Inside Damien Hardwick’s contract discussions

Brendon Gale: Damian, you got a second?

Damien Hardwick: Sure, but I’m not up to date on House Husbands so don’t say anything. I’ve been streaming them. You stream them over the internet.

Gale: Damien, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

Hardwick: What is it?

Gale: The board look like extending your contract.

Hardwick: What’s the good news?

Gale: What? No that is the good news. The bad news is there’s a heavy performance component. Basically your package revolves around you winning a final.

Hardwick: That’s outrageous!

Gale: The board just feel that after five seasons it would be really good to win a final.

Hardwick: Why are they rushing me?

Gale: To be fair, you’ve had a decent chunk of time. Uber launched about the same time you were appointed. You’re basically pre-Uber and you still haven’t won us a single final. Whole industries have been disrupted during your tenure.

Hardwick: Well it’s easier to disrupt a global industry than win a final with Richmond.

Gale: That’s true but Damien, we’ve had about a thousand Prime Ministers in that time. Melbourne have had fifty logos!

Hardwick: But where’s the respect for what I’ve accomplished? Do you know how many memes I’ve prevented just by not finishing ninth?

Gale: I know and everyone in the social media team is really grateful. They’ve got a little shrine to you and everything. I just don’t see preventing memes as being a key performance indicator of a great coach.

Hardwick: Now who’s not keeping up with the way technology changes an industry.

Gale: Look Damien, be grateful. You lost a final to a team that didn’t make the finals. I had previously thought that was impossible.

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Comments

  1. Joe Gilmore

    Probably should wait out until next years results

  2. miamiaman

    TitusOReily 1st offical warning . Don’t diss Dimmer!

  3. Travis John

    Lost in final to a team that hadn’t made finals made me lol

  4. Chris Dorn

    “You lost a final against a team that didn’t make the finals.” ROFL

  5. Simon Robinson

    Scott Barrot Jayden Gilmour Pedro Tyrrell.well worth a read.

  6. Julia Gauci

    Rather him get a new contract then good old Buckley..

  7. Andrew Hopkins

    True, but I tagged you for the actual link. The “convo” is hilarious U0001f602

  8. Jeremy Keysers

    Trick Spencer Jason Howlett What’s the good news?

  9. Julia Gauci

    The last part is the funniest.. About Richmond losing to a team who weren’t in the finals LOL

  10. Andrew Hopkins

    Was so good. I know who would love that statement!

  11. Cosmo Price

    Standards of journalism on facebook are terrible – Melbourne have had 47 logos during Dimmers reign at Richmond . Exaggerating numbers is just bad journalism frankly.

  12. Cameron Affleck

    Ha ha hmm sad thing is the conversation probably did go along like that.

  13. Brent Watkins

    Content quality has slipped a bit with this one

  14. Ryan Poppins

    And with footy comes Brett Delphins favourite past time

  15. Mia Nagel

    Es Nagel, I love Dimma but this is funny! U0001f602U0001f602

  16. Tony Smith

    Heidi Visser. Can you please show this to that husband of yours!!

  17. Samuel Peirce

    You really should have given me a trigger warning that the Carlton game was going to be raised

  18. Samuel Peirce

    Agree, anything as long as it’s not “Jarrad”, “Waite” or a combination thereof

  19. Peter Catton

    Strict KPI adherence,
    – 4 mullets on the list
    – 9 sarcastic spats at reporters.
    – 2,346 square centimetres of ink
    All in the contract tabled, Damien has allegedly responded “4 mullets is unobtainable and Dustin’s neck can’t fit anymore ink”.

  20. Matthew Di Battista

    Was reading this before and was considering tagging you. Didn’t rate it that highly, material didn’t make the cut.
    I’m concerned about your standards.
    #findsmostthingsfunnytypeoperator

  21. Drew Duval

    “Look Damien, be grateful. You lost a final to a team that didn’t make the finals. I had previously thought that was impossible” Top work Titus, this was Malthouse’s finest hour, don’t count anything he did at Collingwood…. beacuse Collingwood!

  22. GjW33

    TitusOReily really sharp, keep it up! It helps us all through pre season until footy can distract us from a crushingly depressive reality.

  23. PowerBug96

    TitusOReily It’ll never get old, losing to Carlton. What a great game that was to be at.

  24. Chris McMenamin

    Holiday must be fun if u reading this garbage haha

  25. Lisa Larkin

    Haha funny Teresa King Jackie Boyce Janine Dinnell

  26. Scott Gelston

    Alex Fair – the last response is pure reporting gold!

  27. Alex Fair

    Well it’s easier to disrupt a global industry than win a final with Richmond Scott

  28. Alex Fair

    The board just feel that after five seasons it would be really good to win a final. Scott

  29. Alex Fair

    But where’s the respect for what I’ve accomplished? Do you know how many memes I’ve prevented just by not finishing ninth? Scott

  30. Alex Fair

    Look Damien, be grateful. You lost a final to a team that didn’t make the finals. I had previously thought that was impossible. Scott

  31. Gerard Marquis

    Surely as a subscriber you have seen this Glen Ross. Lucky Richmond supporters have a sense of humour. Stacey Heberle, Marilyn Heberle, Mel Gallagher, Ross Wintle

  32. Mel Gallagher

    It’s not even football season and we are copping it !!

  33. Glen Ross

    I work for a living mate. I’ll read it when I get home

  34. Gerard Marquis

    Glen Ross You be on your normal 13 weeks off each year next week, please on the work for a living…

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