The Australian cricket team discuss a replacement fielder

After Mitchell Starc went down with an injury, the Australian cricket team used the team’s ‘massage therapist’ Grant Baldwin as a fielder. Here’s how that was decided.

Darren Lehmann: Right guys now that Starc’s injured, we need to work out who will field in this historic day-night pink ball test being played under lights for the first time at the picturesque Adelaide Oval.

Steve Smith: I’ve got a few ideas but I think we should all take a moment to admire this sunset. I can only imagine the beautiful pictures their getting on the broadcast.

David Warner: What about the 12th man James Pattinson or Stephen O’Keefe? Sort of the reason for having them.

Lehmann: We released them for Shield duties. The Shield should be the top priority too, not a Test involving the national side that millions of people are watching.

Smith: What about Grant Baldwin?

Peter Siddle: What? The physio?

Smith: He’s not a physio, he’s a massage therapist.

Mitchell Starc: Everyone knows massage therapists are much better fielders than physios, it’s aromatherapists you really want though. Amazing fielders. Could we get an aromatherapists?

Siddle: Despite appearances, we’re technically a professional sport team. We can’t get the physio to field, this isn’t fourth grade cricket, despite Shaun Marsh’s involvement.

Smith: Massage therapist! He’s a bloody MASSAGE THERAPIST!

Warner: I hate to be the sensible one in the team again but this seems a bit silly. Surely there are professional cricketers nearby?

Lehmann: I’m afraid not.

Warner: Sorry, that just seems a bit unbelievable. Surely we can just get someone on a plane if there are none in Adelaide?

Lehmann: Yeah David, planes from around Australia are just arriving in Adelaide every few hours!

Starc: Hang on, if he fields do I have to do the massages?

Lehmann: That would be great, that’s the sort of can do attitude we need.

Smith: Right that settles it, we’ll get Grant to field and Starc can give me a massage.

Siddle: For what we are about to do, may god have mercy on our souls.

Warner: Can we get Simon from marketing to replace Shaun then?

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  1. Luke Shannon

    Haha this isn’t a 4th grade game despite shaun marsh’s involvement. Gold

  2. b3108

    TitusOReily “With what shall we replace it, dear Liza, dear Liza…”

  3. DamianSharry

    TitusOReily if only you could of worked James Brayshaw in there……

  4. Andrew Smith

    Surprised Warner didnt want his wife, with baby in hand, to do it

  5. Tony TC

    I was hoping I’d get a chance to field today. Schucks!

  6. Malcolm Makkinga

    Is this still satire or actually how it happened?

  7. Gribnib

    TitusOReily bowlologist “…despite the involvement of Shaun Marsh.” Harsh. But fair.

  8. Billious

    If Lehmann wasn’t so stuffed after that dumb foot race he could have bloody fielded himself he couldnt be any worse than Smithy was trying to catch a bit of pink.

  9. Rod Freame

    Next test maybe we can have a “lucky seat” in the crowd as 12th man and give a different person a once in a lifetime experience each day.

  10. Snert Underpant

    I bet he starts every sentence from now on with “When I played cricket for Australia…”

  11. Nathan Blechynden

    I hear simon from marketing has a rocket arm

  12. Alyssa Graeme Sims

    Just pull that bloke from the crowd who caught the six. At least he can catch, even while drunk

  13. Nathan Blechynden

    I’ll probably get a gig today, hopefully they have a spare set of whites

  14. Billious

    At least we can now say that test cricket has caught up with the times.  Day night play, modern day men playing with pink balls and out call massage services delivered to the wicket.  All we need now is Sam Newman in his pink tutu to be 12th man and we have the complete package of modern Australia.

  15. Ashley Michael Crooks

    He actually bowled an over for Australia in a tour game

  16. Brad D Weekes

    Andrew Rout check out sids comments half way Down

  17. Andreas Biddiscombe

    Jack Cook Ned Cook the shaun marsh roasting is gold.

  18. McSeanD

    TitusOReily they keep making it easy for you, don’t they Titus?! Great that it only took about 24 hours for the Nine team to catch up….

  19. Ricky Walsh

    Great question.
    This is probably close to what really happened haha

  20. Leighroy Robinson

    Stew Scale Dean Williams Luke P Drummond Christopher Lyons U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602 some of his best work to date

  21. JustinCarroll3

    TitusOReily nobody seems worried that they’ve got the groundsman bowling off spin

  22. marksmith1981

    TitusOReily I still think we should have had Eddie Betts fielding in the “Eddie Betts pocket”

  23. MakeBirdiePutt

    TitusOReily WWOS9
    The replacement fielder for CricketAus should be through a rotation process of the Channel 9 Commentary Team!

  24. Tom Lyons

    David Warner is a nob! As if me and Luke couldn’t field adequately!

  25. Ainslee Gallagher

    This is the most interesting thing that has ever happened in cricket ever

  26. Hamish Smith

    Haha ‘this isn’t 4th grade cricket, despite Shaun marsh’s involvement’. That’s gold!

  27. Mr Wisdoms Whopper

    And then Shaun Marsh virtually guides us home! Titus obviously spurred him on with his vitriolic comments ha ha.

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