Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You’ve come to the right place.
Hawthorn (107) v West Coast (61)
Well this was good for about five minutes.
When Ellie Goulding ‘sang’ a song from the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack, it was perhaps foreshadowing the rather boring and predictable domination we were about to all witness.
Like the movie, most of us probably wanted to leave within ten minutes.
It was a real shame too, I’ve always loved Grand Final day more than any other day; yes, even ahead of Arbour Day.
Perhaps it’s because no one judges you for drinking before noon or the fact the pre-game show starts the day before.
Instead, this day just ended up as another reminder that it’s Hawthorn’s world and we all just live in it.
The game was one constant reminder of how good the Hawks are, punctuated by constant ad breaks.
A mate of mine once had a Grand Final drinking game where he had a drink every time an ad came on. He’s dead now.
The problem with Hawthorn is that they are simply brilliant. You just can’t deny it. They force you to admit it even if it kills you to do so and it does.
Hawthorn are tough, smart and their skills are just insane. It’s like someone playing FIFA on the amateur setting; tons of highlights but not a challenge.
It’s hard to measure Alastair Clarkson’s genius as a coach. He’s so far ahead of the rest it’s actually embarrassing. He’s playing Clash of Clans while everyone else is playing Snake on an old Nokia 3310.
It makes me think that perhaps the only way the AFL can equalise the competition is to have James Hird coach Hawthorn.
Things looked dire from early on when the casual observer would have noticed the Eagles’ much vaunted ‘web’ meant Cyril Rioli didn’t have anyone on him. There were people at home watching the game who got closer to Rioli than an opponent on the day.
After a couple of goals and setting up a few others, you’d think the Eagles might have moved someone onto Cyril but alas that insight seemed beyond the West Coast brains trust.
After a while it became apparent that no Hawthorn player had an opponent. In the second quarter, Luke Hodge slotted an amazing goal from the boundary line like he was mucking around at training. He couldn’t have been more laid back about it.
At that point you just knew the game was over.
Cyril ended up the Norm Smith medalist, meaning we have finally achieved what’s known as the ‘Bruce McAvaney double,’ with Nat Fyfe winning the Brownlow last week.
Has there ever been a better time to be Bruce? Maybe the 2000 Sydney Olympics.
I have to feel for Sam Mitchell missing out again. He is underrated if that’s possible. He just gets the ball and distributes, it all starts with him.
It makes a mockery of Wayne Carey’s comments that he wouldn’t get a game at any other club. He does everything that wins you the game but lacks the flashy highlights that get you the recognition.
Really, this was all about the empire crushing a foe that dared to challenge it. West Coast’s win in the qualifying final was a challenge to the Hawks that couldn’t be tolerated.
Hawthorn were determined to not only win but send a message to anyone else thinking of knocking them off.
It didn’t help that West Coast were about as active as I was while on the couch watching this. They occasionally got up to do something but it was rare, uncoordinated and awkward to watch.
They were so terrible as a group that it’s hard to really determine who was bad and who just got caught up in the brown and yellow tsunami (wow that’s an awful phrase).
It’s one of the things I actually love about our game. It’s such as team sport that if you play well collectively, everyone looks amazing but if you don’t, pretty much everyone looks like they never played footy before.
Basically, AFL is one big group assignment and the Eagles spent the whole time expecting someone else in the group would do the work. Hawthorn by contrast were those annoying people who eagerly set up group study meetings in the library and all chip in.
In the end, we were left with what was the worst result for humanity. Hawthorn fans are already talking about fourth in a row and you just know they’ll pick up someone great in free agency.
It’s enough to make you just want to crawl up into a little ball and sob until the NAB Challenge, which is actually what I’m going to do once I’ve finished writing this.
Despite the fact it appears a pointless exercise, I guess we still need to play the season next year, if only to set up what really matters, trade week.