Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Adelaide (100) v Geelong (119)

There may not be a more fun week in Australia than Gather Round.

Once again it delivered, with footy fans from around the country descending on South Australia.

The thing that strikes you is how good a mood everyone is in. It’s like Disneyland for footy fans.

South Australia itself works perfectly. It’s easy to get around, there’s place to go and Adelaide Oval is so beautiful it should be hung in the Louvre.

The buzz at this first game was incredible, as the two teams were like boxers trading haymakers.

The Crows landed some blows early, shooting out to a 30-point lead, as Darcy Fogerty booted four goals in the second quarter.

Not since Maggie Beer released her range of ice creams have Crows fans been so excited.

Unfortunately, the Crows were playing Geelong and Chris Scott did some coaching stuff and Matthew Nicks didn’t.

Helping Geelong were Adelaide’s five straight misses for goal, and from there the Cats smelt blood.

Up forward, Geelong had the advantage of kicking to Jeremy Cameron or Patrick Dangerfield, the equivalent of deciding whether to take the Bentley or the Rolls out for a spin.

The result was a Cats victory, everyone was exhausted, and it was only night one of Gather Round.

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Friday

Collingwood (109) v Sydney (78)

Like a scene from Mad Max: Fury Road, Pies fans had made the trek over to Adelaide in droves and would be thrilled they made the trip.

After checking their weapons in at the gate, Pies fans flooded Adelaide Oval to watch their side pick apart a disappointing Sydney.

Steele Sidebottom may be old enough to already access his superannuation, but he looks younger than almost anyone else out there.

Talk that Collingwood are too slow and old now seems like wishful thinking by opposition fans.

Nick Daicos made the game look far easier than anyone should, and Ned Long looked worryingly good.

Sydney’s big problem is scoring. Their forward line looks as dangerous as a plastic spork.

Saturday

North Melbourne (89) v Gold Coast (141)

This game was played in the Barossa Valley, as AFL executives move as many games as possible close to wineries.

To be clear, I fully support that policy.

A beautiful venue was somewhat spoiled by the football North Melbourne dished up.

It looked like the Kangaroos had been on a wine-tasting tour before the game.

There’s no doubt the last few weeks have been worrying for North.

Defeating Melbourne looked like a big step forward, but it turns out beating the Demons is like dressing yourself, something most three-year-olds can do.

Against the Suns, another team on the rise, North looked lost.

The Suns had no such problems, in fact they knew exactly what they were doing.

It was a feast, with 14 goalkickers for the Suns. A performance like that was impressive. Even with their terrible jumpers, you must take them seriously.

Carlton (121) v West Coast (50)

A week off from playing AFL helped the Blues avoid a loss this week, as they took on semi-professional WAFL side, the West Coast Eagles.

This being Carlton, they still managed to kick for goal incredibly poorly, losing the just returned Harry McKay to concussion and Brodie Kemp to an ankle injury.

The game itself reached no great heights, as the Blues didn’t look good, they just looked like they were playing the Eagles.

West Coast look bad across the board. Their skills are poor, and they can only keep up a level of intensity for a few minutes.

They also seem to have a limited understanding of the game. At one stage, Patrick Cripps strolled into an open goal as no Eagles thought to stand on the mark.

This is hardly something you want to see as a fan. It’s always a worry when you are paying more attention than your players are.

Western Bulldogs (97) v Brisbane (118)

If you are heading over to Gather Round next year, and I highly recommend you do, get to Norwood Oval for a game.

Seeing two AFL sides go at it in such close confines is a treat, you can hear the players talking and up close the clash of bodies makes you realise just how brave these players are.

One problem though was the heat as both teams had to contend with 30-plus degrees. It meant hydration was key, which the crowd certainly committed to it.

The Bulldogs came out storming, and by the third quarter, they held a 39-point lead.

So bad had the Lions performance been that Chris Fagan asked the players who thought they had been playing to their ability to stand up. Apparently almost no one did.

As always, a bit of public shaming delivered results. Brisbane, a team that doesn’t mind a comeback, launched an audacious one.

Eric Hipwood was the perfect example of the comeback. With just one disposal at halftime, he finished with five goals, as the Lions ran riot in the second half.

They booted 14 goals to 5 in the second half as the Bulldogs struggled with the heat.

Melbourne (57) v Essendon (96)

Well, here we go again.

The Dees brief moment in the sun is over as they plumb familiar depths.

Against the Bombers, they were again deplorable. Most depressing is it’s the same old problems that have plagued the club for a few years now.

The Dees were a good midfield and defensive team with a poor forward line.

Instead of improving the forward line, they have brought the midfield and defence down to the forward line’s level.

It’s not all the forward line’s fault either. The delivery into the forward line seems to be intentionally designed to stop them from kicking goals.

Every time it’s a high bomb into a forward pocket or the top of the square. To mix it up, they sometimes kick it directly to an opponent.

This has not changed in several seasons, despite a lot of talk of fixing the ‘midfield/forward connection.’

It’s an interesting strategy too, given Van Rooyen doesn’t seem to be able to mark, and Fritsch is so out of form (despite one decent quarter in this) that you wonder if he wants to play AFL anymore.

The result is scores this season of 74, 66, 62, 46 and 57. That’s only impressive if you’re playing golf.

In footy, that’s a recipe for losing every game you play.

The response to all this from Goodwin is to make almost no changes of note.

Anyone with eyes can see standards have slipped and aren’t being enforced.

A third-quarter rally gave some hope, but it just reminds everyone that the talent is there, the effort just isn’t.

The big difference was that Essendon were keen to be out there.

Sunday

Richmond (47) v Fremantle (108)

Back to the Barossa, with Richmond fans swapping their Beam and Coke to try this ‘wine stuff’.

Already achieving their season goal of beating Carlton, the Tigers are looking for effort, continuing improvement from their youngsters and randomly taking out umpires behind play.

They ticked off all three in this one.

That all said, there’s a big gap between them and the top teams, and a gap between them and Fremantle too.

The Dockers took over later in the second half, with Josh Treacy booting six and Shai Bolton enjoying taking on his old team.

It leaves us all wondering where the Dockers are this season.

They’ve won their last three, but they were against West Coast, the Bulldogs and Richmond.

They play Melbourne next week so it will be a fortnight until we see how they perform against an AFL side.

St Kilda (82) v Greater Western Sydney (110)

Once again, we return to a warm Norwood Oval, as the Giants got a small home-field advantage, playing in front of less than 10,000 people.

St Kilda got a reality check early on, as the Giants shut them down and then punished them on the rebound.

While the Orange Tsunami sound like something that happens when you’ve drunk too much Aperol Spritz, it’s apparently quickly rebounding off the back half.

This works incredibly well, especially when you’ve got Toby Greene running around causing mayhem.

He finished with five goals, and I also learnt Jake Stringer is playing for the Giants; he finished with two goals.

The Giants are a bit good, and the hope we all have of a Suns-Giants Grand Final is well alive.

As for the Saints, this was a good reminder they have a bit to go but it wasn’t all bad.

They kept going and there’s enough there to keep building.

Port Adelaide (121) v Hawthorn (91)

And now time for the main event.

Hawthorn and Port, two teams that don’t like each other, after a 22-year-old and a 58-year-old got into some light banter.

If there’s any reason to have a rivalry, that’s it. Forget Rangers-Celtic.

Coming into this, Hawthorn was a team undefeated and cruising, while Port seemed a team a bit lost and in the middle of a coaching handover.

All that meant nothing as the Power came out and gave the Hawks an absolute thumping in the first half, taking a 59-point lead into the first half.

On top of that, the Power had just outmuscled the Hawks, who have made a point of taking it up to teams, but here barely made a whimper.

If you’re going to repeatedly poke someone, you can’t be too surprised when they hit back. It’s a good lesson in the modern world.

Sam Mitchell looked like his head was going to explode at halftime, while the Port fans hadn’t been this happy since UDLs were invented.

The second half certainly saw the Hawks get back into the game, Jack Gunston showing why he is one of the great mid-sized forwards, with six goals, yet it was certainly too little too late.

Hawthorn showed they can talk the talk, but they can’t walk the walk, and teams will be looking forward to getting under their skin in the future.

And with that Gather Round was done. If you didn’t get there, put it on your bucket list. It’s genuinely as good as everyone says, and a reminder that the best people are footy people.

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