Thursday

Richmond v Collingwood (MCG) 7.20pm AEDT

How the Tigers continue to get games in prime time is beyond me. It’s one of sport's great mysteries, right up there with the Marsh brothers being continually selected and codes setting up teams on the Gold Coast.

This might prove to be a bit tougher than playing Carlton, as Champion Data ranks Collingwood’s midfield the best in the competition.

I’m not sure what Champion Data thinks Collingwood’s midfield is ‘best’ at. We can safely rule out football. Could it be basketball? Scott Pendlebury has a basketball background, but that’s a well-kept secret.

A lot of people talked about Richmond’s more attacking philosophy after last week, but I think it’s easier to have an attacking philosophy when your opponent doesn’t play defence.

The Pies do play defence; they just don’t have a particularly good one. Last week, though, they showed they might not be the burning dumpster fire we had all being looking forward to.

Still, they do have a forward line built around Jesse White so can’t be that good.

Tigers to win this one.

Friday

Western Bulldogs v Sydney (ES) 7.50pm AEDT

The Grand Final rematch and if the Bulldogs lose this, well… nothing happens.

They’ve still got the cup; they’re still the Premiers and Bevo’s medal is still in the Bulldogs museum, healing anyone who touches it.

Apparently, Sydney’s season ended last week, so they’re probably surprised to be playing this game at all. I thought they’d already be in Bali on their end of year trip.

Instead, they probably spent last week trying to plug the giant hole Xavier Richards seems to have left.

The Swans' problem is they have some key injuries, never ideal but better at the start of the season than at the business end (which is finals, I’m told).

The Bulldogs looked sluggish in round one, and you could give a lot of the credit to the Pies for that, but I prefer not to, just to be petty.

I’m sure Beveridge will be communicating with his charges what need to change.

He’s a master communicator Bevo. After the game he talked about the Fibonacci sequence with journalists, causing every single journo to google ‘Fibonacci sequence’ straight after and still not know what he was on about even after reading Wikipedia.

I can just imagine Beveridge sending the runner out to tell Cloke ‘xn = xn-1 + xn-2’.

I’m tipping the Doggies here.

Saturday

Hawthorn v Adelaide (MCG) 1.45pm AEDT

The Hawks were another team whose season ended in Round One, but between you and I, sometimes people overreact a bit to Round One and say silly things.

Why last year, I jokingly predicted the Bulldogs would win the premiership after round one! Boy was my face red. And white and blue.

The Hawks though are in real trouble. They currently sit in twelfth, and if the season ended today, they would miss out on finals. Luckily for them, the season doesn’t end for another 151 days, so they still have an outside chance of getting back on track.

A lot has been made of the fact they traded away their good players for nothing in return. I don’t have any interesting point to make here; I just thought I’d bring that up again to annoy Hawks fans.

In good news, Luke Hodge should be back, barring any 21^st party hosting responsibilities.

Adelaide though are easily the Premiership favourites. Anything less than a premiership and an undefeated season would mark this year as an unmitigated disaster. At least that’s what I picked up reading some of the Adelaide media.

The big question is how much of last week was the Crows and how much was the Giants playing like the Giants they usually send to Carlton?

I thought a lot of it was the Crows, they were fast and accurate, and if you can outrun the Giants, you are a serious concern. We better give the Crows a football academy, so we have something to blame this all on.

I’m tipping Adelaide here.

Greater Western Sydney v Gold Coast (SS) 4.35pm AEDT

Competition easy beats, Greater Western Sydney, face off against a team that lost to the Lions at home.

The Giants certainly didn’t look like premiership material against the Crows. They looked more like that cheap material the suit I wore to my year ten social was made from. It was so artificial that when I spilt a drink on it, it stayed dry.

Unfortunately, it also made me sweat so much that within minutes, I looked like I’d just got out of the shower.

Much like the Giants last week, my year ten social saw me being overrun by superior competition.

So bad was the loss to the Crows, that Footy Confidential asked the question, ‘Is Leon Cameron the right coach for GWS?’

Now, I love a good overreaction but let’s give him at least until round three before we decide to knife a coach who we all saw taking them to a premiership less than a week ago.

You’d expect the Giants to bounce back this week and all the media pundits will be saying ‘that loss in round one was the wakeup call the Giants needed.’

The Suns last week couldn’t even beat the Lions. There’s not a lot more analysis you need than that, although Champion Data rated the Gold Coast’s loss as the best win of round one.

Giants to win this.

Brisbane v Essendon (G) 7.25pm AEDT

It’s only round two, and the Lions have already had a win. That means Chris Fagan is already Coach of the Year and the greatest Lions coach since Leigh Matthews.

My concern about Brisbane’s road ahead is that you can’t play the Suns every week and you don’t get good draft picks by trying as hard as they did.

Having a healthy Dayne Beams made a big difference, and a coach that isn’t on the verge of being sacked provides some of that stability people are so fond of calling for.

Stability can be overrated, though, just ask Arsenal fans.

Essendon on the other hand looks destined for a Grand Final spot, if the Melbourne media is anything to go by.

It was a great week for Bombers fans, as it looks like that overly long middle act is over and Brendon Goddard’s movie is getting back on track.

The Bombers to win here.

West Coast v St Kilda (DS) 7.40pm AEDT

St Kilda played a terrific quarter last week. Unfortunately, the game had three more left, and the Saints did not.

It’s not yet time to hit the panic button Saints fans, but it might be worth figuring where you left it around the house.

You could see losing to Melbourne at Etihad as a bad omen, as that never happens to the Saints. But you know what else never happens to St Kilda? Winning Premierships. The Saints are a team that wants things that never happen, to happen.

Nick Riewoldt being out isn’t ideal, and a trip to Perth is even less so, but the Saints were too good last year to instantly write them off. All we learnt is it’s never as easy as it seems for these teams that are tipped to rise.

The Eagles were good against North and got the season off to a great start with an away win. If West Coast starts winning on the road, look for the Victorian media to heat up the ‘Eagles took drugs over a decade ago’ story a few more times.

Not since the Chicken Kiev at my local RSL has something been reheated and served up so often.

Last year, the Saints lost in Perth by 93 points, so the Eagles should win this easily.

Sunday

Geelong v North Melbourne (ES) 1.10pm AEST

North Melbourne lost Jarryd Waite to injury last week but it’s not all good news at Arden Street: they lost to the Eagles too.

Waite’s goal kicking won’t be easy to replace. Who can you quickly find who can kick 1.7?

Maybe a drunk backpacker? Do you need even to say 'drunk' when mentioning a backpacker? Surely, it’s implied.

Anyway, North wasn't terrible but in a year when they’re blooding young players, losing a key forward is not what you want, even if it is Jarrad Waite.

Geelong saw off Fremantle last week, the perfect warm up for the season proper.

I’m legally required to add to any piece written about Geelong: Do the Cats rely too much on Selwood and Dangerfield?

Such a silly debate. Cats fans know they don’t. They rely too much on Cory Gregson.

Cats to win this.

Melbourne v Carlton (MCG) 3.20pm AEST

DANGER GAME. DANGER GAME.

The Dees last week did a quick impression of their previous decade’s form before slamming on the accelerator and making them winning at Etihad Stadium seem like an everyday occurrence.

Now beating a team they should easily beat looms, which fills every Demons fan with dread.

Last year, Melbourne just needed to beat Carlton to make the finals, and they didn’t even show up.

More than round one, this will be the game that will show if Melbourne has beaten their mental demons. See how I used ‘demons’ there? Yeah, because they’re the Demons, so it works on two levels? And I still can’t win a Walkley.

Carlton to me is performing exactly as advertised. They’re young, not very good and have a coach who is introducing professional standards that haven’t been sighted at the club for over twenty years.

It’s going to take time and be a painful period. All we can do is sit back and enjoy it.

Melbourne to win.

Port Adelaide v Fremantle (AO) 4.40pm AEST

I just like saying ‘Sam Powell-Pepper,’ so let’s hope he turns out to be as good as he seems. The game is crying out for a good double barrelled surname superstar.

Let’s just all pretend we predicted Port would be good this year. If anyone asks, you say, “I think Titus and I were some of the few people that saw their improvement coming.” I’ll totally cover for you.

Of course, if last week’s effort was a one off, we’ll just revert to our long-held belief that the Power are rubbish.

It’s a real worry if Port are good. It makes sledging their fans a lot less fun.

“Hey, you better figure somewhere to store those tarps you won’t be needing. I’d suggest somewhere dry as mould can be a problem.”

See, terrible.

At least we can still sledge Fremantle. They have proven that they did go off a cliff last year.

Ross Lyon seems to be avoiding serious scrutiny considering the fact his team has gone from looking like winning a premiership to looking like they haven’t played footy before.

Being good in the past has a short shelf life for coaches. Just ask Mick ‘old man yells at cloud’ Malthouse.

Port to win this.

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