Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Brisbane v Geelong
I just want to say, it’s good to be back for the year, and thanks to everyone for reading this.
After all, there are now seven million footy shows now on TV, all of them involving Kane Cornes in some capacity.
So thank you.
The AFL is back! Sort of, kind of, in a way.
Opening Round, a concept popular north of the Murray and viewed on a level similar to home invasions south of it, stumbled into view over the weekend.
Now, no one likes bagging the AFL more than me, but it seemed odd that some people in the media seemed to be blaming the AFL for Cyclone Alfred.
On a side note, it seems cruel they’re now calling it ex-tropical cyclone Alfred just because he’s moved onto a new phase in its life.
There appears to me to be two separate issues here; one does Opening Round work as a concept, and two, the cyclone.
The AFL can’t really be blamed for a cyclone cancelling games, the weather is kind of the one thing they don’t ruthlessly manage.
As for Opening Round, the lack of games, and all teams not playing does mean we sort of stagger into the season with all the momentum of a sloth that just took a sleeping tablet.
But the ratings are huge, which means more money for the AFL, which is after all the sole purpose football exists.
The AFL does need to do things for the northern states, after all, despite the prevailing view in the Victorian media, it is a national competition and has apparently been one for some time.
South Australia has Gather Round, Victoria the Grand Final, Tasmania are getting a team even if they don’t want one and Western Australia has Harley Reid.
They’ve all got their thing.
The Northern states do need something.
I’m just not sure Opening Round is that thing.
Friday
Sydney (76) v Hawthorn (96)
It’s hard to convey this game in words.
Mainly because I could barely see it as Fox Footy decided they needed their scoreboard graphics to be the size required for someone who reads a menu with their phone torch on
Seriously, this thing was as unnecessarily large as that new ute your tradie cousin is now driving.
Swans fans would be wondering why a cyclone couldn’t have stopped last year’s Grand Final.
In fact, few fans have gone through so much trauma in such a short period of time as Swans fans
There was the 63-point defeat in 2014, then the 22-point loss in 2016, the 81-point destruction in 2022 and then the 60-point loss last year.
At what point does a government body step in and stop Swans fans from following the team for their own good?
While Swans fans are probably nervous about the season, especially if the worst happens and they make a Grand Final, Hawthorn fans are excited.
A lot of people accuse this young Hawks side of being arrogant, but to Hawthorn fans, this isn’t seen as a criticism, but a compliment.
Being arrogant is the club’s brand.
And they probably have reason to be arrogant. They win premierships relentlessly and they just did a rebuild in a few seasons that take some clubs decades.
People say I hate Hawthorn because they just have more success than me, but I say to those people, ‘true’.
It’s going to be a long year.
If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.
Saturday
Gold Coast v Essendon
Being hit by a cyclone would only be the second worst thing to happen to the Gold Coast Suns this year given they launched that new logo recently.
As for Essendon, their fans are used to false starts, so they would have been not too fazed about this.
Now this game is scheduled for the pre-finals bye weekend, which could be the ultimate dead rubber or a chance for the Bombers to be knocked out of the finals in the most entertaining way.
Sunday
Adam Kingsley (104) v Craig McRae (52)
Watching Collingwood lose is always nice, but the real highlight was a tense exchange between the two coaches on the sidelines.
It came after Toby Bedford gave away a 50m penalty and McRae clapped him and said, ‘We’re coming’.
Kingsley didn’t appreciate it and said so.
A sensible approach from the AFL would be to give both coaches a warning… and strip Collingwood of any premiership points they earn this season.
McRae should really be in trouble for false advertising, not since the Blues told people they were coming has a team so clearly not delivered on that promise.
If the Pies are coming, they are coming very slowly.
The Giants just ran them off their feet.
Finn Callaghan showed why the Saints were willing to offer him a billion dollars.
His game was almost as eye-catching as the Fox Footy scoreboard.
Pies fans wouldn’t have been thrilled by the performance, even more so when Nick Daicos grabbed at the back of his leg.
Apparently, it was just a cramp, but it does raise a serious question, do the Pies have enough Daicosi (I think that’s the collective noun)?
Have they been negligent in not producing more?
If I were Collingwood Chairman, I’d be playing Barry White around the Daicos family all the time.
Byes: Pretty much everyone
Sports Bizarre returns for the year tomorrow. Get it wherever you get your podcasts.
You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus
COMMENTS
Pieman
Mar 10, 2025
Aaaaah, an edifying loss to kick off season 2025. Nonetheless, super glad to see your missive in my email this morning, Titus. Wishing you a sensational season of writing.
Victoria
Mar 10, 2025
Love your commentary in a world that doesn’t laugh enough. I particularly liked comments on Kane Cornes! We will surely get rather tired of his supposed expert opinion a million times a week!
Cheers
Victoria
susan capes
Mar 10, 2025
great to have you back Titus.
FATBAT
Mar 10, 2025
Welcome back Titus. My home is smiling. Your commentary is a delight as ever, even though inglorious bastard, Alfred, got in the way. I look forward to reading your words, or listening to your dulcet tones after my Tiges complete their first round. Happy days everyone from the lanes and plains of Lalor.
Tom
Mar 10, 2025
2 games only Mondays jerk was quick
Fiona Butler
Mar 10, 2025
The Fox scoreboard with the FNF logo (because we don't know its Friday night) was very loud and shouty. Whilst it's the first time in years I haven't had to put glasses on to see the score, I also don't need it to be yelled at me in colour and bold font. Back in the corner you go until you have permission to leave.
Gail McGregor
Mar 10, 2025
The AFL mightn’t be back But you are Titus 🥰
Viano
Mar 10, 2025
Titus is back !!!!!!
The world has returned to normal and I can now concentrate on important things, again, and forget about the Trump Comedy Show for a while.
Thank you, so much Titus. You're performing an important geopolitical service.
LC
Mar 10, 2025
Great to see you back, Titus!
Welcome to another season of the AFL.
Here's hoping all the QLD and NSW fans are recovering from ex-cyclone Alfred.
CountryRoo
Mar 10, 2025
Good to see the Titus commentary back a week before the footy.
David Swanpietiger
Mar 10, 2025
I’m not sure why I didn’t expect to see your email this morning but at the same time, what a thrill it was! You’ve sharpened your wit even further since the last game of 2024.
After attending both Sydney games this weekend and seeing both of my favoured teams lose, to get a giggle or seven out of the results was wonderful. It’s going to be a long season I suspect, but looking forward to you regaling us through the better moments like only you can.
Welcome back and thank you!
Gibbo
Mar 10, 2025
I lived in Western Sydney for 12 months and it wasn’t “great “. When it was 35 degrees in Manly it was 45 degrees in Penrith. On another matter, as a Dees supporter I watched GWS demolish Collingwood with trepidation. Big test for the Dees coming up.
Gyfox
Mar 10, 2025
Welcome back, Titus.....I look forward to you making footy more entertaining. But please brush up on your Greek. Surely the plural of Daicos = Daicoi?
IanC
Mar 10, 2025
Very disappointing Titus! I'd been expecting your comments this year to be co-written with Kane Cornes.
Phil
Mar 10, 2025
As a poor and suffering(have a heel spur) Hawthorn supporter. You tend to forget, we are now in our tenth year of a premiership drought. It's like waiting for Alfred and just like an ex cyclone, we'll probably blow this year by running out of puff
The Hawks or is that hoks,could bring in the Army to help. But the Armies weekend impersonation of the Keystone cops, one thinks maybe not. Although they would have put a smile on the face of the Chinese warship crew
Gaye
Mar 10, 2025
No Coodabeens on the radio or footy on a Saturday afternoon. It was so good to see your commentary hit my email. Welcome back Titus….
David Sullivan
Mar 10, 2025
Great to have footy back(well sort of) and wlcome back Titus. I really look forward to your humorous reviews.
Victoria, as for Kane Cornes. The man is a flog. So was his father. The apples never fall far from the tree
Jason
Mar 10, 2025
Mate, I come here precisely due to the lack of Kane Cornes involvement.
Kate
Mar 10, 2025
I don't know about this Giants winning relentlessly and drawing a crowd bit, I've come to really enjoy our beautiful ground, easy parking and not having to line up for more than 46 seconds for a beer. In other news, in a scrap between Kingers and... well almost anyone, I'm backing Kingers. Have you seen that gun show?
Ron Bertoncello
Mar 10, 2025
Wonderful insightful thoughts!!
Mich c
Mar 10, 2025
Welcome back Titus. 4/4 guffaws.
Doug
Mar 10, 2025
Why would you watch Fox when the game was free to air on 7?
The less Murdoch in your home, the happier the world will be.
Will White
Mar 10, 2025
Great to have you back Titus. I was glad Hawthorn focused on aesthetics and ditched the poos and wees. It was surprising that they elected to replace the wees with more poos. A commendable effort, but I’m afraid it’s back to the drawing board.
Fat Side
Mar 10, 2025
Titus, I've paid so little attention to the opening round shenanigans that having your email drop was like working in the yard on a Saturday and hearing a siren sound in the distance and thinking "ah, there's a game of footy starting somewhere."
Good to have you back!
Mac Hawk
Mar 10, 2025
If Hawthorn keep winning Titus will be in grave danger of drinking himself to death.
Hey, I will supply a ute load of bag and box chardonay for the goal assist.
Sorry, that was nasty - my arrogance is more cutting for having Pluto in the third house.
Kafka’s Ghost
Mar 10, 2025
Great to have you back, Titus. At last, something to chuckle about in the in box. Thanks for your empathy regarding our on-going pain as Swans’ fans, too. We all know you’ve had plenty of experience as a Dee’s fan in that regard, but appreciated all the same.
Charlie Osborne
Mar 10, 2025
You're a breath of fresh air Titus. Even fresher is the Pies losing by 52 points. Thanks, from Wisconsin, US (not a Trump supporter).
saint peter
Mar 10, 2025
Great to have back Titus. I think you mentioned Kayne Cornes - can you tell me what channel he is on please, as it is hard to find him on Fox.
Also, we only had to sit through 4 games so far, it truly was a great experiment by the AFL to get into the cricket season. At least there is no shenanigans going on because the players do not get the rest between seasons like they used to. They only get injured by doing a "hammie" because they haven't trained. Good thinking. I see Carlton is taking the same approach as Neil Balme took. They said Charlie Curnow would be about 1-2 weeks before he would play but that was 3-4 weeks ago.
All the best for season 2025.
Lilac Mist
Mar 10, 2025
I just snorted coffee out my nose at the idea of a Barry White led rebuild at Collingwood
the g train
Mar 10, 2025
Great to have you back, Titus. The misery is over. I missed Thursday's opener--since you (ruthlessly) abandoned your (utterly) unhelpful guide, I have no idea what's going on before any round of footy. Anyhow, agree with everything you wrote in your KJR. The singular voice of sensible irrational hysteria.
Regarding the Opening Round,Titus--It's always infuriated me how many think the number 0 is pronounced O. Drives me nuts. And now many are calling the Opening Round--"Round 0". It's Round O!! O for friggin' Opening! It's too much, Titus. I can't take it anymore. Scrap Opening Round. To stop the excruciating suffering caused by experienced commentators calling Round O Round 0. As a StK supporter, I have enough overwhelming suffering in my life.
Son of Plugger
Mar 10, 2025
Thank you, Titus. Life has meaning yet....
"Finn Callaghan showed why the Saints were willing to offer him a billion dollars". Just shows there's more to life than money. There's quality of life and having a normal existence. Finn would still be very well paid (you'd think), but he can also swagger around Sydney stress free, without being hassled, or even recognised, by the public. Ever. But yeah, GWS were awesome. Just imagine when Jake Stringer plays. They'll be unbeatable.
@Kate--on video, you can see Mr Kingsley effortlessly bench press 120 kg, just for a laugh. According to the most reliable of all sources (T. Greene), he tops all the players in the bench press test.
Frank
Mar 10, 2025
Sure the AFL wants to control the weather. Donald Trump arrives at Docklands!
Frank
Mar 10, 2025
Sure the AFL wants to control the weather. Donald Trump arrives at Docklands!
Darren J Ray
Mar 10, 2025
Thanks, Titus. Great to have you back. Loved your show at the Triffid last November.
WA Bogan
Mar 10, 2025
They should rename it the Clayton's Round. But now we have Round 23.5, that'll probably catch on if it makes a buck. Anyway, we should be happy that we didn't get to hear Bruce Macavaney... can we arrange for a cyclone or other natural disaster (excluding the Fremantle Dockers) for every game he is due to commentate?
Gazza
Mar 10, 2025
As a lifelong Hawks supporter, great to see them rate a couple of lines in the review of the Swans game
WA Bogan
Mar 10, 2025
In other "good news" for footy fans, Basil Zempilas has been elected as an MP in WA so that SHOULD mean we don't need to listen to his inane footy commentary anymore...
Penguin
Mar 10, 2025
A warm welcome to you Titus, despite a loss. Your wit and insightful commentary is much appreciated. Infinitely superior to the ignorant moral supremacy displayed by the unlikeable Mr Cornes.
Johnno
Mar 10, 2025
A nice surprise to find the jerk email, Titus, more than well received. Doug, I get what you say about the Murdoch, but is Kerry Stokes any better?? I think not. Son of Plugger, Stringer missing from the Giants is one thing, but Hogan is another. Injuries aside they will be hard to toss this year. Johnno
Doug Piranha
Mar 10, 2025
Delighted to see The Knee Jerk Reaction pop up in my email today Titus. Your return for another season of footy merriment gave me almost as much joy as Cyclone Alfred creating an opportunity for my arrogant young Hawks (or Hoks) to be the first team to post a W in 2025.
MarkDman
Mar 10, 2025
The AFL can’t really be blamed for a cyclone cancelling games? I beg to differ, Titus. The AFL got what was coming to it for scheduling games in the sub-tropics before the Sheffield Shield was even through its home and away fixture, let alone the final. The footy gods have ordained no games before the autumn equinox, and they have passed their judgement.
Grace Barratt
Mar 11, 2025
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Malcolm Turner
Mar 11, 2025
Doug, Your comment yesterday regarding watching footy on Fox rather than FTA channel 7 in my opinion does not hold. Fox gives me Brian Taylor free commentary for which I am truely grateful. Great to have you back Titus. Go Dee's.
FAIRWESTUFF
Mar 11, 2025
Titus,
Here in the west, I was also delightfully surprised to receive your analysis of Round O.
Much to my surprise there were a few chuckles and even some cogent points brought to bear but even more more enlightening and entertaining was the contributions of the comments team- from the Kane Cornes Brian Taylor Bruce Macavaney and Basil Zempilas fan clubs( all emanating from west of the Victorian border ) where's the beloved Vic commentators?,,, to the dreaded Hawks flexing the wings- I feel like you "THEY'RE DANGEROUS " as Pontious Pilate said of the maddening crowd in JC SUPERSTAR.
Love your stuff
WELCOME BACK TITUS
Snorri Gunderchuckson
Mar 12, 2025
Can’t stand Kane Cornes.
Not particularly enamoured of Cyclones either…