Woman’s disinterest in tennis shaken

Recent revelations of match fixing and Maria Sharapova’s positive drug test have shaken sport fan Janice Dixon’s complete disinterest in tennis.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve cared about tennis but lately I’ve found myself actually reading articles about it,” said the 64-year-old accountant from Sydney.

“This whole thing about it being fixed is fascinating and I even watched a handful of games just to see if I can spot the moment a game is thrown. I couldn’t though, although Bernard Tomic seemed to do it lot but I’m told that’s just how he plays.”

Ms Dixon said Maria Sharapova’s announcement that she received a positive drug test at the Australian Open had got her to pay attention to tennis for the second time in months.

“At first I was surprised to learn Maria was a tennis player, I thought she was one of those Kardashian people. You know, famous for being famous.”

“Her excuse was hilarious and now I wonder who’s next to announce a positive test and what nonsense will they spin?

“We at least know it won’t be an Australian. They’re all taking something but definitely nothing performance enhancing.”

Ms Dixon said she even plans to watch more tennis this year, mainly to see what stupid thing Nick Kyrgios does next.

“Tennis is as boring as watching the grass its played on grow but at least I know a few player’s names now.”

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  1. GBO26

    TitusOReily I’d have thought that a 64 year old woman would be one of the few who was actually interested in tennis. #boring

  2. Hugo Von Winterhalter

    I’m fascinated with women’s tennis. Does anyone know who she is dressed by?

  3. Horrie Chunter. Real bloke.

    How about a bit of respect on International Women’s Day Titus. Maybe a story on soft furnishings?

  4. Simon Gray

    I’d take drugs too if I had to play women’s tennis. Boring.

  5. andermc59

    TitusOReily I thought Meldonium was the country that the Princess Bride was set in

  6. Thushira Gammune

    Andrew Macdonald read the ending about Australian players

  7. Geoff Schaefer

    I accept that it’s crass, but the only time I am ever likely to watch women’s tennis is if they insert a ‘clothing optional’ clause in the dress code…

  8. Hugo Von Winterhalter

    She should be stripped. And I’m happy to volunteer to do it.

  9. Scott Meckiff

    I thought she cheated by grunting , but it is obviously a side affect from her medication.

  10. Simon Chewie Adams

    I might be able to watch the women’s tennis with the sound up now.

  11. Wayne Ogston

    She is human and I would not knock her back. Lol

  12. Chiara Laura Lanzon

    Sos Brady thanks but I think Muriel would have spelt it that way…

  13. gingerappleby

    Those Aussies aren’t on anything performance enhancing, but I’m pretty sure it will cure cancer.

    Just on Maria though, I still wouldn’t kick her out of bed for farting.

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