A pink ball has no place in men’s sport

This Friday, a pink ball will be used in the test between New Zealand and Australia, an act which threatens to single-handedly destroy the masculinity of the Australian cricket team.

Friday’s test isn’t some charity event either, it’s been done because this test will be partially played at night and the batsman are demanding to be able to see the ball.

The danger is immense. Everyone knows that pink is a girls’ colour and contact with it can instantly lower testosterone or worse, transfer girls’ germs, for which there is no known cure.

How did it get to this? Australian cricket is one of the last bastions of hyper-masculinity, a safe place for those of us who liked the 1950s just fine.

It’s the one place where men grow moustaches year round, commentators crack sexist jokes on national TV without sanction and where women are kept out of sight and out of mind, until we need someone to blame for a loss.

Into this sanctuary comes this pink globe, spinning its oestrogen everywhere and on everything.

It’s the biggest threat to the game since Channel Nine briefly pretended it would let a woman into the commentary box.

What’s next? Members of the Australian cricket team developing socially progressive views? Channel Nine commentators reflecting fifty years of social progress?

We all might as well watch Channel Ten’s Big Bash League coverage and just admit society is doomed.

Perhaps we should not be surprised the the collapse of society would begin in Adelaide but it doesn’t make this any less alarming.

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  1. MixWixPix

    TitusOReily And we’ve already had a Royal Commission into Pink Bats!

  2. Upuspupus

    TitusOReily on the contrary!!! clinkercup connectgolf

  3. Brad Dight

    Danitellie Nick Glenn Oakley Robert Cranmer it might help you rob.

  4. Tom_Burns

    TitusOReily just like facts have no place in organised religion

  5. caudullo19

    TitusOReily Jane mcgrath day scg show us ya pink bits

  6. clownassasin

    TitusOReily that would mean that snooker is snookered #pinkball

  7. Mark Prokopiwskyi

    Feminists will get around this I’m sure. (y)

  8. Matt McLean

    I’m sure they really appreciate the work of the great Titus O’Reily

  9. MattPLeahy

    TitusOReily finally, someone says it. Well done Titus

  10. Rory Oldman

    Ah, Titus, bringing a common sense approach to the game ! What next ? Coloured uniforms…….oh, wait !

  11. Malcolm Makkinga

    Put a pink ball on the ground and no one cares. Do it with a beach ball and everyone loses their minds.

  12. Penny Beitzel

    The rot set in when Michael Clarke refused to match David Boon’s 52 cans of beer record on a flight to London to play in the Ashes, and ordered a Fluffy Duck instead ……..

  13. JohnBiddle

    Someone else has mentioned the pink ball hasn’t done much harm to that most masculine of sports, snooker.  Most masculine since you can drink and smoke to your heart’s content while playing and happily heft your 130kgs plus around with barely an effect on your game.

  14. Judy Hocking

    If there was a good bowler they’d be black. Not pink.

  15. Anton Beardybeardbeard Heyneke

    This test could be a prequel to The Walking Dead.

  16. Billious

    Have always enjoyed a bit of pink but has no place on the outside of leather even shaped as a ball.

  17. Billious

    Can see it now the baggy pink worn by macho men in pink micra outfits with matching pink lippy running after a pink ball.  Such a sweet sight to behold.

  18. Anton Vizzari

    Not that you’ll be in any state to see the thing anyway

  19. miamiaman

    TitusOReily agree am opposed 2 this homosexualist pink ball agenda its bowl a maiden over not bowl an Aiden over

  20. deniedskies

    TitusOReily am not opposed to d/n test but I’m fairly sure they could have chosen a better colour.

  21. Waverley73

    TitusOReily male snooker players are currently fuming as well as slightly confused at your headline

  22. luke_ablett

    TitusOReily although based on the comments, maybe some people have missed the joke

  23. TitusOReily

    luke_ablett That’s often my favourite thing about these things.

  24. al_field

    TitusOReily don’t tell snooker players that #outrage #theywillhaveapot

  25. Stej Bosnjak

    At least we can blame the pink ball when we lose

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