.

A three-match ban is hardly helpful for the Hawks, especially with Jarman Impey also going off injured.

The Suns remind me a lot of my friend Jeff. He goes hard early on a night out, but about halfway through he gets very quiet, and then he ghosts.

Gold Coast does this every season. 

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Saturday

Adelaide (79) v Melbourne (62)

I watched this in a restaurant inside Adelaide Oval and I must say, the Wagyu steak was fantastic, and the wine pairing was top-notch.

They had some great sides too, including a potato dish lightly seasoned with paprika.

In the third quarter, a cheese selection was offered that really blew me away.

This made the Dees loss incredibly disappointing and really spoiled a fantastic dining experience.

The real difference was in the key moments; the Crows were just more polished.

The Dees had their chances, but like my love life, they made massive mistakes that were impossible to overcome. 

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Greater Western Sydney (65) v Carlton (88)

A few years ago, they looked like the Giants were about to win ten premierships in a row.

Now they have been overtaken by Carlton’s rebuild, which is like watching a Ferrari get overtaken by someone on a mobility scooter.

This season, they appear less like an orange tsunami and more a spilt can of Fanta.

Josh Fraser not only has the Blues winning, but on the weekend, he had them not fall apart when challenged in the second half.

The Giants looked like they were coming, but Carlton steadied and lifted.

For Fraser to get them to do that, well, it’s up there with Jesus turning water into wine.

He needs just one more verified miracle to be made a saint.

It might be one of life’s great ironies that the only person on the planet who can coach Carlton, doesn’t want to.

Collingwood (78) v Port Adelaide (52)

Surely the MCG set a record for most outstanding warrants in the one place on Saturday.

It was a difficult night for Port fans, losing three players to injury in a nightmare of a third quarter.

Jack Lukosius, Ewan Mackinlay both went off, but Esava Ratugolea’s injury was the worst with a ruptured patella tendon.

One word you never want in connection to your body is ‘ruptured.’

Port looked in good shape, and Collingwood looked in trouble, until Jordan de Goey got involved.

De Goey was the spark plus, kicking three goals from 26 disposals, playing the sort of game you always think de Goey should play.

Nick Daicos once again had video game-type numbers.

He had 41 touches, nine clearances, 10 score involvements and a goal.

It halted the Power’s momentum, who then helped the Pies out further by missing some key shots.

Sunday

Richmond (48) v North Melbourne (73)

This game was so bad, it made me regret being blessed with the gift of sight.

If you got two groups of British Backpackers, who had never seen AFL, and had been on the cans for several hours, and sent them out there, they wouldn’t have looked out of place.

So bad were the skills and decision-making that this would be a wonderful video to teach people how not to play football.

The Tigers seemed confused as to where the goals were, heading sideways when they got the ball. They seemed allergic to heading towards the goal.

North’s saving grace is that they were playing the Tigers. Anyone else, and they would probably have been belted.

To think, the AFL charged people to watch this 

St Kilda (61) v Western Bulldogs (83)

Being a Saints supporter would be tough.

Going through another underwhelming season got a lot worse on the weekend with a slew of injuries.

Jack Sinclair went off with a significant calf injury and then Tom De Koning copped a knee which resulted in a punctured lung and two broken ribs.

If the medical imaging clinic hadn’t already made enough off the Saints, Rowan Marshall was also sent for a scan on his collarbone after battling through the rest of the match.

It’s a massive blow for the Saints, who started the year looking to challenge for a premiership, but are now seeing their chances of finishing in the top ten slip away.

The game itself was worth it for a single moment, when Marcus Bontempelli, at full speed, with the ball coming at him along the ground, gathered it with one hand, turned, and snapped it for a goal.

It was like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel, a work of genius that will be remembered throughout the ages.

Byes: Brisbane, Essendon, Sydney, West Coast 

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