The case for and against an AFL night final

The Super Bowl halftime entertainment has once again done its job of making the AFL’s entertainment look even more awful than it is.

As soon as the final note left Beyonce’s lips, the pressure was on for the AFL to move to a night Grand Final immediately.

So let’s consider the pros and cons of a night Grand Final.

Pros:

  • The darkness will allow fireworks to distract from the true awfulness of the entertainment itself
  • Everyone can get in several more hours of drinking before the entertainment, making it irrelevant. We’ll be so drunk a pub cover band will seem great
  • The people that went to the North Melbourne breakfast will be passed out by the game, freeing up hundreds of tickets
  • Like the Super Bowl, the AFL can have a game where the lights fail and it delays the match and ruins it for the team with the momentum
  • The afternoon nap you have on Grand Final Day due to eating and drinking too much will no longer occur in the crucial third quarter
  • The cover of darkness will make flares more viable, opening up the sport to Western Sydney Wanderers fans

Cons:

  • It will make Channel Seven happy
  • The late start time could be a challenge for the elderly performers the AFL usually hire
  • Channel Seven’s pre-game show will be several hours longer
  • It breaks tradition and tradition is always worth keeping even way past it’s use by date; like slavery or The Footy Show
  • Cooking the BBQ at night is always more difficult, especially because you’ll have been drinking for almost twelve hours by halftime
  • Copying the Americans has rarely been a positive thing to do for Australia. Except for fighting in the Middle East and Vietnam, that’s been a real winner
  • The cover of darkness will make flares more viable, opening up the sport to Western Sydney Wanderers fans
  • A night Grand Final is simply the AFL’s equivalent of turning off the bedroom light to hide how unattractive things really are. We’ll all still be ashamed in the morning

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Comments

  1. AussieJazzman

    TitusOReily you missed the killer argument against: GOVERNMENT MANDATED MID STRENGTH BEER AT THE GAME. #UnAustralian

  2. Dominic Anthony Papasergio

    “The afternoon nap you have on Grand Final Day due to eating and drinking too much will no longer occur in the crucial third quarter” the $ydney Swans had an afternoon nap

  3. Johnno31

    You missed one huge positive – at least in the AFL’s eyes. It will make our Australian game even more American. DumbItriou would be orgasmic. We would of course have to have dancing girls / cheerleaders showing their wares after every score, together with awful canned fanfares. Maybe add fireworks like the add to the 20/20 cricket to wake up the drunks. All together razzmatazz to replace what used to be a great footy spectacle with lots of kicking and high marking. How AFL.

  4. Stephen Edward Cusack

    Dominic. Thanks for the reminder mate. Lol.

  5. Scott Randall

    The Superbowl needs entertainment cause its a boring game, we watch our Grand Final for the game, I was at the 2011 Grand Final and I’m a Cats suppporter, I don’t remember how bad Meatloaf was, thats not what i was there for

  6. Steve Galloway

    The Super Bowl needs entertainment because it is America

  7. jazmech

    TitusOReily well said, and i say footy show is 10 years irrelevant…..

  8. Steve Galloway

    “It breaks tradition and tradition is always worth keeping even way past it’s use by date; like slavery or The Footy Show”
    OMG… I’m dead

  9. Jarrod Hill

    Brad Thompson Kruchan Chandler Brett Acton pure Titus gold.

  10. Edna Merkle

    Leave tradition alone! This sort of mucking around with the natural order of things is exactly why we have fading curtains and cows that won’t milk properly.

  11. Stanley Yates

    2007 the Peptide Premiership…Dank+Bomber =better performance

  12. Snert Underpant

    A night final means at least one team’s supporters won’t be able to fly home that night. Because the GF sure as hell will involve at least one.

  13. Hugo Von Winterhalter

    Won’t a night final make it harder to see Cyril?

  14. pgoog59

    Will Jeremy Howe and his frisbee dog act go better at night or mid afternoon?

  15. Johnno31

    Well he is highly unlikely to be otherwise occupied on the big day.

  16. pgoog59

    Johnno31  You never know, his new team-mates may have introduced him to the joy of selfies.

  17. Matthew Adlard

    I can’t understand why you would compare the Footy Show to slavery. One is a group of rich elitists abusing the lower classes for their own profit and amusement, whilst slavery is… Oh… okay, now I get the comparison…

  18. Drew Duval

    Oh think of the children Edna, think of the children!!

  19. digitalwoch

    TitusOReily WSW fans, classic! #iseewhatyoudidthere

  20. Michelle Dunn-Vaughan

    This is genius. I can’t stop laughing.

  21. Scott Randall

    Shaun Deverson I was thinking he might be a Pies supporter, but you might be onto it

  22. Liz McIntosh

    Depends on wether the Hawks want to play at night or not

  23. Chrissy Harvey

    No , cos people wont get out or there till midnight U0001f620 and what about the kids too long a day

  24. katieoh9

    TitusOReily Isn’t there something in the constitution that says GF winners are required to be slightly drunk in Fed Square after the game?

  25. katieoh9

    TitusOReily After a night GF that’d be just like any other weekend. Where’s the fun in that?

  26. 2_InThePink

    TitusOReily Surely everyone knows that it’s not open for public debate. The AFL_House and 7AFL will decide when they want the game on

  27. 17Doddy_7

    TitusOReily i wouldn’ want a night final mainly because i’d be to pissed by thento watch.

  28. TommyGreenaway

    TitusOReily All valid points but let’s be honest, we don’t want a night GF for one reason- Made up night GF stats. #1stnightpremier

  29. Liam Whitchell

    Matt Hoogeboom Toby Beach Piolo Rimando the west Sydney bits U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602

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