Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Friday
Western Bulldogs (96) v Collingwood (93)
The first Wildcard Round certainly delivered a level of drama rarely seen outside of a Real Housewives franchise.
Whether you liked it is a bit based on who you barrack for.
The big take out is the Wildcard is chaos and, like your crazy uncle, it’s best avoided if you can.
The top six is now what matters, as anything lower is, well, a wildcard.
Friday night at the ‘G was buzzing. A packed MCG is one of the greatest sights you’ll ever see, like visiting the world’s biggest church, but spiritual.
Even better, two of the greatest players in the game were going at it, Nick Daicos and Marcus Bontempelli.
Both provided more highlights than most players have in an entire finals campaign.
The pressure out there was higher than changing a tyre in front of your mates.
The Bulldogs kept looking like they were going to break the game right open, but the Pies, in what I have to confess was impressive, kept finding answers.
The last ten minutes were footballing nirvana.
Desperation, lead changes, supporters losing their minds, players performing repeated acts of desperation, and me getting to watch it all with a beer in my hand.
Sometimes life is pretty good.
Then there was Tim Membrey, marking the ball just before the siren.
81,036 people held their breath as he went back to take his shot.
Nothing is like sport. Everyone knew in that moment that in ten seconds they were either going to be ecstatic or feeling the sort of hurt that haunts you for a very long time.
The ball went up. As it crossed the line, it seemed a lot in the crowd thought it was a goal, but quickly reality asserted itself.
Bulldogs fans rejoiced; a win against the Pies in a quasi-final would make anyone happy.
Pies fans, however, had to quickly process the loss and then see off Steele Sidebottom, as good a servant of a club as anyone could ever want.
Then they got the news that Scott Pendlebury was off to quasi-AFL club, the Suns.
Football is a cruel beast.
The highs are so high, but the lows. The lows are soul destroying.
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Saturday
Melbourne (55) v Carlton (74)
Speaking of soul-destroying, the last 48 hours have left me flatter than a pancake. The flattest pancake in history. So thin you need a microscope to see it.
Even worse, against my better judgement, I have quite a few friends who are Blues fans and their happiness is like acid dripping into my eyes.
Even worse, I must admit the Blues were just better.
The first quarter showed how good the Dees are when they’re playing free-flowing football, so the hooded one made sure they couldn’t play free-flowing football.
The change in the Blues is truly astounding. Under Fraser, players who seemed incapable of handling pressure now apply it.
The Dees, much like against the Bulldogs the week before, had too many players playing below the standard they’ve set themselves all year.
Missing their key forward, Jacob van Rooyen and their key back, Jake Lever, certainly didn’t help, but they still had enough pieces out there to win.
It was a painful end to a terrific season, one that can be built off, but it’s hard for Dees fans to feel that yet. Give me a few weeks.
I just need to learn to suppress my anger that we were playing in a wildcard game at all. Am I bitter? Only on a level that transcends normal human emotion.
As for the Blues, we now get to see how far a wildcard team can go. They’ve been the story of the season.
A Jekyll and Hyde change that has catapulted their fans into a level of happiness they perhaps thought they’d never feel again.
Blues fans know pain, and it’s that pain that makes them now feel a joy you can’t find taking anything legal.
Football is a strange beast.
The lows are low, but the highs. The highs are pure joy.
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COMMENTS
Sheldon Wiebe
Aug 31, 2026
Well said, Titus!
Daniel Fletcher
Aug 31, 2026
Sympathising and empathising with you Titus over the Dees’ loss. I’m already feeling sad over the result of a game that hasn’t even happened yet - my Hawks’ trip to Perth on Thursday. If there’s an upset I’ll be the opposite of upset. Not expecting it though.
Jamie Dalton
Aug 31, 2026
Great column Titus, the beauty of sport, the highs and lows!
The g train
Aug 31, 2026
Agree with everything you wrote, Titus. Everything.
However: “Sometimes life is pretty good.”. A bit pedantic, but it should have read “sometimes life is pretty good, except if you’re a St Kilda supporter”.
But ya gotta feel for Collingwood. They just can’t win the close ones.
Christine M
Aug 31, 2026
‘Blues fans know pain, and it’s that pain that makes them now feel a joy you can’t find taking anything legal.’
I feel this so much. That’s why I don’t care if people knock the wildcard win - I was going to games early in the season and leaving in misery. This feels so much better
Son of plugger
Aug 31, 2026
Brilliant, Titus.
You’ve shown once again that knee jerk reactions get to the Truth untarnished, like a tracer bullet.
A considered analysis only muddles everything.
As a very famous Zen master said (can’t remember his name): “Before thought, you have a gasp, a sharp in-breath, Ah-ah! … There is purity. There is ah-ah!”
But Titus!—no matter how flat the pancake is, it still has two sides. So it was very gracious of you to NOT flip the pancake—the Ds were crucified by the umps. Absolutely murdered.
Zane Insane
Aug 31, 2026
I can’t accept any further Americanisation of the great Aussie game. Wildcard Round is a rubbish, moneymaking idea that only the lawyers who run the AFL could think was a good idea. Round 25 - the knockout round - sounds better.
Rambo
Aug 31, 2026
he pressure out there was higher than changing a tyre in front of your mates.
STUART
Aug 31, 2026
Speaking of Real Housewives, Titus, the women of Australia are addicted to a long
running soap-opera being played out on Podcasts and Instagram, The Real Wives of Lachie Neale.
The G-Station
Aug 31, 2026
I was at a wedding Saturday night Titus, and missed the game, but not some interesting drama
There was an ultra drunk guest who shoved aside the best man making his speech, grabbed the microphone, and in an obscenity laden diatribe, seemed to scream, in-between the slurring, "25 FREE KICKS TO 13!!!"
Security, who wearing Carlton scarfs because it was a cold night, thankfully took him away kicking and screaming
Woody
Aug 31, 2026
The lows are, indeed, deeply and painfully low. I fully expect to feel those lows after the Dogs slaughter the crows this weekend
Crowy
Aug 31, 2026
Impressive that you took that loss to Carlton so well. Acid in the eye, now that is evil!!
Agree that the Suns are only a quasi-AFL side. Not sure even Pendel's can turn that around.
WHAT AY AMAZING GOAL!
Aug 31, 2026
Of course the upside to crashing out of the quasi-finals is knowing you don't have to worry about your team until the 2027 season comes around.
Tony Alvaro
Aug 31, 2026
Well Said Sporty! 👍🤩
JIm Tilbrook's Cheque
Aug 31, 2026
A masterful KJR Titus. You have captured the essence of the sport. Nonetheless, whilst not wishing to kick a man when he is down, I must take issue with your pancake metaphor. As a celebrated master of the mischievous metaphor and subtle simile, I feel this was not your best work. Making a pancake thinner, does not contribute to its flatness, nor make it less visible to the naked eye, unless it is so thin it becomes translucent. Diaphanous thinness is a quality that your many admirers might struggle to associate with you. Personally, as a Dees' supporter, I am flatter than a Shit Carters Hat.
But there's always next year!
Bluesman
Aug 31, 2026
I'm staggered.
We actually got someone from Collingfilth that isn't secretly trying to screw us over.
I'd probably even buy Josh Fraser a beer. or three.
But as good as winning a faux final is, Wildcard is a load of bollocks.
Craig
Aug 31, 2026
Pressure higher than changing a tyre in front of your mates? Have you tried using those automatic coffee machines at a conference, with a long queue behind you?
saint peter
Aug 31, 2026
Titus, great work. It was the best weekend of footy that i have ever seen in a Wildcard weekend. Both games were electric and both were enjoyed. They must be the 1 & 2 best the Wildcard round has ever put up.
As for the Bont you just can't keep a good Bont down. As for TM you can take him of St.Kilda but you can't take the St.Kilda out of him.
Running Dog
Aug 31, 2026
If the Dogs face a dry spell in future at least I'll be able to take a trip down membery lane. Monty in 2006, Arty in 2026.
Hobart Jack
Aug 31, 2026
Agree with Bluesman, wildcard IS a load of bollocks, I can’t wait for the inevitable top 16 to give my Eagles a show and as Joe Ely once sang:”the road goes on forever but the party never ends”.
The G Station
Aug 31, 2026
"As for TM you can take him of St.Kilda but you can't take the St.Kilda out of him".
Well said, Saint Peter, that comes straight from the holy scriptures of St Peter himself - sublime :)
No Worries Mate
Aug 31, 2026
@Saint Peter
“As for TM you can take him of St.Kilda but you can't take the St.Kilda out of him.”
That never occurred to me until I read your comment. It all makes sense now. Everything.
Johnno
Aug 31, 2026
I have an idea for idiot Melbournites. Give every side a chance to get into the finals even if your side comes last. What a joke was last weekend. For goodness sake, get a life.
Flight Crew
Aug 31, 2026
Shocked about Pendlebury going to the Suns. I thought my mate was joking when he told me. But did anyone tell Pendlebury he'll have to get on a plane every second week? Or, like under the current system, will he only play home matches?
Macca RB
Aug 31, 2026
A full house, except for the 20 000 empty seats.
UpTheGuts
Aug 31, 2026
Jeez there's some deliriously happy, confused and hallucinogenic people out there, mainly wearing Blues kit and hoping that Wayne Harmes is available this week to perform is famous boundary line miracle again. The Blues now have the opportunity to torch the dreams of all Cat supporters and may well do. But at some stage the Blues Train has to run out of nuclear infused diesel.........doesn't it?
Hobart Jack
Sep 02, 2026
Ciao Clarko, apparently “player feedback” helped to sink you. I wonder if comments included “no matter hard he tried, he just couldn’t get me to kick straight” or “training interfered with me being home in time to wash up”. A good man gone and totally drained by the external and money-driven Hawthorn issue.