"Cuffleton-Smiggly-Wright" - gold Titus...

"Same old Pommies, always whingeing..."!

Very well said Titus, your description of the event should be on the news.

'One of the most enjoyable meltdowns in sporting history'... For all I've read on this today, this is by far the most succinct summary!

I wonder if there are any descendants of Herbert Grytpype-Thynne in the members? Who remembers who this was? You would be too young to remember, Titus.

Whereas a fair catch is deemed not out due to the black and white rules. Against the "Spirit of the game". But the spirit is evidently whatever the Poms say it is.

The 2 paragraphs from Professor Broad form a handy summary of the situation.

Go back 2 days England tried the same thing but missed the catch in the outfield was clean but did Aus abuse England over that no as both were in the rules

Poms leading 2 Nil in the Moral Ashes. That's Entertainment.

I thought Gryptype-Thynne's first name was Hercules.

Professor Broad's sledge to Carey that "this is what you will be remembered for" is a bit rich coming from a boke who will be remembered as the Karate Kid's stunt double.

If it feels like cheating, then it must be cheating?

Be careful, Titus. Your head of state is an Englishman and an English resident.

Hope cricket (and other sports) articles can be regularly posted under your AFL stories.

You silly, twisted boy 😆 (H. Gryptite- Thynne)

Professor of Ethics Stuart Broad - ha ha ha ha ha!

The inbreeding-related haemophilia in the Long Room must have been off the charts so the willingness of the members to point and shout violently took real courage. If only the Australian team showed the same courage and played just a bit poorer than England, we too could claim a moral victory.

Quite right Peter Gardiner. Hercules Gryptype- Thynne it was. If there was any batter pudding being hurled in the Long Room, he is likely to have been involved.

Spot on sir. I cannot believe there is not a more accomplished or capable wicketkeeper than Jonny Bairstow in the UK , he was so bemused two days after trying that exact form of dismissal two days prior.

Simon Cuffleton-Smiggly-Wright. Isn't he your third cousin twice removed, Titus?

Anyone wishing to correspond directly with Simon Cuffleton-Smiggly-Wright, can do so at this address:

Simon Cuffleton-Smiggly-Wright, Esq.
The Old House
Pickbottom Lane
Sickly Green
Beaumont-Saint Lazarus
Buckinghamshire
U.K.

Mr Gryptyte's name reminds me. What is the difference between pink and purple?
Grip.

How dare you publish this disrespectful, treasonous insubordinate nonsense. (Humph). I'll have you horsewhipped...When we were fighting the Pathan tribesmen on the North-West frontier, we taught them the British way by playing cricket. Not ONCE did we cheat! We even allowed the locals to field with an extra man .... I umpired of course. Couldn't let those ruffians do it... Now, where was I.... oh, that's right. That arrogant upstart Carey should have warned young Bairstow ahead of time... should have written to him before the tour began.... (humph) What? What do you mean it's time for my medicine... get out of my room, you hussy.... what do you mean, you're my nurse...zzzzz... (snore).
Received from Brig.-Gen Sir G. M. Churchill-Montgomery, (aged 99) resident of Lyttelton-by-Sea Aged Care Centre

Refusing to allow Lyons to use a runner is in the spirit of the game.
I looked for spirit of cricket in the bottle shop but they don't stock it. Must be a english drink.

Johnny could throw the toys from the cot!! Thank you very much. He just couldn’t catch them again.

Pretty sure tripping the opposition after play isn’t in the spirit of the game either

Saw it live on TV it was a sensational melt down.

Fantastic Titus. Summed up beautifully.

Bairstow going for a little walk - more like a waddle

Naïveté vs attention to detail. Oh and let’s not forget Bairstow attempted precisely the same dismissal when Marnus was at the crease on Day 3…ohhhhh the hypocrisy

Thank you Titus and Brig.-Gen Sir G. M. Churchill-Montgomery, (aged 99) resident of Lyttelton-by-Sea Aged Care Centre.
Hilarious!

Karate kid stunt double! That is gold Ian M!!

The three names of the suspended MCC members has been thrown around online, not sure how accurate they are, but if true are even more hilarious and ridiculous than "Simon Cuffleton-Smiggly-Wright"

Whilst we are at it the Greeks what their jewels back!! It’s only been how many years now????

One word - Karma!!!!

Monday giggle. Fantastic. Broad - most charming professor one would ever could hope to meet !!!!!!!!

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLAWMrGR/
Short memory

Well Titus, this is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Go on,..... surely this deserves to be an episode on sports bizarre oh please!!!!

Next day the newspapers recorded an Australian victory.
Move on.

Proud to be a Aussie

We have done things we are not proud of previously, cope our whack and learnt but we never sooked it up like these entitled Englishmen or should I say Englishishchildren

When can we be a Republic

When Dine King Carey

Turn it up Titus ... Prof Broad's credentials as an Ethics lecturer are only recognised in 3rd world South American countries. The letters K.Y.N.T. after his name are being questioned, but not in Australia! Con.

Amidst all the hoo hah there's one thing we like about the Poms... just that I'm struggling to remember what it is right now. Can someone help me? Anyone?

Titus,

It is so unfair to suggest that Jonny attempted to stump Warner - it was clear that his throw was never going to hit the stumps, and could only be considered a warning.

Unless you are suggesting that he is not a very good keeper.

Peter Gardner: you are correct sir. Autocorrect is a bugger.
Are you a Woomera boy?

The Baloney army is very quite !!!

Tony, to be fair to the Poms (which gives me untold pain) runners were banned from test cricket a while ago because people were cheating!

If only the shades of lobster Thermidor from Mr Cuffleton-Smiggly- Wrights plate hadn’t floated onto the pitch Mr Bairstow would still be behind his crease.

Loving the goons references.
Napoleons piano..... have a gorilla !

In the longroom , the bravery of being out of range , Sir Tuggingtion Shite.

Stand up to stumps n nock bails off ok,do it from 10 metres n it not

Is Johnny Bairstow one of the Travelling Willberries I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more. Carey, you genius.

Titus, great article but you neglected to mention Billy Bunter’s classic head wobble on the way back to the pavilion buffet. Classic.

so if lm correct the laws of cricket are substantiated if a fielder grounds a catch (Starc after having held and controlled it) and ruled not out , but a person out of their crease cannot be run out by a keeper as it would be deemed "not in the spirit of the game", isnt the game to win , and aren't there umpires to determine the rules of the game and their legitimacy. But the other team supporters can shout "cheaters", are not the umpires called into question or the rules of the game ?

Pommies would have done the same given the opportunity.
Not a great way to take a wicket but thems the rules

Haha - very funny article. I can't believe the English outrage. Spirit of the game champions? Poor Lyon had to bat on one leg but not allowed a runner - they didn't need to let him have one that isn't in doubt, but they missed a chance to show their allegiance to the spirit of the game...

Poor old Lyon my arse. He/they decided to bat when he was clearly not fit to so he could get a few more runs on the board. How is that Englands fault.
Didn’t hear any mention of the Smith catch which clearly hit the ground and not in control of the ball. Totally in sporting but we should expect from Australia as they been doing it for years.

Steve - the Laws of Cricket require the fielder to be in control of the ball AND in control of their body - as Starc was sliding and felt it necessary to put his hand down to steady himself, thereby GROUNDING THE BALL, he DID NOT COMPLETE A FAIR CATCH. (Sorry for the CAPS, I'd have preferred to just underline or italicise, but can't here.)

England...technically you lost..on and off the field.
If Johnny B had not decided to walk down the pitch like a prat, he wouldn't be out...simple

Very clever Titus- especially those delicious names! - and probably right for the English. But the act was pretty poor. Something Rod Marsh would never have done. And this team’s history of bogan unsportsmanship and graceless behaviour to opponents over the years means the incident, whatever the rights or wrongs, will just add another chapter to the optics of the ugly Aussies. Very good but liked and respected by no one but their rusted on fans.

Russel Lofthouse, have you forgotten about bodyline, oh that’s right it was in the spirit of the game, because they couldn’t get the Aussies out.

Pure waddle from the Poms and a great summation of the situation from Titus. Really impressed with the number of Aussies who came up and congratulated Stokes on his innings when he was out.
That is the spirit of the game not the send off that Khawaja was given in the first test.

For the benefit of Trintheus, the correct first name of Grytpype-Thynne in the Goon Show Scripts (certified copy held by myself) is Hercules, not Herbert. Otherwise, excellent article titus.

Thanks to all comments. It's what makes cricket cricket. Best 2 test matches in years.

Surely the best part is that the club captain has been forced to publicly reprimand members for their poor behaviour. 😂

Notwithstanding all the claptrap from our lords and masters…if the pie throwers aka the English bowlers hadn’t thrown down 76 extras that would have possibly helped them. So it’s actually fortunate the delicate emotional state of the upholders of fairness (ignore what they did to Murali, oh and also the injured Kiwi cricket they got out, and certainly not the ball tampering of Atherton, Trescothick etc) that Carey provided this distraction for our whingeball experts, otherwise they may actually have noticed this pathetic statistic….Tally-Ho!

Greetings from the Eurostar train leaving the land of the (whingeing) pom on the way to Paris. My Mrs and I have been at days 4 and 5 as Melbourne Cricket Club reciprocal rights members. We were sitting in the in the Tavern Stand just to the left of the Lord's pavilion for day 5. After "The Incident", it was an almost continual chant of "same old Aussies, always cheating" from all around the ground for the rest of the day. My wife found it quite confronting and wanted to leave - I convinced her to stay. Two things about it surprised me. There were families with young children in front of us all chanting - giving the kids a good education. And just as much chanting was coming from the pavilion as anywhere else - you wouldn't get away with that at the G in the members. Still, as Bemused says above, same old Pommies, always whingeing! Bring on the Republic!

Titus ..you're legend..Where's the Emoji ,button............

Not that I'm a betting man, well not a successful betting man at least, but I'm prepared to wager that amongst the drop catches, clumsy fumbles and not batting outside his crease, young Jonny Bairstow might be watching from the stands for the rest of the series. I think his tempting of unsportsmanlike behaviour might just seal his fate. He may even have to buy his entry ticket.

If Bairstow and Broad showed the umpires a little respect and actually looked at them when batting or appealing then Bairstow would have known that the ball was still in play and Broad would not have made a fool of himself with all his over the top celebrations for LBWs that were not given.

Cheating Aussie CUNTS!

Maybe the poms should write a new rule to say we can sook and complain if the rules we made don’t make us win. Is booing the opposition in the spirit of the game now.

The only thing better than being 2 nil up in an Ashes series in England, is to have the Poms throw this kind of hysterically unbecoming hissy fit because they've had their pants pulled down and they were wearing their hypocrisy jocks!
Delicious!

I was batting for St Helens v Northwood when given out for the same reason. I accepted the umpire’s decision and walked. Us isles of Wighters
Understand the rules! Had scored 5 runs at the time!

Have to laugh, that even here, Poms have come to have a whinge! Save your pathetic hypocritical whinging for the MCC longroom where your views will be well received and respected, because they won't here!
Love your work Titus!

Broad was a bit rich in talking about bad sportsmanship.
Remember Trent Bridge 2013.
Broad caught in slips.
Bad umpiring call of not out.
Broad refuses to walk.
Broad goes on to make a match winning score.
What a hypocrite!

@Puppethead - I think convention online for forums where Italic and bold aren't available is to surround text you want to emphasise with italics with underscores eg _italic text_ or bold with asterisks e.g. *bold text*

But we forgive the CAPS.

The ridiculousness of the Bairstow dismissal is the claim England thought it was a dead ball. The reality is that Bairstow (theoretically a wicketkeeper himself) had no idea where the ball was - and still left his crease. The fact that the ball happened to be in flight on a trajectory toward the stumps before he even left his crease suggests that it certainly wasn't dead, and the fact he wandered away because he smelt the lobster thermidor someone else mentioned show his total lack of situational awareness.
Of course, the fact that he'd tried the same thing on Loose Bus Change 2 days earlier (and according to Cummins against Warner on day 1) sort of erodes most of their moral high ground too. As for Stokes' "I would have thought about the spirit of the game" - publicly questioning/challenging a decision of the umpires is surely against the Spirit of the Game (the Laws as written are vague on what goes against the spirit - but a clear that umpires are sacrosanct - ironically, Cricket Australia's interpretation of the "Spirit" is a lot clearer - and specifically talks about trying to gain unfair advantages....so perhaps that shows who has a better understanding of the Spirit of the Fame).
In any case, I suppose Stokes' comments have ruled England out of appealing if any Aussies are dismissed in a similar manner for the rest of the series.....

Same old England, always losing

Aussies love to hate the Poms, yet flock to thier country in droves, nice to have one up on the old enemy. At least the poms come up with interesting sporting songs and chants. Australians just look/sound like complete dicks with that Aussie aussie aussie chant... They are even better in Scotland.

Excellent read you reap what you sow couldn’t happen to a better lot.

Just love the story and the comments!
I’m so happy to live in the country of blunders and scoundrels that has a world number one cricket team leading the ashes two nil.
Nothing more amusing than disgruntled Englishmen!
Love your work Titus!

Get over it England.
2 test matches and 2 doctored pitches to blunt Aussie pace.
A day five English pitch doing nothing.
And you want to talk "spirit of the game".

Hey guys ! Try to temper your tone a little
Upset the poms any more and they might kick us out of the Commonwealth.
We would be forced to become a republic and that would never do!

Heard there is a travel warning for all Australians entering England atm

Omg…Tez Law. You nailed it. Stokes explicitly demanded doctored pitches to suit “bazball”. AND Australia had only 3 frontline bowlers for most of the match. And still they whinge. :)

Titus, this is pure gold. We could post pictures of Stuart Broad (aka Daniel san) nicking one to first slip in the 2013 Ashes and holding his ground, or McCullum running out Murali as he went down to congratulate a teammate for scoring a hundred, but this just sums it up beautifully....

The whinging poms caught out by their own tatics used unsuccessfully by them in the same match....boo hoo...true to character whingers

The spirit of cricket.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/906236987105692

It was a deliberate ploy by the Poms to get the heat off them about Bazball:
- Fact, both the English keeper & their coach have deployed this tactic, so it's likely more common than England would have everyone believe.
- Also fact, the English were copping rivers of crap about their style of play, with more to come win or lose. Probably 200 needed from Stokes for them to win this match.
- Solution = Bairstow manufactures this brain fart to bait Australia into the stumping (coz we can & it's legal), which leads to an English capitulation but this time it's not Bazball failing but because the Aussies "cheated".
- England instantly the heroes who embody the spirit of cricket, have never done or put a foot wrong in the history of the universe and the world is united behind them. Read the English media, I'm not far off.

My comments aren't much more fanciful than the debate about the spirit of the game. I mean, it's just the vibe, right?

And yes, I have a tin foil hat in every colour; light silver & darker silver.

Most people are missing the point. The appropriate action would undoubtedly have been to warn JB and if he failed further to comply with the requirement and intent of the rule, then run him out. This is the general approach under these circumstances. Look at the angst, upset, anger etc that has been caused - was it worth it? My mother used to say - if I jump off the bridge, do u follow? How about some real sportsmanship. Right or wrong, a more sportsmanlike approach would hv been far more beneficial to all, to the young as an example instead of the wasted words and effort. Somebody said sometime ago ‘Do unto others etc’. Frank.

Years ago I had a brazen young kid batting brilliantly and smashing my bowling all over the park (and the others). As he nonchalantly dawdled back for third run towards me after smacking the ball past covers, I yelled out to the fielder to quickly get it in. The kid mocked me and as he got to me he poked his bat into the crease at the same time laughing and grinning from ear to ear as the ball hit my hands. He immediately lifted his bat and I took the bails off in virtually the same action - right in front of the umpire. He was given out out after my appeal and screamed at me for what I did (he’d made 88). My reply to him was, “son - this isn’t backyard cricket where you can poke your bat in for a split second and say “safe” !” If he had’ve got into his crease properly then fine, but as far as I’m concerned - stiff -you’re out!

Professor Broad - or is that Professor Karate Kid (sook) https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/bairstow-dismissal-broad-amazed-no-australian-questioned-decision-1385607

Not just losers this time, next level losers “hypocritical losers”

I hope the shops in London have restocked their dummies because there are 11 crickets and 20000 spectators who will need a new one by Thursday just in case there is another "incident"

Did not the English invent this game and the rules that govern the game?We just applied their rules and well,beat them.They carry on like cartoon characters in the old Warner Bros cartoons.Daffy Duck springs to mind

Dear Mr O'Reily, you've really got my dander up now with your blather and boasting. I'm going to have to thrash the serfs in my village to sort myself out and you've only got yourself to blame for that. Yours, Jasper Squidgy-Thickbottom Esq

British sports commentator Isabelle Westbury tweeted that the Aussies did nothing wrong and she is a lawyer advising in international conflict law for the British Air Force. That’s ironic considering this is being treated as a war crime.

Hi Titus,

All of the comments are relevant and well informed.
We may have missed the most overwhelming point with this subject.
Forget the cheating and whinging.
Let’s celebrate Jonny Bairstow playing top level cricket without any semblance of a brain.
This is a miracle and something amazing.
#celebratebairstow

Had to laugh with convict whinging when shouted at by a pissed 90 year old in a stripey blazer. Oh yes and physically confronted,,,,,, snowflakes....
Bairstow 100% out by the way.
Old woke pretty boy Cummins will regret this in later life as McCullum did with Murali.
Broard not walking when he hit it,,,i have never seen a convict do that....
As for the cheat chants, again grow a pair lads....we must stop these micro aggressions..
Good luck fielding in front of the western terrace...

Maybe we Colony dwellers should admit to having been a bit naughty.

..not as naughty as the bombing of Dresden, but a little bit naughty nevertheless.

English conundrum. Broad wouldn't walk but Bairstow couldn’t stop himself.

"The spirit of the game?"
Jonny Bairstow's dismissal was adjudicated by the umpire.
If Carey had then given him a grand send off..."Fu@k off you fu@#ing prick"
That might have got their attention and ire!
The whole thing simply reeks of Sore Losers

Snooze you lose, simples.

LYNDON LITTLEFAIR - What an original and well thought out comment, showing us Aussie c@*#$ what the "spirit of the game" is all about. Would you like a hanky with that?

Congrats Jonnie you should be very happy in planting the seed to show Alex Carey the way to throw down wickets your teaching was excellent to pass this knowledge on thanking you from all Aussies what you thinking perhaps it was wife of Lobster thermdore from member dining hall thanks again Jonnie remember there is only the quick and the dead ball Popeye.

Hilarious hypocrisy. Even as a very casual cricket observer I could see trouble brewing for Bairstow. He had waddled down the pitch at least 3 times in that over to delicately pat down the pitch to highlight the short length balls he was receiving. Why! He tempted fate and Carey delivered it. Too bad England, learn the rules and get back to me.

@Doug
LOL

MICHAEL HOWSON JUL 04, 2023
Hey guys ! Try to temper your tone a little
Upset the poms any more and they might kick us out of the Commonwealth.
We would be forced to become a republic and that would never do!

Prepare yourself for a shock: there are lots of republics in the Commonwealth.

Yep. Keep it up England. I hear the sounds of sad violins, the sight of big tears welling in Johnny's eyes every time he remembers how those cheaters ruined his love of the game.
Hack.

Don't like it one bit. Cummins missed an opportunity to exhibit good sportsmanship by withdrawing the stumping appeal. Up to now been impressed by Cummins. Smacks of the winning at all costs mentality which we've tried to neutralise since sandpaper gate. Sad

I wanted to commend you on your comprehensive blog post about unfair dismissal. It's evident that you have a deep understanding of the legal complexities involved. Your explanations and recommendations were clear and practical. I encourage anyone who believes they have been unfairly dismissed to read your post and seek guidance from an unfair dismissal lawyer to ensure their rights are protected.

Apparently a young Aussie guy and his mate were in a night club in Manchester last night and were sprouting about wingeing poms etc, trouble is a couple of nasty characters got hold of them and smashed them all around the dance floor, lots of blood, and stole their watches and cash then left them for the ambos. I guess sometimes you gotta keep it shut, personally i think its a bit fresh to rub it in WHEN your in the country..

Benno - how the fuck is Cummins the bad guy here. This was the greatest day ever in Australian sport. We got the fatboi out playing by the rules, won the test and we've watched pretty much the whole of England and the Murdoch press melt down.

Grow up it's professional sport, they are there to win and work their arses off to do so and not to take shit from the soap dodging hypocrites.

As an English women (she/her/wokeness) who only drinks non denominational coloured wine, I'm feeling offended, left out and marginalised by this commentary.

Honk if you can remember a time when the atmosphere at an Ashes test didn't remind you of pro wrestling.

What about Body Line you Pommi Dickheads? You wanted to really hurt people. And don't forget it

What a very dopey batter

Puncing around like the rules dont matter

Playing shots where there were none to be played

And all he had was a wooden four inch blade

Playing with an arrogance that was bluntly palpable,

Swaggered around like he was unstoppable.

Preparing to crack the hearts of the Aussie folk

Like eggs into a pan then a knife through the yolk.

Alas wifh flagrant disregard for the law

He Let a beam of light shine through the door.

The dumb arse decided to wander out of his crease

While a more astute cricketer realised it was time to release

The ball rhat cannoned into his stumps.

What a way to leave the Poms in the dumps

“That’s not within the spirit of the game!”

Bulldust, he's out! You’d have done the same.

He didn't say " wicket leave" !!

I was amused to see that Fosseys, a boutique distillery based in Mildura, produce a gin called "The Spirit of Cricket".
https://fosseysgin.com.au/shop/other/spirit-of-cricket/
Given the preamble to the Laws of Cricket define the Spirit of Cricket as respect for players and umpires, and accepting umpires' decisions, it would seem that the MCC's stocks are running low.
Ditto various UK self-righteous media noise outlets.
I had half a mind to send the MCC some myself, but shipping would take too long and would cost too much.

Johnny was wandering throughout the over. If it were me, I probably would have knocked him off before delivery 6 - takes away the Poms ‘change of over excuse’, and is less controversial.