Jun 19, 2023


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Fourteen


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


Port Adelaide (110) v Geelong (72)

Port Adelaide are not mucking around the season.

They’ve won eleven games in a row and sent Patrick Dangerfield home with a partially collapsed lung and a cracked rib.

It seemed a bit excessive.

Dangerfield is tough, he kept playing despite his substantial injuries, and perhaps the worst bit, he had to drive home from Adelaide because you can’t fly with a collapsed lung.

I hope he got to play his playlist in the car, or that would have been torture.

Now the Cats face a long period without him, which they need about as much as I needed that seventh slice of pizza. OK, it was eight pieces.

Fine, I ordered a second pizza. And garlic bread.

The Power were in slight trouble early on; they kicked poorly for goal in the first quarter, only to overcompensate in the third quarter with a seven-goal run.

Quinton Narkle would be thrilled to be joining the Power at this point. It’s like joining the cast of Parks and Recreation after the first season.


Brisbane (97) v Sydney (81)

Not a game you’d watch again, as the Lion butchered opportunities up front while the Swans tried hard but lacked ability, #relatable.

Brisbane has been a bit off recently, so much so that some of their players have chosen not to play anymore.

I didn’t think things were that bad, but this was a return to form, despite the close score.

The Lions' decision to kick 6.14 in the second half was the only thing that kept this close.

Once again, the dangerous tackle crackdown continued, with Jarrod Berry reported for a dangerous tackle on Will Hayward, which was later thrown out.

While it was thrown out, it highlighted the absurdity of where we are now with tackles. No one knows what’s going on.

It’s the perfect AFL campaign, well-intentioned but poorly executed. As always, it leaves everyone operating in a grey zone where no one understands how to approach things.

We are in this position because we are caught between potential lawsuits and the fact that at the top level, especially, Australian Rules is a dangerous game, as are all contact sports.

Trying to square the circle is where you run into trouble. Keeping it a contact sport, while also causing no damage to anyone is like trying to stay sober while drinking Fireball.  

The problem is working out what is an acceptable level of risk. Modern society tends to try and eliminate all risks, making tackling a problem in the long run.

It becomes a question, does the AFL need to become exempt from lawsuits to continue? Do people accept the risk because they like contact sports, both playing and watching?

Or does contact get banned altogether?  

The current approach is just tinkering around the edges of this bigger question.


Greater Western Sydney (106) v Fremantle (36)

Tim Tszyu handed out the biggest beating of the weekend, but this was right behind it.

Fremantle seemed genuinely surprised to find themselves in the middle of a footy game.

They didn’t even kick a goal in the first quarter and seemed completely uninterested in centre bounces.

It sees them now in thirteenth spot on the ladder in what is shaping up to be an incredibly disappointing season, even by Dockers standards.

The Giants looked impressive, but it was hard to know how much was their performance and how much was the fact the Dockers were phoning it in.

Jake Riccardi certainly grabbed his opportunity after Jesse Hogan was a late withdrawal, kicking five goals.

Toby Greene was also impressive, reaching the 300-goal milestone, matching his weeks suspended.

Richmond (90) v St Kilda (70)

A great result this week for the Tigers with a key win and no players charged.

They celebrated Trent Cotchin’s 300th game in style, with the marquee man inspiring the Tigers to a victory.

Everyone turned out to celebrate the Premiership captain, with Damien Hardwick in the stands, and about a billion seagulls on the field.

Hardwick had that happy look people have when they no longer have to coach.

How do you measure what Cotchin means to the Richmond Football Club?

Easy. Dustin Martin was willing to do an interview after the game to honour him.

Martin usually treats the media with the disdain I reserve for charity muggers, and there he was chatting away about how great Cotchin is.

The Saints are struggling to get any momentum lately, winning a game, then losing then next, then winning.

The good news is they can break that pattern by losing to Brisbane next week.


Carlton (120) v Gold Coast (61)

Midfielders kicking goals, fans not booing them, winning; Carlton were trying some new things on Sunday.

The Suns got off to a good start in this one, enough to make the Blues fans in attendance wonder why they’d wasted another Sunday, only for their team to do a reverse Carlton in the second quarter. 

They booted nine unanswered goals in the second quarter, leading their fans to ask, ‘where has this been all year?’

What had changed was the Blues players were tackling and running and doing all sorts of exciting basic footy stuff.

They even went up the corridor a few times.

And in a miracle, it worked!

Now they just need to do this all the time.

The Suns were incredibly disappointing. After looking like they were getting somewhere this season, they seemed shell-shocked.

Socrates once said, ‘if you can’t beat Carlton, you can’t play finals’.

The Suns need to learn from history.

North Melbourne (84) v Western Bulldogs (105)

Fox Footy had Dermott sitting in the stands offering special comments during this match, which I imagine had paying spectators in that section asking for a refund.

The amazing thing was Fox Footy seemed to make a big deal of having someone discussing the game, at the game.

That used to be the norm. It’s not a big selling point, to have your commentators at the stadium, it should always be the case.

Still, kudos for sending someone all the way to Marvel.

The Bulldogs had a rough game, with Liam Jones and Tim O’Brien going off during the first half.

Liam Jones had a fractured arm, and I hope he’s done his own research on how to fix it.

Despite these outs, the Doggies got the win, partly thanks to Cody Weightman booting six goals in his 50th game.

He really got them going, and while it’s fun to hate him for his staging, there’s no one that wouldn’t love him if he was on your team.

North continues its improvement and doing it by being competitive but not winning.

Their approach? Tank, but don’t look like you’re trying to tank.

What do you call it? I don’t know…tank casual?

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus



Lazy Monday Mornings

Jun 19, 2023

Nice work with the intro, Titus, leaving the intro from the holiday weekend in as if you hadn't bothered to update it.

Running Dog

Jun 19, 2023

Titus, if you think your 7th or 8th piece of pizza is too many just cut the damn thing into six pieces.


Jun 19, 2023

Their approach? Tank, but don’t look like you’re trying to tank. What do you call it? I don’t know…tank casual? How about Bintanging?

Sammy J

Jun 19, 2023

Regarding the dangerous tackles, with Wicks only get two games it seems Sicily would have been better off just elbowing McCluggage in the head after he'd disposed of the ball rather than try to lay a tackle.

Warren Mezger

Jun 19, 2023

Thought your diatribe on the future of dangerous tackles was spot on.👍

Paul Dalby

Jun 19, 2023

I think putting brereton in the stands is a good move, next step take the microphone from him.

Serong So Right

Jun 19, 2023

"Liam Jones had a fractured arm, and I hope he’s done his own research on how to fix it."
Best line of the year.


Jun 19, 2023

Sending Dermott to the grandstand is a great move. Next week it would be good to send him there again but maybe at Princes Park or Moorabbin.

The bigger problem is what to do with BT!

Go Doggies

Jun 19, 2023

#Relatable. Really Titus? Relatable to you? Do you really try that hard?


Jun 19, 2023

Upon seeing Dermie in the stands I started to wonder if he got the hint.
I'm thinking next week they'll put him in the carpark.

The g train

Jun 19, 2023

“Socrates once said, ‘if you can’t beat Carlton, you can’t play finals’. “. Just to be clear, Titus—it was Plato who said that Socrates said that.

The beating Tszyu gave was mercifully short as the referee waved off the 1-sided contest after 72 seconds—even before applying a count on his overwhelmed opponent. Maybe they should consider the same in the AFL? In the GWS vs Freo stoush, perhaps the umpires could have waved off the contest midway through the 3rd quarter?

StK up by 23 points and lose by 20. A nice little 43 point turnaround. Another day at the office for StK supporters. Once StK jumped out to an early 23 point lead, we knew a StK loss was inevitable. We just knew.


Jun 19, 2023

About Toby Greene's team (otherwise known as GWS):

So far this season their attendance at GIANTS STADIUM has ranged from 7,508 to 9,723. Their average crowd at GIANTS STADIUM so far this season is 8,745. (And when Toby Greene's team played North Melbourne in Hobart the attendance was a mere 5,023.)

Even the Gold Coast Suns' two games up in Darwin averaged 10,044 warm bodies in the stadium. That's 13% more.

One time in Antigua (West Indies) the local authorities allowed inmates of the local prison to attend the first day of a test match in return for helping to remove the water from the pitch after heavy overnight rain and for promising not to try and escape.

Perhaps the Giants should try something like that. Or one meat pie and a free coupon to local tattoo joints with every ticket to a GWS home game, maybe.

Apart from winning more games they really need to do something. I've seen Greek weddings with more people than a normal GWS home game.

Mac Hawk

Jun 19, 2023

For a moment there I thought the penny may have dropped when you appeared to have had your epipheny about the fascist nanny state creep into our lives (your brilliant comment re
"Modern society tends to try and eliminate all risks, making tackling a problem in the long run")
But no, you then revert to your dumbass put down of Liam Jones and his vax choice.
Can you not see the parrallels? Liam is doing fine, as am I and all the others who fortunately chose to "do our own research" based on actual medical and scientific opinion as against the compromised and profit motivated corporate pharma science and the dictate of fornerly pharma employed health technocrats.
As a lefty, I am still gobsmacked how almost the entire left got sucked into this corporate scam and how they continue to embrace the extremely dangerous litigation/nanny state philosophy which is only a gulag or an Auschwitz away from implementing the full blown totalitarian horror show.
Freedom of medical choice, btw, was written into the Nuremburg charter.

saint peter

Jun 19, 2023

You only made one comment about the Saints & I say that was too many.
I can't believe it the Saints are still 5th and it is round 15. Will the Saints do a Carlton and lose their spot in the 8 on the last match of the season .


Jun 19, 2023

"The current approach is just tinkering around the edges of this bigger question."

Actually, the best cut-through analysis on this topic I've seen.

Greg Brown

Jun 19, 2023

Can’t believe you didn’t lead with the headline that the Eagles didn’t get belted by 100 points by the bye #trendingupwards

Sam Miller

Jun 19, 2023

Thanks Titus, worth the read, as always.
I am wondering if, like Channel 7, the umpires are not going to the game?
I say this because they always seem to be umpiring a different game to the one I am watching.
Apart from that, following on the idiotic man on the mark can't move rule, we now have the tackle at your peril rule, the stick your head down and find an opposition player to barge into rule, and the shut your eyes blow the whistle and put your arm up in any direction for holding decisions in marking contests.
What next, 50 metres for looking at the big screen?

Alfonzo McGregorson

Jun 19, 2023

Couldn't agree more - line of the year....

Liam Jones had a fractured arm, and I hope he’s done his own research on how to fix it.

And to put the cherry on top - it sucked in another low bandwidth loony (or is it loonie?) with a rant! Two for the price of one....

Remember when people cared about vaccines more than broken arms?

DP Machine

Jun 19, 2023

Ditto best comment of the year re Liam Jones. Some clowns just don’t get that if everyone made the same choice as Jones and co, that we would either still be in lockdown or half the population would be dead. Those were the options. Hats off to everyone who put society as a whole ahead of themselves. Also wondering what sort of person posts a political diatribe on a satirical website. I guess the answer is in the end quite obvious. People like Jones and co.


Jun 19, 2023

Best Comment ever: "Liam Jones had a fractured arm, and I hope he’s done his own research on how to fix it."

Step 1 - Watch MacGyver
Step 2 - Apply duct tape
Step 3 - Shake it off!

Halftime Spray

Jun 19, 2023

So often the "research" seems to consist of little more than googling for opinions that agree with you.

Strength through Ignorance

Jun 19, 2023

Ah, Auschwitz...that old fun park
Arbeit macht Frei....work makes you free

+ strength through ignorance? Ja, we have that on display big time.
Who can argue more forcefully than someone unencumbered by the facts?...it's sort of a cleaning thing....

Any free kicks against Will Hayward should be thrown out...he plays for Sydney + is thus fair game, as was Gary Rohan, Callum Mills + Ted Richards in days of yore....+ Wickes?...he should have been given the rest of the season

Mac Hawk

Jun 19, 2023

DP Machine...your facts need a good oiling.
The stats read that Liam Jones is an elite key back and that the majority of people dying and suffering from covid are the multiple vaxed.
I predict that myself and Liam are far more likely to have the last laugh here.

Len Rodwell

Jun 20, 2023

I am multiple vaxxed and I am pretty sure I am not dead. Rather than having a last laugh I hope Liam just recovers quickly and the Dogs play finals.

Derek Fletcher

Jun 20, 2023

@MAC HAWK: Like you i am a Hawthorn supporter and a Lefty but i find your views on vaccination , the "fascist nanny state" , your false equivalence of covid lockdown and Auschwitz to be as embarrassing as they are wrong. I do agree that Big Pharma used the epidemic to make outrageous profits , but that's the price we paid to get through it... Now back to the football ...

bloke from the outer

Jun 20, 2023

Taranto is the recruit of the year. Absolute gun.

Sett Button

Jun 21, 2023

Except DP Machine, those clowns in Sweden did make that choice and did a Dan sight better than you clowns in Victoria.


Jun 22, 2023

My mother was a midwife in Scotland in the 1940s. Whooping Cough killed about one child in every family. Then there was a vaccine, everyone lined up to get it. By the 1970s, Whooping Cough was almost eliminated. It got to the point where the chance of an adverse reaction from the vaccine was greater than actually catching it. This was the beginning of 'antivax' and significant numbers of parents stopped getting vaccinations for their children. What happened next is fairly predictable, needless to say your child's chances these days are better off with the vaccine.

Adverse reactions are a risk with vaccines but everyone not getting vaccinated would be a disaster.

The people at BioNTech who created the Pfizer vaccine were researching treatments for cancer when COVID came along. One of them was interviewed about what they were going to do with all the money they were making. His eyes lit up and he talked passionately about their research into cancer being funded. Corporate greed indeed.

Some people are effectively traumatized by being vaccinated or seeing a child reacting to being vaccinated. Trauma reactions involve fear which often leads to avoidance. Avoidance maintains the fear. Making up excuses come next.

Paul Smythe

Jun 26, 2023

DP Machine: "we would either still be in lockdown or half the population would be dead". What an absurd statement - Surely by now you can see with your own eyes that the faux vaccine did not stop transmission? Quite the opposite if my work is anything to go by - the multi jabbed have been off work multi times with coofid lol, whilst everyone I know who didnt take it has had zero issues - sniffle at worst (up to 80 yrs old). Did you not question why 'fragments in sewage' was enough to lockdown an entire state but hundreds of thousands of cases after the 'miracle cure' introduction was no problemo? The Coofid daily deaths mysteriously stopped being reported as triple vaxxed had worse outcomes than unvaxxed - nothing to see here? We just had a fit healthy 50yr old at work go down with heart attack (he had 5 shots of the nqr serum btw). If you saw what the faux vaxx did to some of my young family and friends, you wouldnt touch it with a barge pole (near death in one case, immune system now stuffed). If you heard what my pro coofid vaxx ambulance vic friend was saying about the number of myocarditis cases in hospitals, you wouldnt touch it with a barge pole. If you heard what my GP said about the massive influx of neurological and heart problems since the rollout, you wouldnt touch it with a bargepole. The average age of coofid death is greater than the average life expectancy and those people typically have several co-morbidities! Get off your high horse and do you own research for goodness sake. Look at large official databases like VAERS - the faux vaxx injury/death rate is off the chart compared to real vaccines. You have been conned and people made billions in the process.