New Zealand severs diplomatic relations in response to St Kilda v Carlton

The New Zealand government has announced it will sever all diplomatic relations with Australia in response to this weekend’s St Kilda v Carlton AFL match.

“Why is Australia doing this to us?” asked New Zealand Prime Minister John Key.

“What have we ever done to them? Except for giving them Russell Crowe and at least he wins things.”

New Zealand High Commissioner to Australia, His Excellency Mr Chris Seed said ‘friends don’t send friends St Kilda and Carlton’.

“I know only expats will probably go to the game but it’s the principle that counts.”

“Kids could see it and then what? The New Zealand tax payer foots the bill for years of counselling.

“I mean they could have at least sent us North Melbourne if they didn’t want to send any stars over.”

Australian Foreign Affairs Minister Julie Bishop said while she was disappointed that New Zealand would sever relations, she did understand it.

“To send St Kilda there year-after-year is one thing but to then add Carlton? It’s just cruel.”

St Kilda CEO Matt Finnis said he was disappointed with the New Zealand government’s response.

“Don’t they know our strategic plan calls for us to have 10,000 members over there?”

“It’s an exciting opportunity for New Zealanders to see stars like Sam Fisher, Cameron Shenton and Tim Membrey in the flesh.”

Carlton refused to comment directly on the decision but said it hoped it meant Mark Stevens would be denied entry.

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  1. Nigel

    Ha ha ha……. How angry will Malthouse be if the Blues Lose. Can’t wait.

  2. Daniel Cohen

    It will be a spectacle. Like an NBA All Star game with the lack of defensive pressure. It might also lack offensive pressure though.

  3. Dylan Mathews

    Sam Mathews Second last paragraph is pure gold!

  4. Leon

    To be fair they also sent us Derryn Hinch, Richard Wilkins (nee Wilde) and Keith Urban. Doesn’t justify St Kilda AND Carlton, but they are not without blame.

  5. The Original Buzz

    I would have thought the underarm bowling incident would have been sufficient to sever ties and damage relationships permanently but to send St Kilda and Carlton transcends that. Oh, the Horror!

  6. John Dawson

    It is a great chance for New Zealanders to see some great players. I know lots of kids are excited to see the likes of:
    Nuck Riewoldt
    Chrus Judd
    Tum Membrey
    Sam Fusher
    Bryce Gubbs
    Krustuan Jacksh
    Patruck Crupps
    Jack Bullungs…
    Shame Mutch Robunson went to Brusbane really…

  7. Mr Wisdom's Whopper

    If they start complaining send Chris Yarran out amongst them for a “chat.” He’ll have time on his hands.

  8. Old44

    Give them Tasmania as compensation, teach them to keep their mouths shut.

    1. Tassie52

      Kangaroo Island would be a better choice. Leave Tassie alone, we have a rich heritage of AFL Legends eg Peter Hudson, Darrel Baldock, Ian Stewart ect.

      1. Mick_EFC

        A Tasmanian leaving an internet comment! What kind of dark magic allows you to post without electricity and reading comprehension?

  9. Mathew Rodda

    The AFL must be feeling a bit sheepish about sending two poor quality teams to promote the game in NZ. I don’t think they’ll be able to pull the wool over the eyes of the local footy fans.

  10. Anthony Reid

    It’s crazy given that Australia actually owns New Zealand
    It’s ours and they pay their taxes to us so
    Go Saints

  11. Stej Bosnjak

    A game that will be so terrible, the AFL is playing it out of the country

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