Darren Lehmann: Not selecting cricketers a mistake

Australian head coach Darren Lehmann has conceded not selecting any cricketers contributed to Australia’s disastrous first innings at Trent Bridge.

“Hindsight is 20/20 but a score of 60 runs all out suggests selecting some people with a working knowledge of a cricket bat would have been beneficial.”

Cricket Australia have put out a call to any Australians currently in England who have played cricket at any level to make themselves known.

“We’re looking for anyone who’s ever held a cricket bat in anger. Beach cricket, kanga cricket, backyard cricket, Crown & Andrews Test Match,” said Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland.

“Anyone who knows the difference between the handle to the other end of the bat really.

“People who have shown a history of trying and not surrendering the minute things are tough would be nice too.”

Lehmann says he takes full responsibility for not selecting cricketers and admits it’s embarrassing that he contributed to Stuart Broad looking good.

“I understand that to Australians, Stuart Broad’s happiness is the salt in the gaping wound and for that I offer an unreserved apology.”

However, Captain Michael Clarke said being an Australian batsman at the moment is nice work if you can get it.

“I wouldn’t call it work. It’s more like collecting millions of dollars for a brief public appearance.”

“Now that runs aren’t an essential criteria for the job, it opens up being an Australian cricketer as a career for millions of people.”

Australian cricket fan Sara Thomas said the Australian team should donate their salaries to all the alcohol she’ll need to try to forget this indelible stain on Australia’s soul.

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  1. Geoff Schaefer

    Am happy to volunteer my services. I play some very similar shots to several Clarkey played last night. Might you I play tennis. Does that matter?

  2. David Victor Madden

    You’re having a field day with this! Keep up the good work, at least it is making us laugh!

  3. Snert Underpant

    Who would’t apply? You get paid a fixed wage for five days and if you finish in two, you get the same pay and three days off. Talk about the perfect job!

  4. Will Long

    you batted better against Geelong a few years ago than most of the aussies last night Darcy O’Connor

  5. Sports Uncensored

    8 weeks ago I reckon the great Titus had drafted a heap of these jokes with England in the place of Australia…. Sad sad day!

  6. Marcus Beaver

    Ben Hillard Bradley Nicol Sean Murnane Anthony Burr

  7. John Awad

    Ay last he is admitting selection process was incorrect. However, we seem to forget quickly that other Australian Cricket Captains have had problems also. Who would forget Greg Chappell with 7 or 8 naughts in a row? There was also Steve Waugh, Ricky Ponting, just to mention a few. This is sport, one day UP and the next DOWN. Not playing Siddle in this match when the conditions suited him was a mistake. Persevering with Voges and the two Marsh boys when they never really produced is also a mistake. Do not solely put it on the Captain. Those who selected the players have to take some of the blame also. But it seems to me that Rodney March is suffering what his predecessor also suffered from. It comes back to SPORT.

  8. Chelsie Cossens

    Nathan Riches I’ll organise your flight over if you wanna organise a bat and ankle brace?

  9. Harry Latham

    About time I reckon. Me at one end Andrew Malone at the other, lethal combination

  10. jayhess2000

    It’s not the fault of the batting. Clearly our bowlers aren’t up to being able to bowl to a target.

  11. Adrian N Debbie Southgate

    And can not blame the pitch,now when the poms smacked 260 odd in the rest of the day,it’s too much 20/20 and hit and giggle,they need to leave the ball alone,Clarkes wasa shocker,wide and he chased it,the look of surprise on cooks face when he realised he caught it was priceless ,

  12. Adrian N Debbie Southgate

    My two Big mugs off jack Daniels lasted longer than Aussie innings,ha h ah a

  13. TaiMurray86

    TitusOReily yep Elyse Perry is our best hope to make the mens team and turn things around at the moment

  14. Ajays3044

    TitusOReily Best hope of getting the ashes …..return via Bali

  15. Robert Anile

    Bring back Watson….Don’t know what else to sayU0001f615

  16. Snert Underpant

    Would this Rodney March you refer to be related to Rodney Marsh?

  17. kendyason

    TitusOReily Selecting any of them might have been #ashes #cricket #Pomicide

  18. John Awad

    Sorry about that, pressed the wrong key obviously. Yes, Rodney Marsh, the one and only.

  19. Graeme Wiese

    we have a great under 15s team are you interested

  20. Darren McLanders

    Adam, you played park cricket for 2 seasons down here, you’d be eligible.

  21. M6NSTER

    72nivek gm2975 EricEric992 tom_boy_26 kimbohellyeah Miss_Boots1 666Harps666 15Gizmo 7_teza Lol Bruv!

  22. Billious

    These bunch of sheilas should be docked in their pay cheque for not turning up to work like we would be.  A 4-1 series loss assuming we arrive at the next test match is a sad indictment on our cricket talent at the moment.

    We would be more credible if we forfeit the final test or all get sick and we field Australia D side or rush the girls over to play.

  23. Andrew Young

    Am I reading this right? NOT selecting cricketers to play in a TEST match????

  24. Alarna Ilias

    Sue Taylor even I can bat better than them and I’ve never been able to get bat on ball!!!!

  25. dean0820

    give ’em a break, they showed up for work EVERY DAY! and on time too! they are an example to us all.

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