Talking to your child about the Australian Cricket Team | Titus O'Reily

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Talking to your child about the Australian Cricket Team

In these difficult times, children are often confronted with images and concepts which are difficult for them to comprehend. As a parent, it’s important you guide them through what can be a confronting time.

To help you talk to them about the Australian Cricket Team’s current crisis, here’s a helpful example conversation.

Parent: I wanted to talk to you about the Australian Cricket team, you may have heard about it from your friends.

Child: Oh yeah, didn’t one of them rub a tiny piece of yellow paper against the side of a cricket ball?

Parent: Not exactly, what they did is destroy the soul of Australian Cricket.

Child: It must have been an amazing piece of paper.

Parent: What they did is conspire to cheat. Their actions betrayed everything Australia stands for. It was an organised assault on our values.

Child: I think using the word ‘organised’ in connection to what these guys did would be flattering them.

Parent: I just can’t believe they did this.

Child: Haven’t members of the Australian Cricket team always behaved like spoilt brats with a win at all costs attitude? Often nurtured in a culture that forgives their worst excesses and even enables it?

Parent: You’re obviously too young to understand.

Child: Are you OK? Why are you crying?

Parent: I haven’t been sleeping.

Child: Look, I get this isn’t ideal, but we’ve currently got people in horrible offshore detention camps, the environment is stuffed, there’s a Royal Commission into the banks, no multinational pays tax so the burden all unfairly falls on the working class and small business, the most powerful nation on Earth is governed by a madman and there’s a vacuum of leadership in this country so big it could suck all of us into space.

Parent: Go to your room.

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Peter Bowen 27 March 2018

Gold. Will find this very helpful in explaining myself to my wife

Sam Vogel 27 March 2018

Absolute gold.

Bodes 27 March 2018

Pointed and great piece

Mick O’Reilly 27 March 2018

I understand what both of them are saying.

Bruce Munday 27 March 2018

The Oz cricket team should be sent to NZ for 12 months sabbatical - shrink their heads a bit.

Halo Jones 27 March 2018

I'm calling it Ballgate. Has anyone called it that yet? Do I get royalties if other people call it that?

Ray Liversidge 27 March 2018

Nice one, but I'd go with Tampergate as it echoes Watergate. And yeah, do I get royalties?

Boris 27 March 2018


Timmy La 27 March 2018

:Leadership Group-gate. Do I win a pencil?

Sean Carter 27 March 2018

On point as usual Titus

Jamo 27 March 2018

Stickytape-gate?? Come on, Aussies!

Wendy 27 March 2018

Wisdom for all ages. Thanks Titus!

Rabbits 27 March 2018


John Nicholls 27 March 2018

Now I understand everything

blinker 27 March 2018

as a cricket tragic, i can relate to this story.
i still cringe when talking to kiwis about cricket. now, not only are we cheats, but we are inept at cheating.
why is a scandal always a "-gate".
why not "stockade" or "bottom of the harbour" - classic Australian situations.

Jeffery Mills 27 March 2018

Because in the typical mentality of the inadequately educated and ill informed we have elevated a nuisance event in history involving nothing more than one political party spying on the other (actually Nixon was not worried about what the Dems had but rather what they had on the Republicans!)

So what really was government sanctioned political espionage is portrayed as a great betrayal.

He was not impeached for Watergate. Please get the facts straight.

Hence due to Watergate we have (moron-gate). What it shows is a lack of comprehension about why Nixon was investigated.

Watergate was the name of the name of the Hotel/Office complex.

A worthy story of political scandal. Slush funds etc. But at essence it was lying about spying and using the Govt agencies (CIA AND FBI) to cover ones backside

HKS 28 March 2018

Who gives a fuck

mdso 27 March 2018

Its seems like if something can't be won fairly and squarely then find a way to win within the rules or cheat. Win at all costs nothing else matters is the play of the day.

Once upon a time back in the good old days in La La land, society were taught to follow the rules and cheating was deemed to be very dishonourable. People were sent to Coventry, that's also a place in the U.K. but it also means they were all but banished until they had learned to behave. Where should we send our blokes Tasmania hasn't been accepting criminals for yonks? Over to Trump-land??? That'd fix'em!

Kolah 27 March 2018

You might want to look at the child’s last comment again.

pooley 27 March 2018

Sand-for-rand gate

Graham from Perth 27 March 2018

Is it too early to call it Takings-down-gate?

Jez 27 March 2018

What if the gate was tampered with?

Jen 27 March 2018

Perfect timing. The serious has been done to death and we need to take a breath.

Gateshead Revisited 27 March 2018

Who let the gate out?

Steph 27 March 2018

Thank god someone is finally thinking about the children.

Keith the ex-WACA member 27 March 2018

I reckon this lot could tour as the New Three Stooges
A total self pantsing

HKS 28 March 2018


Mac Hawk 28 March 2018

Nailed it . Child's final rant. The Australian cricket team is a perfect replica of the values and culture of our supposed leaders since the advent of John Howard - when the "Fair Go" country began slowly eroding into the "Cheap and Mean" country.

Woofa 28 March 2018

The horse has bolted, shut the gate-gate.

Biggus 28 March 2018

Brilliant satire Titus. Your correspondents trivialised it with all that `~gate talk.
However, I think we maybe ought to be thinking about Steve Smith's future. He's been a good Captain and a good bloke for so long he too must be wondering as we all are, at the enormity of this change of character. He might need to go into a witness protection program and shift to somewhere they've never heard of cricket. He'll need a shipload of counselling first.

Pam wedge 28 March 2018

Think it should b called dicktape. Cause that’s where it was hidden.

Bruce 28 March 2018

Does it matter if the tape was yellow?

Kingofonomatapoeia 29 March 2018


Kim jong un 30 March 2018

Mee tink you ozzies all be weirdos, wtf u on bout dis gate shite. Kupple nukes downunda and kollective IQ of wuold wud be inkreesed heeps.
Dis sosall meedia krapp neva be in PRNK, makes peeple go fooked in head. Only Facebook in my kuntree be mee book vith mee face on cover called "There is Life after Donald Da Fook " no other Facebook allowed.

Dis krikkit stuff is serious ya cant get cort cheating dats inkompetent and to show on TV a not sensored version, plaier rubbin balls vith sandpaper it just dumb, why you tell people truth ven much easy to lie like policktician. You have funny vays vun day plaier rubbs balls vith sandpaper get 9 months in syber space for cheets, next day leader steels 380K Dolla and all ok. Weirdo kuntree when leader only wants steel 380k so punishment is keppt below ball rubber, he got know balls to rub maybe? In PRNK we send dis leader to jale for lack of ambicion.
I say to publik wtf deese guys do minor wong give dem breke the veal bad asses are da vuns vith no ambicions pretendin be leaders.

Jungle 30 April 2018

300 grit should be ok, even 120, I’d just like to be allowed to drive at a reasonable speed above the limit!

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