Every year, some work experience kid in the marketing department has to come up with a marketing slogan for the membership drive.

A line from a song, an obvious statement or the bizarre. Each is a sign of the clubs culture.

Let’s have a look at the 2014 crop and recommend some helpful alternatives.

ADELAIDE

SLOGAN: We’re ready to fly…so get on board

REVIEW: I think this is also Tiger Airlines’ slogan. It’s sort of a demand and it’s on their terms.

Here’s where they got the inspiration:

Where’s the destination? Ninth.

SUGGESTION: We’ve got Eddie Betts but don’t let that stop you

BRISBANE LIONS

SLOGAN: Believe. Belong

REVIEW: Wow. The marketing team just phoned this one in.

‘We should do something with B’s like Brisbane.’

‘What about Believe and belong.’

‘That’s it!’

‘Really? I was joking.’

‘No! That’s it!’ Let’s go do lines in the bathroom.’

‘Great.’

SUGGESTION: It’s Ok, Angus is Gone Now.

CARLTON

SLOGAN: We are the Navy Blues

REVIEW: Like many of these it can’t be argued against. What it lacks in cleverness or originality it backs up with fact.

Whenever a club takes a line from a song you know the brainstorming session was a train wreck that ended in tears.

SUGGESTION: It’s Ok! We didn’t draft Didak.

COLLINGWOOD

SLOGAN: Side by side

REVIEW: Again, a line from the song. The marketing department are smart here though. Every time a fan looks at one of their tattoos they’re reminded to visit Cash Converters and then buy a membership.

SUGGESTION: You buy Membership NOW

ESSENDON

SLOGAN: Yet to be announced.

REVIEW: After the ‘Whatever it Takes’ mess, you can understand why the marketing department may be a little gun shy.

Apparently ‘Stand by Hird’ and ‘Die Andrew Die’, while testing well, were seen as too controversial.

SUGGESTION: Help Pay Our Legal Bills

FREMANTLE

SLOGAN: Own the moment

REVIEW: So, this makes no sense. Apparently this one was thought up at a boozy lunch. By the waiter.

Ross Lyon’s suggestion was ‘Fremantle Football Club Memberships For Sale.’ See, he’s not boring at all.

SUGGESTION: The Other West Australian Team

GEELONG

SLOGAN: #belonggeelong. Be part of the greatest team of all

REVIEW: Nice use of the hash tag. Not bad for a club that just got electricity. Another sslogan from the club song.

This would have once been laughable, now it depresses the hell out of me.

SUGGESTION: New Stand Expensive STOP Send Money Quick STOP

GOLD COAST

SLOGAN: Fire Up

REVIEW: Are people getting paid to come up with these? I suppose this is a vague reference to the sun?

A room full of primary school kids could have come up with this. Then about 100 better ones.

SUGGESTION: See Gary Ablett Play

GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY

SLOGAN: Stand Tall

REVIEW: AHHH! I see what you did there.

SUGGESTION: BUDDY! FREE MEMBERSHIPS

HAWTHORN

SLOGAN: Always Hawthorn

REVIEW: Another that is hard to argue with. Not really inspiring though. The Western Bulldogs have always been the….oh wait. They got rid of their good name.

Anyway this is another effort that smacks of the ‘these need to be printed tomorrow’ brainstorming session.

SUGGESTION: Now with 100 per cent less Buddy

MELBOURNE

SLOGAN: My heart beats true

REVIEW: It would have to. A nod to the multiple heart attacks the Dees have forced on their fans.

Apparently ‘Jesse Hogan Better be Good’ and ‘It’s Safe, Sylvia’s Gone’ were close runner ups.

The marketing team at Melbourne know that their biggest ally is global warming.

SUGGESTION: Roo’s Rebuild. Rebuilding the rebuild of the rebuild that came after the renovation.

NORTH MELBOURNE

SLOGAN: We will rise together

REVIEW: Top marks for something a little different. According to social media, North have pretty much sown up the Premiership for the next few years.

SUGGESTION: Roof Up, Let’s Go

PORT ADELAIDE

SLOGAN: We are Port Adelaide

REVIEW: Perfect for Port fans. They get this.

Also a handy tattoo to go next to the ‘My name is…’ tattoo on your forearm.

SUGGESTION: Thank God for Ken Hinkley

RICHMOND

SLOGAN: Strong & bold - bring the roar home

REVIEW: I feel some actual effort went into this one so kudos to the marketing team.

The one thing Richmond sell well is hope. All the better to be crushed later on.

SUGGESTION: You. Bandwagon. Now.

ST KILDA

SLOGAN: More than a football club

REVIEW: You could not come up with this stuff. This would have been my alternate suggestion.

So much more than a football club, also a legal defence fund.

SUGGESTION: Join the Circus

SYDNEY SWANS

SLOGAN: Proudly Sydney

REVIEW: A bit defensive if you have to state this. Have people accused you of not being?

A bit like saying ‘I am cool!’ means you’re instantly not (I hope people still say cool or is it way fly? It’s not either is it?).

SUGGESTION: When it Comes to Salary Caps, Size Matters

WEST COAST

SLOGAN: Our strength is YOU

REVIEW: Fair enough. Unfortunately the members can’t play.

I’d prefer ‘Out Strength is our Amazing Football Team.’ Still nice to pay homage to the members.

SUGGESTION: The Second Best team in the West!

WESTERN BULLDOGS

SLOGAN:Gather the pack

REVIEW: I see what you did there!

Gather the pack, we’re going hunting for fourteenth place.

SUGGESTION: A Dog of a Season