Aug 14, 2023


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Twenty Two


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


Collingwood (109) v Geelong (101)

The World’s hopes that Collingwood might be in trouble were tempered on Friday night, as the Pies broke their two-game losing streak.

Looking in trouble early, the Pies rebounded despite Darcy Moore going off at quarter-time with a hamstring injury.

The Pies had a lot to overcome. Patrick Dangerfield was at his best in the midfield, but he was nothing compared to the display Jeremy Cameron was putting on.

Jeremy Cameron was marking everything, with one of his marks being paid despite him taking it in Clifton Hill.

Sure, Clifton Hill is several suburbs away from the MCG, but that’s mere details. The boundary line can’t contain Jeremy Cameron. 

The umpires were just in awe of his seven goals, and I thought it a bad look when they openly clapped whenever he kicked a goal.

Luckily, the Pies had Brody Mihocek firing up forward with five goals, although disappointingly, all his marks were in the field of play. Open your mind Brody! Realise the truth. There is no boundary line.


North Melbourne (77) v Essendon (86)

Essendon continues to fall upwards.

In an amazing defiance of gravity, the Bombers move up to ninth, despite, losing three of their last five, and defeating West Coast by one point and then struggling to fall over the line here.

They only need to beat Greater Western Sydney and Collingwood to play finals, so don’t just pencil them in; get it tattooed on your forehead; they are a dead cert.

North have extended their losing streak to 19 games, a fair effort, but it’s not their best ever; that’s 33 losses in a row back in the early 1930s. It’s going to be tough to beat that one after all, North don’t beat anything these days, but they’re a chance.

Unfortunately, Ben Cunnington won’t be part of that effort, as he played his last game on the weekend.

There can be no greater compliment to him than the fact opponents will be thrilled he’s retired. He was a hard man, and it speaks volumes that even in his final game he was one of the best out there.

Sydney (114) v Gold Coast (90)

Two months ago, the Swans were entering into the ‘mathematically possible’ phase of their season.

Seven wins in the past eight games now has them in seventh position.

Gold Coast started well, and there was no more nervous man in the SCG than Errol Gulden, when the returning from suspension Touk Miller came and tagged him.

No wonder Gulden’s mind was elsewhere in the first half.

The Swans started to get on top in the second quarter as Chad Warner and co got on top in the midfield.

After that, the Swans took control of the game.

They are the wildcard in the top eight. Who knows what damage they can cause in the finals?

The loss means the Sun can now wave goodbye to their very faint finals hopes.

It makes you wonder, if Damien Hardwick didn’t want to play finals, why didn’t he just stay at Richmond?

Brisbane (99) v Adelaide (93)

Adelaide can blame Charlie Cameron if they end up missing finals, as it appears likely they will do.

With the two teams in lockstep on the scoreboard, Cameron used the third quarter as his canvas to paint a masterpiece, booting three goals, and setting up another three.

If only Adelaide had drafted a player like Cameron!

Unfortunately for the Lions, an injury to Jack Gunston could not come at a worse time.

With the season tighter than that mate who seems to go missing whenever it’s their shout, injuries could decide this whole thing.

The Crows keep doing this, almost beating top teams on the road but just coming up short.

While frustrating, they seem to be on the right track; why, I haven’t read one article about that preseason camp this season, something I never thought would happen.

A lot of the good signs have been the young players coming through, but consider Tex Walker kicked his 64th goal for the season in this game. That beat the 63 goals he kicked back in 2012.

2012 was a long time ago and was also the year the Mayans predicted the world would end. Luckily it didn’t, as Tex is thriving, the world less so. 

Carlton (60) v Melbourne (56)

People laughed when Collingwood ended up paying Brodie Grundy to play somewhere else, but now their cunning plan to sabotage Melbourne’s season has been revealed.

With him, the Dees are hopeless; without him they thrive.

So it was again on the weekend, although a lot of credit has to go to the Blues, who matched the Dees for intensity, and individually held a lot of Dees players to season-worst performances.

It was a strange game to be at, as barely anyone was paying attention in the first half, it seemed the players included, as the Matilda’s battled France in a not stressful at all penalty shootout.

You could hear it around the ground when they won as everyone celebrated.

It was an amazing night for sport, and it made me wonder, are there other important jobs in society we could get women to do?

Once everyone focused on the game, they got an incredibly tight tussle. No side would back down, and no side could so any real damage on the scoreboard.

Christian Petracca’s shot for goal became the controversial moment, ruled a behind, and then there was “insufficient evidence” on the review.

There’s two key points on this moment. The first is that it remains ridiculous the AFL don’t invest in the technology to fix this, when they throw money away on less important things all the time, AFLX, the Gold Coast Suns, salaries for their executives, etc.

How the AFL have blurry inconclusive images when teenagers on YouTube have better equipment is beyond me.  

The AFL says costs tens of millions of dollars to fix. Whoever is giving them those figures saw them coming.

The second point is Melbourne can’t get too annoyed about this. The simple fact is it was inconclusive, and the Blues had a heap of key outs.

If the Dees are going to put a dent in September, they need to play better than this.

Carlton were just better when it mattered; there’s no controversy here.

West Coast (33) v Fremantle (134)

Once upon a time, the West Coast Eagles were a professional football club. I know, it seems fanciful but it’s true.

Now they can’t even get ready in time for a game.

After Brady Hough didn’t train all week due to illness, they still named him, got him suited up, and then pulled him in the last minute.

It was amateur hour stuff from an amateur club.

This late switch caused a delay because despite knowing Hough was unwell, where was his replacement, Jack Williams?

According to alleged senior coach Adam Simpson, he was “up in tier three having a pie.”

Such a slick unit the Eagles.

And why did they persist with Hough when it seemed obvious to everyone he wasn’t well enough?

Apparently, they thought he was ok but “He has Ventolin. He took too many puffs (from his inhaler) on game day,” said Simpson.

That sounds like an excuse someone gives to get out of PE class, not something that happens at this level of professional sport.

It didn’t matter anyway, as a bunch of asthmatic primary school kids would have performed just as well as the Eagles, who at one stage gave up 17 unanswered goals, proving they can match the amateur hour shenanigans on or off the field.


Hawthorn (67) v Western Bulldogs (64)

Hawthorn have become the chaos agent of the run home to the finals, despite them not participating in them.

When you’re down the bottom of the ladder, all your fans want is to have some hope for next year, and if you’re a Hawks fan, you’ve got all the hope you need.

Hawthorn’s new (or not so new) strategy is to take out one of the opponent’s key players. Last week it was Nick Daicos, this week, it was Tom Liberatore, who went off early with concussion.

It looked like an accidental knee, but that’s what they want you to think!

Hawthorn were also helped by the fact James Sicily didn’t have to do all the work, with Jai Newcombe chipping in with a handy 40 disposals, a goal and two assists.

Not bad for someone picked up in the midseason draft.

For the Doggies, this was a harsh loss and left them in eighth position.

They have a bye next week before a crucial clash against Geelong.

St Kilda (93) v Richmond (57)

I don’t want to shock you, but St Kilda almost scored 100 points on the weekend in a rare display of offensive firepower.

They were helped by Max King booting six goals and playing Richmond at Marvel Stadium.

Richmond hate Marvel Stadium about as much as most Victorians do.

They also looked slow, as the long campaign seemed to tell on a lot of their older players.

With Trent Cotchin announcing his retirement and Damien Hardwick gone, the era is finally over, but what an era!

I’d take that one every time.

And while the Tigers fading is not a surprise, the fact the Saints will probably play finals is. I’m used to them pulling off a few fancy moves to miss out on finals, but time is running out.

Port Adelaide (136) v Greater Western Sydney (85)

Just as Power supporters were dusting off their ‘sack Ken Hinkley’ campaign, Port snapped their four-game losing streak with a brutal display against the Giants.

It was just what they needed, as the Giants are a team in contention for finals, and to belt them like this suggests Port still have it.

You knew the Giants were in trouble early as they moved Toby Greene into the midfield early, the ultimate break glass in case of emergency move.

It didn’t really matter, as Zak Butters, Ollie Wines and Connor Rozee ran all over them with a wild abandon not seen since BMX Bandits hit the silver screen.

The Giants major problem is this became a shootout, and you don’t want that against the Power.

If you let them run, they run over you.

Port fans will be hoping another 13 game win streak is on the cards.

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This week’s Sports Bizarre episode is on surfer Bunker Spreckles, available wherever you get your podcasts.



Hawks forever

Aug 14, 2023

"Jeremy Cameron was marking everything, with one of his marks being paid despite him taking it in Clifton Hill." - I'd strongly suggest the AFL look at his passport as he certainly wasn't in the country when he was paid that mark. Some reports suggest he wasn't even on the planet either.

Con Cushion

Aug 14, 2023

Turn it up Titus ... we've always had it confirmed by JB or BT "that JC can kick'em from anywhere"! Con.

Running Dog

Aug 14, 2023

"How the AFL have blurry inconclusive images when teenagers on YouTube have better equipment is beyond me. The AFL says costs tens of millions of dollars to fix. Whoever is giving them those figures saw them coming."

Instead of wasting millions on something AI could fix by next Tuesday, the AFL could have real people dressed in pajamas and trained to distinguish one side of a line from another. Just place them around the boundary line and on the goal line. I agree with Titus that there must be "other important jobs in society we could get women to do" - so that problem is solved. You're welcome.

And think of all the other dirty deeds done dirt cheap where men retain a monopoly- commercial fishing, construction, mining, long-haul driving, combat etc. When are women ever going to get the chance break into them? A woman can now be a Chief Justice, Prime Minister, Governor General, parliamentarian, doctor, CEO etc, or even a man. But they still don't get the chance to die at work. So unfair.


Aug 14, 2023

Nah, Cameron was actually watching the Matildas in Brisbane, when he took that mark....get with the program hahaha11


Aug 14, 2023

Don't be ridiculous, Titus...if the AFL aren't wasting money, they're not doing their job...their brief is to spend money on anything that makes them look good, not on money to make the game better

saint peter

Aug 14, 2023

You don't have worry Titus - the Saints are going to show another way to miss finals. It will come down our last game against Brisbane. Which will be the loss we had to have.
If only we could hit players with our passes, you never know we could actually be something.

Öpen up your mind Brodie! Realise the truth. There is no boundary line.
Classic Titus. But there is when the AFL want there to be a boundary line.


Aug 14, 2023

We were one of the few clubs to have a win after the mid season bye, so hopefully this experience will hold us in good stead after next weeks bye against Geelong the following week.
It’s about time we turn the Geelong ground hoo-doo around like we did on the “mark this day in your record books” game at the SCG in 2015

The g train

Aug 14, 2023

“The first is that it remains ridiculous the AFL don’t invest in the technology to fix this…”. They are, Titus. They are.

They are spending big to develop a quantum computer to specifically adjudicate footy games. It will be able to compute probabilities of trillions of possible outcomes simultaneously and award decisions to that outcome with the greatest probability of being correct. It will also be able to imbibe retrocausality so that, for instance, Wayne Harmes’ infamous tap back in during the 1979 GF would be disallowed and the computer will assign Collingwood as the victor. As this would have been the most probable outcome.

They expect a working prototype by 2107, according to the report on ZeroHedge. It actually doesn’t matter when, as retrocausality can take us back to the Big Bang. The script writers for the AFL are considering to go on strike in protest.

Who Flung Dung

Aug 14, 2023

The AFL are showing flexibility once again, this time with the boundary line. Just like their flexibility with tribunal decisions.
The conspiracy theorists believe there is a master plan here.
TheAFL are looking to shorten the rules of the game.
- no more deliberate out of bounds.
-coaches no longer barred from entering ground during play.
-players no longer banned from betting on games can get access to phones or go get a beer while playing.
-interchange rules gone all players coaches, trainers and fans are now in playing arena during play.


Aug 14, 2023

"And think of all the other dirty deeds done dirt cheap where men retain a monopoly- commercial fishing, construction, mining, long-haul driving, combat etc. When are women ever going to get the chance break into them?"

I suspect most women are happier going to uni and studying medicine, finance, science and technology. It's a tough life having a high paying job without any physical danger, but somehow they keep putting their hands up to do it. Baffling. Hats off to them.


Aug 14, 2023

Well week one without Nick, and things went ok. Josh certainly had a crack with 37 touches. Perhaps the boys could pool their Brownlow votes and take one as a family?


Aug 15, 2023

Here's a question to ponder, why are there no female boundary umpires?


Aug 15, 2023

why are there no female boundary umpires?.....
Cant throw far enough.


Aug 15, 2023

Last time I looked the Bulldogs were paying $1.01 for the bye this weekend, so if a whole bunch of us stumped up about a mil then we'd be sure to bank...hang on...that's bull$hit. Forget it. Dumb idea. A bit like most of the Eagles' ideas this season.

The Dirty Bludger

Aug 15, 2023

Kissodeath - are you saying their throws would fall even shorter than that gag?


Aug 17, 2023

The boundary line has been officially a joke for a while and certainly ever since the stand on the mark rule came in.
Every game of every week has players playing on outside the boundary line. And pretty much every goal kicked from out wide has this happening.
I like the stand on the mark rule, but only half the rule is policed. Under the rules, the player with the ball has to go back on his line, which is a line directly back to the centre of his goals.
If the umpires did this wide, or deep defenders would have to kick over the mark and generally into a dangerous attacking position for the other side. This would generate higher scores which the AFL say they want. Instead we get players going back wherever they like, running of forward off that mark, and literally 10 metres from the man on the mark. And very often this is from out of bounds. I've seen players take 4 and 5 steps out of bounds and not get called. Drives me insane.
I feel better now.
The AFL doesn't need any new rules, just apply the ones already there.
Call me for other good ideas!! Like don't worry about nominating whos rucking. Throw the ball up, or in, ASAP and if a side has 2 ruckman go up to compete, free kick against. Sides will work it out on week one. They do it in the under 10's and the over 35's!!

Stew MacPherson

Aug 20, 2023

Wow, Spain’s 🇪🇸 Goaly in the final seconds of the Women’s World Cup Final. I haven’t seen heroic’s like that since Leo Barry in the 2005 AFL grand final.


Aug 22, 2023

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