Being on the Carlton is a huge honour and thankfully comes with no need to delivering tangible outcomes, especially positive ones.
The media are reporting a possible rebel group is considering challenging the current board. Before they do so, they need to consider the strict criteria the club has for board members.
Here they are:
- Be rich. Not ‘well-off’ or even ‘really rich’, you need to be so rich you regularly forget some of the houses you own
- If you’re not rich, you better have been a star for Carlton. We would still prefer you to be really rich though
- Be willing to give a lot of your own money to Carlton to make up for the poor decisions you’ll make while on the board
- Able to operate a hovercraft
- Be keen on finding a messiah to fix all Carlton’s problems at once
- Have no qualms about pokies and accepting large chunks of revenue from them. Ensure every decision at the club has the pokies’ best interests at heart
- Be good at coping with defeat
- Think being on the Carlton board is actually a good idea
- Are willing to pretend Robert Walls’ opinions are insightful and relevant
- Think the Chris Judd trade was a good one
- We really can’t overstate how import the giving us lots of money is