Geoff Walsh’s address to the Collingwood Board | Titus O'Reily

You are here

Geoff Walsh’s address to the Collingwood Board

Geoff Walsh addressed the Collingwood Board about his review of the Football Department last night.

Here’s the transcript of his address to the Board:

Early this year, you requested I do a full review of Collingwood’s football department.

While surprised to discover the club had a football department, I set out to interview the key personnel and review on field performances.

Unfortunately, that meant watching a lot of Collingwood games from the last few years.

There are some things that unfortunately can’t be unseen, and my workplace compensation claim will be with you shortly.

One thing I learnt, is that if you watch all Collingwood games from 2012 to now, it’s like watching Breaking Bad, things get progressively worse and you get a feeling things will not end well.

My thorough review has found several areas that could be considered weaknesses in the football department.

I would characterise these weaknesses under an umbrella term ‘football’.

It is entirely possible that calling it a ‘Football’ Department is false advertising and may breach the Trade Practices Act.

Luckily, there is an easy and affordable solution to this problem.

What I am recommending is the ‘George Costanza Strategy’. Don’t get rid of anyone in the Football Department, just do the opposite of everything they recommend.

They tell you to recruit Chris Mayne on a long and expensive contract, don’t recruit Chris Mayne on a long and expensive contract.

If they tell you to drop Ben Reid, don’t drop Ben Reid. It’s that simple.

This group has consistently made the wrong decision on list management, match day tactics and team selection. Every Pies supporter could have told you that without this long review.

Just do the opposite, you’ll be winning Premierships in no time, after all, you want to go in the complete opposite direction of where you’ve been heading.

Now, let’s move on to some confidential slides which we’ll display in full view of Channel Seven’s cameras.

I'm touring my new show 'Insufficient Intent' around the country. Come see me in the bye weekend before the finals. Brisbane date just added: All the details are available here.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. My aim is to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here:


MrMuSiC 23 August 2017

"the ‘George Costanza Strategy’. Don’t get rid of anyone"
Absolute gold!!

Deano 23 August 2017

I wish this article was longer, I reckon there's more comedy gold to be had regarding this whole review. Keep going Titus!!!!

Jon Snow 23 August 2017

But will Buckley keep his job, or not?

Steve 23 August 2017

I had no idea that the Collingwood Board was actually a white board. That would explain why Eddie can do and say whatever he wants without concern of how the Board will react.

Bruce 23 August 2017

I think the Costanza strategy could be expanded to include everyone walking around with an angry look on their face to demonstrate how busy they are. Malthouse had that down pat.

George Costanza 23 August 2017

I endorse Geoff's strategy.

Mark A 23 August 2017

White Board,
hope Harry O is not annoyed.

Postal Coit 23 August 2017

Not as annoyed as he is about you not calling him Harry L.

Jenni 23 August 2017

Brilliant, just brilliant... Now do one for the Lions.. Needs something to smile about up here!!

Antoine 25 August 2017

And if you think he's kidding we can take this outside....'cause he would love it!!!!!

Great stuff Titus

Antoine 25 August 2017

And if you think he's kidding we can take this outside....'cause he would love it!!!!!

Great stuff Titus

Leave a comment

By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.