Proclaiming the rise of the Greater Western Sydney Giants as ‘the greatest threat to the stability of the globe,’ United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has called an emergency session of the UN Security Council.
“Greater Western Sydney’s academy zone must be curtailed, this is not the time for appeasement,” said Ban.
“The AFL star factory that is the Riverina, belongs to the entire world, not one club. The plight of Victorian teams as a result of the current zones is a humanitarian crisis on the grandest scale.
“The world cannot stand idly by while some of the the planet’s most downtrodden, poor, tattooed people, Collingwood supporters, are crushed under the boot heel of equalisation.”
On the streets of Western Sydney, news of the United Nations emergency meeting has been met with surprise.
“We have an AFL club?” said local Alyssa Renzi.
“Do you mean the Swans? I think you mean the Swans.”
Permanent Representative of Japan to the United Nations Motohide Yoshikawa said the AFL’s ‘social engineering’ was out of hand and need to be significantly curbed.
“Japan calls for the immediate scrapping of the Giants and Suns and a longer term plan for winding up the Crows, Eagles, Lions, Power, Swans and Dockers. We do however support a team in Tasmania.”
The UN has ruled out sending peacekeepers into Western Sydney due to it being ‘simply too dangerous’.