Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Friday
Adelaide (67) v Hawthorn (101)
There’s angry, then there’s ‘Adelaide talkback radio after this game’ angry.
All that anger, disappointment and blame coming out in a rush. I felt like I was at a family dinner.
After finishing on top, the Crows exited the finals faster than someone leaving a burning building. There was no hanging around.
Lizz Truss lasted longer than the Crows' final campaign.
The signs were there early in this one when Jai Newcombe monstered them in the first quarter like when the shark grabbed that kid in Jaws and thrashed around with it for a while.
If anything, the shark and the kid looked like more of a fair fight.
Then up forward, Jack Gunston, old enough that his career started before the Suns and Giants were in the comp, went berserk with five goals.
He was helped by the fact that the Hawks were just belting the Crows at the contest and would follow that up with lightning-fast ball movement.
It’s a wonderful thing to see the Hawks back in a Preliminary Final.
It’s been too long, and the bravery of the Hawthorn faithful in their recent dark times has been a beacon for all those struggling around the world.
I’m told people in Ukraine hold them up as inspiration.
The AFL’s equalisation program is working a treat, with Geelong, Hawthorn, Collingwood and Brisbane left.
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Saturday
Brisbane (100) v Gold Coast (47)
The biggest final between two Queensland teams EVER, didn’t really live up to the hype, with the Suns getting the full ‘this is how finals are different’ treatment from the Lions.
Playing the Dockers gave the Gold Coast a false sense of what finals are like, but the Lions quickly educated them with pure aggression.
In the face of an all-out attack, the Suns were found more wanting than frozen yoghurt for dessert.
Seriously, why have frozen yoghurt when ice cream exists?
Lachie Neale’s absence through injury was covered by all the Lions midfielders stepping up, none more so than Will Ashcroft.
Ashcroft’s flowing mane deserves more coverage. It is a thing of beauty, but the traditional AFL media barely mentions it, which is poor coverage in my opinion.
Too much of a focus on stats, not enough on hairstyles. Forget The Lab, give me The Salon.
Was Ashcroft’s hair the difference between the two teams? I think so. The Suns were obviously mesmerised as it waved and shifted in the Brisbane air.
To achieve what he did with his hair in that humidity? Not many could do that.
And while sweating? Please.
It’s one of the greatest performances in a final ever.
You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus
COMMENTS
The Salon
Sep 15, 2025
The commentary team didn't have enough time to talk about Ashcroft's flowing locks because they were too busy talking about Kai Lohmann's lack of locks.
Peter
Sep 15, 2025
Is Will Ashcroft’s mane superior to that of Bailley Smith? It has one superior trait: it is immobile and requires no external constraints. How come Dyson has not stepped up as a sponsor?
Brian Lewis
Sep 15, 2025
As a fellow Demon supporter who is feeling everything football is secondary. I feel obliged to gain your wisdom about the appointment of a new senior coach. When it was announced I didn't know whether to open the champers or slash my wrists. The specter of Neeld lives with me forever.
Ben Haycroft
Sep 15, 2025
The Salon - pure gold. there will be a weekly update as Kai Lohman's hair grows out.
Rod A Cowling
Sep 15, 2025
"Felt like l was at a family dinner"...
OMG.. l laughed my head off..
Fat Side
Sep 15, 2025
Meanwhile, at AFL headquarters...
"The Suns need to wear a clash jumper. Their colours are BRIGHT RED and YELLOW.
What colour could we choose to contrast with the burgundy/purple of the Lions?"
After much thought "How about pink?"
Greg moss
Sep 15, 2025
No team wearing pink is ever going to win a game, what were they thinking?
Susan capes
Sep 15, 2025
Liz truss lasted longer than the crows finals campaign
you are on top form today Titus.
Beau from Beaumaris
Sep 15, 2025
Having my beloved Demons blowout in straight sets, twice, narrowly, I am glad that Adelaide has eclipsed our record with the biggest straight set capitulation ever.
Ken Olah
Sep 15, 2025
Just when I thought that I couldn’t chuckle louder than at the yoghurt comments came the Ashcroft mane.
Loud applause!
Lala
Sep 15, 2025
Agree with you re yoghurt v ice cream Titus.
PENGUIN
Sep 15, 2025
Aaaah Titus. On top of your game with The Salon and the AFL’s equalisation program.
I would like to nominate the mullets: Bailey Smith, Sam Draper and Hugo Ralphsmith.
But Will Ashcroft with his leonine mane is the current best.
Who has the worst hairstyle in the current AFL Salon?
Eddie
Sep 15, 2025
Liz Truss, Ukraine and frozen yogurt in the same article! Genius and covering big issues.
Equalisation is working, Hawks the only one of the remaining quartet without a premiership in the last three years! Due?
Mac Hawk
Sep 15, 2025
If Ukraine wants to use Hawthorn as inspiration they seriously need to sack their money scamming coach and their recruitment team could do better than dragging old men screaming from their homes. They can stick to West Coast as inspiration as they already have their colors and fondness for biolabs.
TARAX CLUB
Sep 15, 2025
With AFL confected franchises popping up in the Australian Rules marketplace like toad stools. The Suns clash costume must rank as a new low in the school holidays pantomime circuit. 'Puke Puce' would be apt but it would be doubtful if Dulux would add it to the new spring colour range anytime soon. Maybe Gold Coast City Council hygiene department are holding it in reserve for the upcoming schoolies extravaganza. To clean up the public toilets on the strip.
Sheldon Wiebe
Sep 15, 2025
Just a note to the Gold Coast clash unis haters: it's salmon, not pink - and it's preferable to their reds (in which you need a spotlight to generate enough light to make out the team's logo).
Son of plugger
Sep 15, 2025
“The AFL’s equalisation program is working a treat, with Geelong, Hawthorn, Collingwood and Brisbane left.”
Everybody knows the AFL is fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
(Apologies to Mr Cohen)
Andrew of 3040
Sep 15, 2025
If you think current players' manes are worthy of comment, how about retired players' mullets? Mitch Brown's is the mullet of mullets: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-09-11/mitch-brown-message-to-next-queer-afl-player/105759044
The g train
Sep 15, 2025
Agree with everything you wrote. And thought. Especially:
“Was Ashcroft’s hair the difference between the two teams? I think so.”
It’s the (seemingly) little things that count.
Sez
Sep 15, 2025
The commentators didn't have enough spare moments to mention will ashcroft mane as the lions where to busy putting little brother back in their box where they belong
Max
Sep 15, 2025
I'd just like to point out that the Penrith Panthers wear pink and they've run 4 grannies on the trot. Just saying...
Don Francisco's Sister
Sep 15, 2025
You read it here first;
Bailey Smith is a ticking timebomb.
Mikea
Sep 15, 2025
Maybe they should add another column to the player stats: Hairdo Rating
Fairwestuff
Sep 15, 2025
Equalisation is another term used to describe “Advantage Melbourne based AFL Sides” ie 3 / 1 means odds are weighted in favour of the local Melbourne teams