Sep 30, 2024

AFL

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Grand Final

41 Comments

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Saturday

Sydney (60) v Brisbane (120)

If the dancer whose silver balloon deflated during Katy Perry’s set was worried about having the most disappointing performance on the ‘G on Saturday, they didn’t have to wait long to see much worse.

Sydney, who at points this season have looked well ahead of the competition, turned in a performance so poor you’d have to go back to their earlier Grand Final appearances to find a similar example.

The day started with fans streaming into a sunlit MCG.

After some rather ordinary weather, Melbourne had turned on the charm.

I asked lots of people who they thought would win and the answer came back almost always ‘Sydney’.  

If it wasn’t that, the response was ‘it’s going to be close.’

It was further proof that none of us understand anything about football.

Not one person said, ‘I think Sydney won’t show up and Brisbane will smash them so hard that you’ll be able to hear the TVs turning off in Sydney halfway through the second quarter.’

The pre-match entertainment then got underway with Christine Anu performing My Island Home and Mike Brady emerging from his cryostat chambers to perform Up There Cazaly.

The big-ticket item was of course Katy Perry, who emerged riding a silver vehicle of some sort that bought back memories of Angry Anderson.

The thing didn’t seem that stable, but Perry was a pro. She really nailed the brief.

Lots of colour and movement, songs people knew and saying nice things about Australia all week.

Even I, a man so out of touch recognised several of the songs, and when Tina Arena emerged, I turned to the person next to me and said, ‘Hey I know who that is.’

That person then text that anti-social behaviour hotline and security moved me to another area.

Tina Arena only performed for about thirty seconds, but to be fair, she did more in that time than most of the Swans were about to.

After Katy was done, Cody Simpson performed the national anthem, and he did a great job. There was no attempt to be ‘interesting’, it was just a straight ahead, stay in tune, don’t forget the words kind of performance.

Then it was time for the game, and it was all downhill from there, unless you were a Lions supporter and you could just enjoy the moment.

The first quarter was somewhat close, but in the second quarter the Lions put their foot down and the Swans didn’t even follow. 

Kai Lohmann’s two quick goals really sent the message that the Lions were on, but it wasn’t immediately obvious just how off the Swans were. It wouldn’t take long for it to become apparent.

Eventual Norm Smith Medallist Will Ashcroft started winning every contested possession, as the much-vaunted Sydney midfield pulled off a trick that would have impressed even David Copperfield, disappearing in front of 100,000 people.

Some may say they had injuries, but Lachie Neale had one leg and still racked up 35 disposals and nine clearances. 

There was barely a Sydney player who could say they had an average ground, let alone a good one.

The Swans lack of contested footy was exposed as failing under the pressure of the big day. Again.

Defensively, the Swans were as bad as you can be. The Lions at points looked on their way to 150 plus.

The lack of effort was so strange. They seemed less interested than I am when someone starts telling me about their dream.

Losing four Grand Finals since 2012 hurts, but losing three of them like this, with this probably the worst, has scarred Swans fans.

Failing after you’ve given it all is bearable, but this will haunt them.

Brisbane though, did everything right. It wasn’t all a case of the Swans just being terrible.

The Lions would have been almost impossible to beat even if the Swans had decided to come to the MCG.

Brisbane peaked when it mattered. After starting the season so badly, everything came together when they needed it to.

Perhaps no one personified this more than Callum Ah Chee, who peaked when it mattered, all September.

The Lions learnt from the heartbreak of last year, got over a lot of tough moments this year and made it count on the biggest day of the year.

As Leigh Matthews and Chris Fagan embraced, I allowed myself my yearly brief moment of getting emotional.

A lot of people seemed amazed that someone aged 63 could achieve this but people that age can do lots of things. Sixty-three is still relatively young.

If American, he wouldn’t even be considering his run for president yet.

Footy is over for another season. It can’t come around again soon enough.

If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.

NATIONAL TOUR

I’m taking my show Sport: The Unauthorised History on tour.

Tickets are now on sale for the following shows.

Sat 16 Nov: The Leadbeater, Melbourne

https://theleadbeaterhotel.oztix.com.au/outlet/event/d7d3259b-2256-48b0-be2e-174d62dd917e

Wed 20 Nov: Rosemount, Perth- SOLD OUT! Second Show about to be announced.

Wed 27 Nov: The Triffid, Brisbane

https://moshtix.com.au/v2/event/titus-o-reily-sport-the-unauthorised-history/171148

Fri 29 Nov: The Comedy Store, Sydney

https://aucentury.sales.ticketsearch.com/sales/salesevent/138570

Sat 30 Nov: Fun Time Pony, Canberra – Only a handful of tickets left.

https://comedyact.com.au/event/titus-oreily-sport-the-unauthorised-history/

Come along, it would be great to see you.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

 

COMMENTS

John Russell

Sep 30, 2024

jolorussell@gmail.com
Excellent as always Titus

LC

Sep 30, 2024

Thanks for another year of AFL sillyness, Titus!

As a Lions fan, I am still riding the wave of this win.

It wasn't a great game (the Geelong vs Lions gave us that last week), especially for neutral fans, but it was a great score and outcome for the Lions faithful.

Such a great example of the Stoic ideal of “the obstacle is the way” from last year’s GF heartbreak of losing to Collingwood by four points to winning by 60 this year!

I also bought that great AFL Photos print of Chris Fagan holding the cup with the team around him. Such joy!

I can't wait for your new book and good luck with your tour!

Doug

Sep 30, 2024

Once again, although there are exceptions like last year, the Preliminary Finals were better games to watch.
One observation I made during the game. While the cameras did not show the coaches as frequently as they have done during the rest of the season, when they did show John Longmire, he looked remarkably composed. Normally very animated in the coaches’ box, he looked positively Zen during the game, almost as though it was living up to all his fears and he was at a loss even to react.
One wonders whether the Swans don’t play as well on the larger MCG surface compared to their smaller home venue at the SCG.
Finally, has anyone taken out copyright on “Swannycobbles” yet?

Rooboy

Sep 30, 2024

Gold, as usual. Thanks Titus for your witty and inciteful humour over the season. Swans would be gutted at such a poor display. Even the usually unstoppable trash panda Papley failed to ignite. I think BrisVegas marketing should take a bow: it's hard for the crowd to all join in some random doof doof tune, but give them Country Road or Hey Baby and you've created a thing where there wasn't a thing ...now, how to make money out of it!!

Vic Parkes

Sep 30, 2024

Here's an idea. In future years, if the Swans make the GF the AFL should hold a raffle of the teams who played Semis and the Teams that lost Prelims to see who will play in the granny. It's hard to imagine Port, Hawks, Cats and Giants doing a worse job that the Swannies. And when the Pies lost the Prelim to the Swans by a point two years ago, they couldn't have done a worse job against the Cats than the Swans did in the 2022 GF. I mean, nobody minds seeing Papley have his (smart)arse handed to him, but it would be good if we had a game.

WA Bogan

Sep 30, 2024

The Sydney Glass Jaw sub-group became the Sydney Chokers! Great to see.

I got a Missing Persons SMS from the police during Q2 looking for 6 people dressed in red and white, last seen around 3:00pm AEST.

Not sure that the 2012 GF Victory should count as Sydney, who finished 3rd behind minor Premiers Hawthorn, got the longer break before the GF due to "scheduling" issues! As such Longmire's record is more like 0/3.

Fairwestuff

Sep 30, 2024

Titus thanks for your comments about AFL this year, as always a humorous take on the season’s games Looking forward to you commenting on the season ahead and other games of interest ie cricket golf tennis even US elections Top Stuff Titus

TAKING ELSTERNWICK BY STORM

Sep 30, 2024

The 2024 AFL GF:
Lots of foreplay and lots of fizzle.

Pieman

Sep 30, 2024

What a way to finish the year. Congrats to the Lions and their supporters. And equally important as that grand flourish for the Banana benders, we were all part of history and witness to the birth of the Swanniwobbles.

the g train

Sep 30, 2024

Titus--should Sydney be banned from playing in Grand Finals?

Agreed with everything you wrote, Titus. Especially "It was further proof that none of us understand anything about football". Which is why we love it. It reminds me of the great and ancient Zen Koan: An aspiring full forward asks Plugger: "I was told it's ideal to not understand how to play full forward". Plugger assured him that he was wrong. The aspiring footballer pleaded: "Plugger, please point out the error of my words". Plugger responded: "It's ideal not to understand how to play full forward".

Seeya next season, Titus. And thanks. Heaps.

In Dog We Trust

Sep 30, 2024

I wonder if Rooboy means 'insightful'? But if he actually means 'inciteful' then, like the Pointer Sisters, I'm So Incited. Incited to share my schadenfreude. After denigrating the Dogs at every opportunity for the fact that the umpires won the 2016 grand final Swans fans get a comeuppance. But do I even need to stoop for such rotten fruit when the true, evidence-based factual 'narrative' has come to light: the Swans buy an industrial supply of nappies at grand final time- and then proceed to use them.

Great work all year, Titus- see you at the Rosemount!

Frank

Sep 30, 2024

Tina Arena? Was she there? Missed that bit! She's about as old as Mike Brady! I was at the game but missed the non-footy entertainment because I was busy getting my $15 worth out of the Footy Record by reading it. Frankly its overpriced at $15, but it beat the hell out of some jumped American musician trying to pretend how Australian she was on the day! Oh, and she was so far in the distance she was barely visible to the naked eye. I went to the footy, my 30th Grand Final, hoping for a repeat of the 1989 Grand Final Day when the three games (Under 19s, Reserves and Firsts) were decided by an aggregate of 9 points between 0900 and 1700. Geelong lost all three, even though God kicked nine in the firsts and they still lost. But they can't repeat that great day of football now because they only have the one game - and the jumped American singer who wouldn't know a goal from an out on the full! Mind you I've seen some umpires this year who would give her a contest on that one! One day the AFL will come to understand the people go to the footy on Grand Final Day to watch footy. If they want to go to a concert they will go to a concert, not the footy. It's time for the footy people to mount a revolution and take over the AFL which is just a bunch of television surrogates. They should bombard the anti-social behaviours assist line and have these overseas intruders thrown out of the G for anti-football behaviour!

Mick

Sep 30, 2024

Sorry Titus but did you miss Cody Simpson? He actually came up with his own new tune and decided to repeat one of the lines. A disrespectful disgrace in my view and I was really hoping you would call him out on it.

Susan Capes

Sep 30, 2024

brilliant as ever Titus.

Gyfox

Sep 30, 2024

Doug...it's Swaniwobbles. And I have the copyright!

Clem Fandango

Sep 30, 2024

Thank god the boring pre-season is over and we can finally get on with the main event, Trade Radio. I look forward to weeks on end of Damien Barrett, the greatest football administrator of all time, imparting his wisdom 24 hrs a day.

Son of Plugger

Sep 30, 2024

Titus--Excellent finish to a great season. Thanks. No pressure, Titus--But never forget that your KJR articles are all we have.

"Brisbane peaked when it mattered. After starting the season so badly, everything came together when they needed it to". Brisbane's success was due to the addition of Stewie Dew to the the staff as skills coach, especially working with the younger players. When he joined mid season, Brisbane were playing badly. They then hardly lost a game once Stewie arrived. Brisbane's success during the second half the season--by opening up the corridor, accurate attacking kicking (especially out of defence and through said corridor), hectic improvement of the younger players....all thanks to Stewie. That Gold Coast sacked him mid-season in 2023 was an absolute rotten to the core disgrace. Let's hope Stewie gets his proper due for Brisbane's success this season,

KJ

Sep 30, 2024

Thank you for another year of wit and satire, which sometimes included references to the actual sport! Great work Titus!

Advahntage

Sep 30, 2024

Switch the pre-game "entertainment" to POST-game and see how many spectators stick around.

Great Day Out

Sep 30, 2024

Thanks Titus for a great season on reading.

I must say, I was as cynical as anyone about the cost of Katy Perry but was won over by the show. (And I'm into alternative music). Still, a good Aussie act with some extra bling would do it for me. But it's all about the hype. I get it.

I knew as soon as I arrived it would be Brisbane's day. Everything was pointing at it (including the recent games at The MCG- great experience). But the ruck and centre dominance did take me by surprise. Great job Brisbane.

I recall Sydney going in as hot favourite in 2014 and Hawthorn blowing them away. Eerily similar this time - but worse. Just very poor.

CD

Sep 30, 2024

Thanks Mate. Love your work and will miss you until next season. 😘
PS reading your blog is the only time my husband excuses me laughing so hard that I snort!

Mosis Syndes

Sep 30, 2024

Hundred percent, O'Reily. Hundred percent ... although what did that Charles Dickens character have to do with it??

C'on the Bears

Sep 30, 2024

Titus, thanks for another great year of KJR. But don't forget that Footy isn't over for the year. The AFLW is still on and can be a nice day out. Sort of like what grass roots country football used to be like. Nice atmosphere and cheaper food trucks.

I tipped Brisbane by 8 points, never realising that was only going to be the first quarter. They played champagne football and every time they moved forward it felt exciting. Although since I was drinking Champagne it could have been that. In contrast, watching Sydney kick sideways up the ground reminded me of when I was a kid riding a bike up a hill and criss-crossing the street. Boring! Anyway, to my delight, after watching an enjoyable (for me) GF on Saturday, I got in the car on Sunday and ABC Radio was replaying their broadcast, so I got to hear the whole thing again. God bless the ABC.

Big Show

Sep 30, 2024

Normally Titus is the best idiotic irrational nonsensical show going around. But this time, for once, he’s been bested. And then some. By the Sydney Swans.

The Drovers Dog

Sep 30, 2024

Great work Titus, you should've ask me who I thought would win the GF. I picked Brisbane before the first bounce of 24..
I think Sydney should be banned from competing in anymore Grand Finals until they can garentee to put in a better effort..
Three out of the last 4 GF's have been dud games. Sydney featured in two of them.

Mr Ed

Sep 30, 2024

Surely it had to be time to put the Horse out to pasture?

Lorraine

Sep 30, 2024

Great work Titus and what a smashing way to end the season with hundreds of old fave Fitzroy Lions scarves flapping in the gusts of wind created by those Lions running marathons past the tired & down trodden Swans. My beloved young Hawks would have put up a better performance.
Cheers to you, until next year.

Fat Side

Sep 30, 2024

Katie Perry should have had a spare balloon in the wings to get out on to the ground to replace the underinflated one and the AFL should have had a spare football team waiting in the wings to replace their underperforming one. I would have loved to have seen the Hawks run out on the ground to start the 3rd quarter and give us some excitement for the second half.
Thanks again Titus. I'm not sure how much enjoyment you get reading our stupid comments, but we get plenty reading yours.

G - Whiz

Sep 30, 2024

What a year - I noted to a friend that ‘anything can happen doesn’t cover it, with madcap entering the frame.’
I held a ‘long-optimist’ hope for the team at Barkly Street to kinda-mimic their 2016 effort, while seeking to be realistic that if they had to hand it to someone else that they not ‘dissemble at the next hurdle’…right Hawthorn!

Thus in neutral space…I feel for Sydney, nodding at Dane’s synopsis that (bad-paraphrasing alert) ‘given their preparation there was nothing that could be said to have been wrong, which is more the worry when you don’t know what the problem is’ while on any measure it could not have been more Brisbane’s day.
I felt such joy watching them put on a ‘football clinic.’

Curious then I will be to be see how SYD regroup while it is v.exciting for BRIS-Lions, a bit like me about to click on Titus’ wrap. Bravo.

Richmondpommy

Sep 30, 2024

Thank you Titus for another splendid year,even though it was heartbreaking for Richmond fans.
Even the Richmond went down quicker than the Titantic remark didn’t get me down. Always look on the bright side

Penguin

Sep 30, 2024

Swans supporter In Morocco at the moment. I missed the game. Lucky I guess.

Thanks for a wonderful year Titus. Your work has given me laughter and joy, even after a grand final humbling. Brisbane are only going to get better next year, whilst who knows what will happen to the Swans.

Keep it up next year. Enjoy your tour.

Bombers 2025

Sep 30, 2024

Titus - I’m just trying to work out whether Essendon not winning a final for 20 years is better than what the Swans have just experienced? At least we don’t have any expectations of performance at the lower rungs. Well done for another season! Scottie

Edward

Sep 30, 2024

Friday afternoon, I chucked out $70 (American) to re-new my subscription to YouTube TV (they carry FS1, which was the only broadcaster to carry the GF "live" here in the States). I set-up the DVR function to record the match (look, I LOVE footy, but NOT with a "get-up-@-0100-local-time-to-watch-the-match-"live" sort of love)...

... only to realise I had neglected to disable "breaking news" alerts on my smartphone, so, when I rolled out of bed Saturday morning, there it was ~ staring me in the face ~ Syndey 60-120 Brisbane...

I can't decide which part of this story makes me angrier: my wasting money on a match that I have now have NO DESIRE to watch; my NOT disabling alerts; or Sydney deciding NOT TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE???!!!

Rooboy

Sep 30, 2024

In Dog We Trust (SO original) - Thanks but I'm pretty happy with "inciteful" actually ...you pompous, sarky clown. Look at all the responses the great man has incited! Along with the vitriol for flog teams like Sydney and the Dogs.

saint peter

Oct 01, 2024

I now have the secret of winning the GF. All you have to do is play Sydney in the GF & you are guaranteed a win. The hard part is getting Sydney into the GF to your team. Oh well, we could rely on the AFL to get them there.

In Dog We Trust

Oct 01, 2024

Er, was actually paying you a backhanded compliment Rooboy, for a good double entendre. Certainly wasn't intended as a put down. I guess that wasn't clear in writing as it would have been in person. Never mind, champ- maybe next time just read the room.

Flernt

Oct 01, 2024

WA Bogan, September 30th, gracious much?

Mich

Oct 01, 2024

A ripper to wrap up the season.

John Chambers

Oct 02, 2024

That silver vehicle of some sort was a life sized Dust Buster.

Lindy

Oct 02, 2024

Happy Lions supporter here - couldn't have predicted it early in the year but geez winning 13 out of 15 in the lead up had them absolutely primed. They peaked when it mattered as you said! Love your work Titus - I'm shattered that I'll be away when you do your Brisbane show :(
Until next year!

Wet Toast

Oct 06, 2024

Geez Sydee, build a bridge and get over it!

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