The world must unite to defeat Hawthorn

As we head into round 16, it’s clear the threat of Hawthorn remains as real and terrifying as it has ever been.

While some try to pretend the threat of Hawthorn is diminished, the threat of ‘Fourthorn’ still looms over us like a biblical plague.

Those pushing these ‘weakened Hawthorn’ lies will be judged by history as agents in one of the worst events to befall mankind.

What have our governments done in response to this clear and present danger?

Nothing. They are fiddling while Rome burns.

As I write this, Australia doesn’t even have a government and neither major party has presented a coherent policy framework to defeat Hawthorn anyway.

Overseas is no better. Britain is too busy voting for economic destruction, Europe is a mess, China acts like they don’t know AFL exists and the Americans are considering a reality host whose only idea is to stop the Hawks is a wall. It’s an idea as ill-conceived and ineffectual as West Coast’s ‘web’.

More than a thousand day since this crisis began and all we have are ditherers, apologists and appeasers.

At a time when people are focusing on our differences, on the polarisation of politics and of communities, shouldn’t we instead be focusing on what brings us all together?

Surely our shared goal of the end of the tyrannous reign of the Hawthorn Football club is stronger than any pull of race, religion or political ties.

It should be our North star, the guiding principle of our individual lives and our societies.

It’s time to unite in the face of a fourth Hawks premiership, to join forces brothers and sisters and end the frightening certainty of Hawthorn’s supremacy.

The time for division is over. Future generations are counting on us.

I’m doing a live show on September 2 at Yarraville Laughs. Tickets on sale now at


  1. DavidPerkins1

    Well, Titus, there is a solution to your lament.  Change allegiance and follow Hawthorn.

  2. Czar71

    As a member for 33 years, I can only say that Fourthorn is inevitable. Even if it doesn’t happen this time, as Rachael Hunter once said “It will happen”. It’s time to see the light. Embrace it Titus

  3. MacHawk

    OK Tites, just lie back on your soiled mattress and imagine. Imagine that Hawthorn really did merge with Melbourne back in “96. Imagine that before the intervention Don Scott was forced into exile in the Soviet Union for whistleblowing on the AFL’s plans. Imagine that since ’96 you have actually been a Hawk supporter and by the year 2,001 the old Melbourne colors had been reduced to a small insignia on the brown and gold. It feels good doesn’t it? Problem solved. Surrender dude, surrender. The Empire is here to stay. Forever and ever and ever. There is always Hawthorn….. and their victims….nothing else…and it feels sooooo good !!!

  4. MiloC

    Couldn’t agree more young Titus.  This is a time to unite the clans and defeat the scourge of poo and pee. Take back what was conquered by their ‘orrible third reich that has now lasted more than a thousand (days).  Rout the dangerous little dictator and drive a spear through the hearts of their fervent followers. 

    And i urge a pox on cars/utes/vans with bloody threepeat stickers.  That’s what really takes the cake.

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