An investigation has discovered the only person in Australia who is genuinely surprised by the latest AFL drug scandal.
The discovery comes after a morning of people on TV and radio pretending to be surprised by photos showing Gold Coast Suns player Harley Bennell taking what appears to be an illegal substance.
Darren Gladstone works in accounts for a building supply company based in Bendigo and genuinely can’t believe AFL players are taking illegal drugs.
“This news has rocked me. It’s amazing to me that an AFL player, a role model for all of us would do such a thing.”
“I can’t recall an incident like this ever happening before. It’s come completely out of the blue.
“I’m upset. This is hardly the sort of thing I’d expect from someone representing the Gold Coast.”
Mr Gladstone’s co-workers however have described him as ‘an idiot’ who ‘doesn’t live in the real world’.
“Seriously who is actually surprised by this? Darren would be surprised, he still lives with his mum and he’s fifty-three,” said Jessica Walton the company’s head of sales.
“Darren takes the media outrage at face value, like that’s an industry untouched by illegal substances, please.”
Mr Gladstone however said AFL players in the 80s and 90s would have never taken drugs and this was a completely new problem.
“I can’t imagine superstars like Wayne Carey or Gary Ablett Sr tolerating this sort of stuff at their clubs.”