Dustin Martin rings to apologise

Dustin Martin has been forced to apologise to a woman after a drunken incident at Mr Miyagi restaurant and bar on Saturday night. Here he rings to offer a heart felt apology.

Richmond’s Media Manager: Dustin we need you to ring and apologise to the woman you abused on Saturday night.

Dustin Martin: Do I have to?

Media Manager: Yes. Now I’ve written an apology for you, just stick to the script and you’ll be fine. It’s ringing, be nice.

Patron: Hello?

Martin: Hi, it’s me.

Patron: Sorry?

Martin: It’s me.

Media Manager: Dustin it’s a phone, she can’t see you.

Martin: It’s Dustin Martin, I’m the guy who abused you at the restaurant on Saturday night. The one with neck tattoos and a strange haircut. I was brandishing a chopstick. Do you remember me?

Patron: I do remember, despite your chameleon-like ability to blend in with the crowd.

Martin: Well, I’m ringing to read you an apology the media manger wrote for me.

Patron: You’re doing what?

Media Manager: Dustin! Just read it don’t say I wrote it.

Martin: I’m ringing to apologise but I’m not doing it because the media manager is making me and I’m definitely not reading from a script.

Patron: That’s certainly reassuring.

Martin: Hang on, my mobile’s ringing. I’ve got to get this, it’s a friend-of-a-friend’s cousin who I don’t know that well.

Media Manager: Look, I’m sorry, Dustin’s had to go, something vitally important has come up. I just want to reiterate how sorry he is.

Patron: He sounded absolutely shattered.

Media Manager: Look, I’m really sorry. For everything. Just everything.

Patron: Well I appreciate that and I’m sorry you had to write an apology that didn’t get used.

Media Manager: That’s OK. I just got the last apology I wrote for him and changed the dates.

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  1. Snert Underpant

    Richmond need to change their tag line from Strong & Bold to Dumber & Dumber.

  2. Snert Underpant

    Pity they couldn’t get Harley Bennell, he would have been a calming influence on young Dusty.

  3. Gerard Marquis

    Glen Ross Ross Wintle Mel Gallagher Stacey Heberle – quality writing about a quality human…

  4. James Clarke

    “Dustin, it’s a phone. She can’t see you.”

  5. Joel Pearson

    Hahahaha saw this and instantly thought of you. What an upstanding guy

  6. Tony TC

    He’s quickly become a caricature of himself. Maybe he’ll record this “life experience” as a tattoo across his forehead?

  7. Francis Tran

    Evan ‘it’s a phone, she can’t see you’ bahahahahahahahah!!

  8. Jane Bone

    Well she should be a “ONE-EYED” Tiger now…. Go Tiges U0001f42f

  9. Glenn Bone

    Been hanging around swanny too much U0001f44dU0001f3fb

  10. Mark Bourke

    There would never be a cover up like that at StKilda Neale

  11. Neale Houston

    Tiger Cubs on the prowl Bourkey, shame he doesn’t show that aggression on the ground , Saints & Pies in the festive moods this time of the yearU0001f44d

  12. Benjamin Rupert

    Steve Marvin Nick Hume Jimmy Gorozidis James Camilleri what was he doing with the chop sticks?

  13. James Camilleri

    I’m surprised he knows enough words to have abused her

  14. Nick Hume

    He only knows one way to use them, threatening to kill her with them.

  15. Stej Bosnjak

    The patron works for channel 7. She’d know what the score is with written apologies

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