Criteria for being on the Carlton Board

Being on the Carlton is a huge honour and thankfully comes with no need to delivering tangible outcomes, especially positive ones.

The media are reporting a possible rebel group is considering challenging the current board. Before they do so, they need to consider the strict criteria the club has for board members.

Here they are:

  • Be rich. Not ‘well-off’ or even ‘really rich’, you need to be so rich you regularly forget some of the houses you own
  • If you’re not rich, you better have been a star for Carlton. We would still prefer you to be really rich though
  • Be willing to give a lot of your own money to Carlton to make up for the poor decisions you’ll make while on the board
  • Able to operate a hovercraft
  • Be keen on finding a messiah to fix all Carlton’s problems at once
  • Have no qualms about pokies and accepting large chunks of revenue from them. Ensure every decision at the club has the pokies’ best interests at heart
  • Be good at coping with defeat
  • Think being on the Carlton board is actually a good idea
  • Are willing to pretend Robert Walls’ opinions are insightful and relevant
  • Think the Chris Judd trade was a good one
  • We really can’t overstate how import the giving us lots of money is

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  1. Stej Bosnjak

    “Be good at coping with defeat”
    Wont find anyone at Carlton other than the players who fit that criteria

  2. Penny Beitzel

    They use cardboard boxes at Carlton. Better for Visybility.

  3. Penny Beitzel

    Think that Geoffrey Edelsten’s waxy mug in the shadows of the coaches box isn’t just a little creepy.

  4. Adam Birman

    Ivan Wityk James Spight Ben Joseph I just don’t think we talk about carlton enough.

  5. Craig Fairbairn

    Robyn Revell Dallas Hurst Melinda Batrouney Brad Howard Benjamin Smith…Carlton the gift that just keeps on giving U0001f61c

  6. Billious

    This is so bloody unfair Titus.  While we are basking in the glory of  Carlton at rock bottom you are making the board role at Carlton sound attractive enough for someone else to come in and take Carlton further up the ladder to 17th position next year and spoil our fun.

  7. Stephanie Rowan

    “Think being on the Carlton board is a good idea”. I pretty much tick all the boxes. U0001f44dU0001f3fd

  8. Paul Bentley

    I feel like you didn’t read all the other criteria.

  9. Carolyn Keast

    If I was standing in front of you buddy…then my silence to your post would say it all!!

  10. Allan Knight

    Pretend that Brendon Bolton knows what he’s doing.

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