How the Gold Coast agreed to play in China

Earlier in the week, AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan rang Gold Coast Suns CEO Andrew Travis to convince him to give up a home game and play Port in China.

Gillon McLachlan: G’day Andrew, it’s Gil. I just wanted to talk to you about an exciting opportunity.

Andrew Travis: Oh. You’re not shutting us down are you? I thought we had at least two more years. Should I sit down?

McLachlan: No! It’s exciting news. We want you to play a home game against Port Adelaide in China.

Travis: Hang on, I’m just going to pour myself a drink and lie down.

McLachlan: But this is a great opportunity. You’ll look like a visionary in years to come when all of China follows the AFL.

Travis: Like St Kilda achieved in New Zealand?

McLachlan: Hey, New Zealand’s a tough market to crack. Very different culturally to Australia, not like China.

Travis:  Gil, we can’t give up a home game to play over there. The smog alone will probably kill off a few of our players.

McLachlan: How about I take away all the money that funds your club?

Travis: Can’t you make GWS do it?

McLachlan: We already make them play in Canberra. It’s just too cruel.

Travis: But why aren’t Port Adelaide giving up a home game? It’s David Koch’s fever dream, let him fund his own vision.

McLachlan: Travis, you should see Kochie’s financial projections, their immense. He had charts and a PowerPoint and one graph used Panda’s as data points. Pandas! The commission almost rubber stamped the whole thing right then.

Do you know how many people there are in China? A billion. Kochie thinks Port could win over at least ten or fifteen of them. We add in you and it could go as high as 18 people.

Travis: We haven’t even won over the Gold Coast or Western Sydney yet. This is like invading Russia in the winter.

McLachlan: To be fair, China is a lot less hostile to us than Western Sydney and who told you about Russia? Was it Eddie?

Travis: Look, we’ll do it because you own us but this is an expensive, foolish dream. Now speaking of expensive, how much for our home game?

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  1. Corey Wickert

    This will backfire on port. Everyone knows the Chinese love the Gold Coast and the excitement of trying not to drown at surfers paradise beach. Plus they’ll lose the game

  2. boxie004

    TitusOReily gill used the jedi mind trick on the GC. “You will play in china✋” “i will play in china”

  3. Tony Sinclair

    Robert Douglas this is probably more accurate than what will be officially published.

  4. Jim Woodcock

    Gold Coast already wear the Chinese colours, they’re clearly a communist sleeper cell.

  5. David Wood

    Chairman Tony Cochrane was sprouting the benefits of the china game for the suns this morning… of course… it was an absolute raging success when he took V8 Supercars there… hence that lasted…2 years ?

  6. Paddy TaeTae Kealy

    The best part will be Port trying to get recognition in China only for the Gold Coast to scoop all the sponsorship and new members

  7. Graham Sampson

    Port vs Suns traditional rivals, good to see these immense and historical rivalry gets its chance to shine

  8. Gavin McDonnell

    Port supporters to arrive on mass at Tianmen Square for the march to the ground. What could go wrong.

  9. ReadBTheLines

    TitusOReily I’m a GC resident. I think the Suns playing one less game would be greeted ambivalently, much like everything about them.

  10. AlexWard64

    TitusOReily they will entice them with half time dimmies and chicken feet !!

  11. Steve Hughes

    Gotta luv, laugh or forbid the marketing – port pandas vs the golden child

  12. Max Mccarthy

    Jordan Barber also check out the monday knee jerk

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