Every single person at Carlton sacked

In an unprecedented but widely applauded move, every single person at Carlton has been sacked.

The Board, coach, players and even the weird guy in accounts have all been terminated effective immediately.

“No one person is responsible for the mess we are in, so sacking one person made no sense,” said just sacked CEO Steven Trigg.

“I mean, they hired me and look how well that’s already gone. You couldn’t keep me on and you couldn’t keep the people around who appointed me.”

Former Captain Marc Murphy said it was fair enough that all the players were let go.

“There are people on our own playing list who still think Chris Judd is our captain,” he said.

“You can blame recruiting or the coach but when the players don’t try to get the ball or avoid tackling like it’s Ebola, they have to take some responsibility.

“Getting rid of all the players is no big deal anyway, it’s not like Carlton can go lower on the ladder.”

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan said while the move was drastic it wouldn’t make the club any worse.

“It’s probably well overdue. I knew Carlton were in real trouble when Melbourne request a priority pick on their behalf.”

However, fans have said the move does not go far enough. Long time fan Dorothy Medea said she would have liked to have sacked some people twice.

“They sacked that nice Brett Ratten so sacking is not good enough for some of these people.”

“I guess this is just what happens when you hire people from Collingwood.”

Carlton will field a composite team this Friday made up of Essendon top-up players, some workmen who were doing renovations at Princes Park and some Auskick participants.

The Blues will be coached in the interim by the marketing manager of Presto, whose favourite movie is The Shawshank Redemption.

As a result of these changes Carlton are now favourites for this Friday night against the Swans.

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  1. TitusOReily

    joshrowe yes. Just crashed even though I’d just moved to a stand alone server.

  2. AlexCheers1

    TitusOReily make BrendanFevola25 president. He’d get the crowds back.

  3. BigFootyTigers

    joshrowe Turns out TitusOReily works for Carlton too and has been sacked

  4. gowland_ben

    TitusOReily BaronBaron15 Mick got a special comments job on Channel 7, now we can hear him talk about how bad Carlton are every Friday.

  5. BaronBlacky

    TitusOReily Robfromtaroona What happens to the water boy? Who will slice the oranges for quarter time? How about Jacqui Lambie?

  6. Bob Hobson

    Wonder if Jason Gillespie wants to put his hand up to coach another basket case?

  7. mjmcgeary94

    TitusOReily thought they were gonna hold a meeting for a meeting again

  8. Kristie Wilkins

    ohhhhhhh can’t tell you how amusing it is, hunney!!!

  9. Dipboyfrankie

    TitusOReily has mark stevens just become redundant?

  10. cookdf

    TitusOReily I’ve reached out and offered Mick a position on the coaching panel of my Fantasy team.

  11. Roseanna Khabbaz

    I can but shouldn’t I be standing by my man??? U0001f61dU0001f61d

  12. Luke Stash Parker

    Jacob Mcchrystal Nathan John Blake Gramsbergen

  13. Christopher Weinberg

    Tom DreamTeam Burrows Jonathon Males Nick Twomey Mick Ford

  14. MicksDemons

    TitusOReily Breaking: Mick gets huge bonus from Pies and will resume head coaching role. Eddie is a genius! His plan worked perfectly!

  15. Dave Lloyd

    The AFL has advised they will conduct an investigation into Carltons sackings today. Gill McLaughlin has said “The AFL, the AFLPA and the AFL Coaches Association have requested a review of Carltons coach and player sackings today. Under rule 6.16 (a) total coach and player sackings cannot exceed 25 in one day. If breached, this constitutes a “sacking cap” breach. This can result in draft sanctions and fines.”

  16. Kristie Wilkins

    Yes you should be…..!!!!! Standing by him, and pointing and laughing on behalf of your BFF!!!!!! 🙂

  17. Liam Caplice

    Oh, you can only but dream. Jodan Graham Sam Kalimnios Liahm O’Brien Jack McCulloch

  18. Wayne Lineker

    David Smorgan just commented on Carltons tragic history

  19. James Re

    Hahahaha hilarious read carlton will be made up of ‘Auskick participants’ and lead by presto who’s favourite movie is ‘shawshank redemption’

  20. Stu Joyce

    Finally a step in the right direction Dipak Patel Geoffrey Pryor

  21. James Re

    hahahah soo glad that sour old prick has been sacked

  22. Roseanna Khabbaz


  23. Dylan Withanaarachchi

    Andrew ‘Goofs’ Williams Ben Wood Brayden Wight

  24. Sam Branigan

    This development has dramatically shortened their odds.

  25. Nick Sammut

    Tom Roberts how long do you reckon Titus had this one in the kit bag for?

  26. Alexander Crowden

    His best article yet Phil Crowden Alex Males

  27. Elizabeth Bragianis

    Alexander A. Bourjaili haha jesus i was looking for Jain Austin, EITHER WAY HAHAHAHAHAH!

  28. Marshall Bromwich

    Dean McNamara – I still don’t understand why Mick left Collingwood when club and coach appeared at the peak of their powers. Bizarre…

  29. Dean McNamara

    Agreed – but I’ve never seen two bulls work a paddock together. #egos

  30. pgoog59

    I believe John Barker can’t see where the Blues will lose a game for the rest of the season.

  31. Robert Cartledge

    Maybe there’s a chance of a happy ending now, Darren

  32. 15Gizmo

    TitusOReily Now that would be a step in the right direction.

  33. pepino55

    TitusOReily Blaine Broekhorst doesn’t deserve the sack!

  34. pepino55

    TitusOReily Blaine Boekhorst doesn’t deserve the sack!

  35. runbilloz

    TitusOReily the tea lady is suing for breach of contract

  36. Nt11Smd

    TitusOReily Sensational read. Always look fwd to your stuff

  37. Mark Newman

    Unimpressed, bunch of ineffectiveness blaming others for their interventionist policies.

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  39. peteguley

    TitusOReily “….Melbourne requesting a priority pick on Carlton’s behalf.” Hilarious!

  40. seanco1980

    TitusOReily you must be exhausted after yesterday’s tweets- coaches being sacked must be your grand final day!

  41. Mick Daly

    Kevin Isaac Matt Healey Mathew John Barnes Andrew Hine Jason Radford

  42. Jess Stojanoski

    “We couldn’t get any lower” love it U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602

  43. Nathan Gioffre

    “people still think Judd is captain” hahaha

  44. Jess Stojanoski

    And we tackle like the other person has Ebola hahaha

  45. Sarah Gracan

    Sarah Beth Kilby Kerry Gracan Hahahahahahaha OMG. :’)

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