James Hird to coach from ‘bunker level’ this week

Following what he describes as a ‘highly successful’ stint coaching from the boundary, James Hird says he’ll coach this week from a bunker.

Describing the decision as a ‘strategic move to consolidate Essendon’s position on the ladder’ and ‘definitely not a retreat’, Hird said he needed to centralise lines of communications and avoid all the negative vibes.

“There’s no better position to appreciate the whole game than from a bunker twenty meters underground in an undisclosed location.”

“Fans can rest assured that I’ll be in constant contact with Mark Neeld at all times. As you know, he’s won five AFL games as a senior AFL coach himself and has won numerous premierships with Ocean Grove Football Club.

“Between the two of us everything should be fine.”

The bunker will be fitted out with state-of-the-art communications equipment, vitamins, food and water for six months and three sunbeds.

“It’s very secure, in fact I’m not exactly sure how to get out of it. I accidentally locked myself in while meeting with our ruckman yesterday.”

“Guess Jake Carlisle will have to go up against Naitanui. That’ll teach him for not pledging unthinking loyalty, I mean re-signing with me, sorry us.”

Hird urged all Bombers supporters to stay loyal and to never surrender.

“Now if you see Tanya, can you tell her I’m stuck down here? She always knows how to get me out of these difficult situations.”

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  1. 73simmo

    TitusOReily I’ll pass him a half drank mid strength cup

  2. Oz Matterhorn

    I remember Neil Craig doing this in his death throws.

  3. Bonjour_Pippy

    TitusOReily Wants to be seen working hard few coaches sacked lately

  4. Adrian N Debbie Southgate

    Next week he will coach from the aisles, week after that it will be the carpark, week after that the train then he will realise he been sacked, ha ha

  5. gowland_ben

    TitusOReily BaronBaron15 James Hird to coach from his desk at his ASADA office this week

  6. Mr Wisdoms Whopper

    Oh gawd, Bombers haven’t picked a ruckman so we’re bound to hear how supposedly fantastic “Nearly”NicNat is again. Just like his one great game this year against Geelong. You know the one where both their ruck men in Stanley and Clark went off injured.

  7. Nick White

    Maybe Essendon will pay him out and put an end to this misery.

  8. Tommy10cents

    TitusOReily I am not sure it is good or accurate journalism to use “James Hird” & “coach” in the same sentence.

  9. darrenbourne71

    TitusOReily james tird to coach from rehab clinic

  10. Joanne Everett

    Jame, James, hold the ladder steady. I a coming down into your arms. As sung by WADA and CAS.

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